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Birth certificate

Posted by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 7:25 PM
  • 17 Replies

I'm new to this site, but I would really love some feedback.... Me and my unborn baby's father are not together right now and not even talking. I honestly do not trust him and I'm seriously considering not having him at the hospital and not allowing his name to go on my son's BC. I just feel that with everything he has put me through and the fact that he is not mentally stable and has denied my son and told me lie after lie, that I should save myself some future stress and heartache and just be gone with him. I'm curious to what you all think so please let me know!                 (I'm not the richest person and I feel sad that all I may have is love to offer my son, but I would do anything to keep my son safe and in my arms and if that means no child support but full custody...I'm all in!)

by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 7:25 PM
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Bookoholic
by Bronze Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 7:32 PM
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Okay so I was sort of in the same boat, Ds father is an abusive dick. I figured it out and left before Ds was born. Anyways I didn't put Ds father on the BC but I needed help at the time with assistance so the state wanted to go after Ds father for child support. I give them the information sadly. Now I don't have a choice he is on the BC. So if you aren't going to ask for any help I'd say don't do it, its not helping you in anyway. I have to copy the part on the court papers that says I have full custody and he has no anything but parental rights. He's supposed to pay $50 a month but I never see it so..... Anyways its really up yo you but unless you can do without them you really don't have a choice.
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virginiamama71
by Carrie on Mar. 26, 2013 at 7:38 PM
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 If you feel since he is mentally unstable and not doing anything to be stable, and fear he will hurt you or try to take the child, than its the best choice to make but make sure you cut all ties with him, including a restraining order against him and this is not just a thought cause you and him are not getting along right now.

321.BAA
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 7:38 PM

Thank-you it's nice to know I'm not alone! I hate this man and I think I really am going to try my best to keep him outttt! Xoxo


321.BAA
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 7:41 PM

I do not know if they will grant me a restraining order! And no, I wish it was just a thought sometimes but this is the reality. He is a controlling psycho and he has already done enough damage to me! I don't want his help I want him gone.

tottaxi
by Member on Mar. 26, 2013 at 8:18 PM
1 mom liked this

I have a friend who was in this position.   The people from the state came in while she was at the hospital and asked her to name the father.  She told them she didn't know.  They pressed and she said she did not know...that the pregnancy was the result of a one night stand and she didn't even know the guy's last name.  They did not pursue it any further.  No father was named on the BS.

As long as you do not name the father on the BC, do not file for CS from him, then it would be up to him to pursue paternity.   If you have already told him about the pregnancy then tell him that you were wrong and he is not the father.

My friend did not want a lifetime dealing with an asshole.  She has raised her child alone, without assistance and they have a very happy life.

Robsessed98
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 8:20 PM
2 moms liked this
That is totally your choice. But if he decides to, he can always file papers and become the legal father. He will have to pay child support if he does that, but he owes it to the child to pay it anyway. Regardless of how he treats you, the child is as much his as it is yours and deserves to at least be given a chance to have its father in its life. If you don't want to be around him, you could arrange for someone else to supervise visits.
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321.BAA
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 10:07 PM

I'm so confused. All I know is I do not in any way want him in my life or my baby's! He is denying my child as we speak. He got me in trouble...and he has another little daughter who's life he is not in and I just believe that for right now I will not push anything until he does...because yes, he could demand paternity and everything else and then he would also need to pay and what not but I just believe I am better off letting him do all this. I would love to avoid all these legal matters for as long as I can which is why I'm not putting his name and I am not nailing him for child support. I will not deny him but I will not invite him into my life again or my son's just so he can cause more pain and problems. Thanks for the feedback!

MamaT710
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 10:34 PM
4 moms liked this

 You do not have to have his name on the birth certificate to receive child support.  Second, if you choose to put his name on the birth certificate, then until there is a court order for custody he has as many rights to this child as you do and that is scary, especially if he is not going to be a routine part of this LO's life.  Third, if you put his name on the childs BC and your LO has his last name then when you want to take the child on vacation out of country or on a cruise you have to track him down or fight with him if he is a jerk to sign a consent that he is aware of where and when you are taking the child out of country or on vacation (that is unless you have an order stating you have sole or full custody).  These are just a few of the things I am going through at the moment with my LO and his father as I put his name on BC and my son has his last name.  However on my oldest and his father, he pays CS, name is not on the BC and he has my last name and do not have to go through anything, which is the easiest way that I could have done things cause he has chosen not to be around.

MamaT710
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 10:39 PM

 Not sure of laws where you are, but in NC they do not automatically go on BC for CS cases.  The do DNA if the BF wants it done, at cost to him and when the results come backhe has the option to go to the records department with the proof of DNA and can add himself on from there, but it is not mandatory for him to be on BC to receive CS.  Just my experience.

Quoting Bookoholic:

Okay so I was sort of in the same boat, Ds father is an abusive dick. I figured it out and left before Ds was born. Anyways I didn't put Ds father on the BC but I needed help at the time with assistance so the state wanted to go after Ds father for child support. I give them the information sadly. Now I don't have a choice he is on the BC. So if you aren't going to ask for any help I'd say don't do it, its not helping you in anyway. I have to copy the part on the court papers that says I have full custody and he has no anything but parental rights. He's supposed to pay $50 a month but I never see it so..... Anyways its really up yo you but unless you can do without them you really don't have a choice.

 

321.BAA
by on Mar. 26, 2013 at 10:47 PM

Wow! I didn't know a lot of that! What a pain. I commend you for all your going through. I'm not yet a mom but I really want to be prepared. That information will come in handy. One thing is for sure though, the father I'm dealing with is not going to pay up or do anything unless he is benefited in some way. I would love to do things the mature way and not involve the courts, but as soon as I push I just know he is going to push 10x harder. Child support does not seem like an option at the moment :/ it will be hard and me and my LO may not see a cruise or anything like that for years to come but I think it's better if I don't look for anything from him. I hope my situation is like yours with your oldest in the sense that he just does what's best for everybody else and keeps on denying my baby. His day will come:)

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