Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

Ex's mother messaged me on FB

Posted by   + Show Post

Soooooo My ex's mother messaged me on FB. I'm torn on how to respond. 

Her son has a court order to have visitation but hasn't seen my son in almost 3 years. He just now contacted me 3 weeks ago asking to have my son call him and I said "per court order, you're supposed to call him not my son call you! You have my number, it hasn't changed in over 4+ years, learn how to pick up the phone for calling him instead of everyone else." 

He has yet to still call. His parents have never called my son before, never bought my son so much as a birthday present, have bad mouthed me because I refused to move to Toledo (1 1/2 hrs away from where my family is, the only family my sons know) because it's more convenient for his son who has an issue with keeping a job and they expect me to uproot and start all over. Mind you... my ex and I haven't been together for 11 years and they are still trash talking me. 

So what would you do in this situation? Below is the the message!

This is what she said on FB to me:

I am Paul's mom. I would like your permission to keep in touch with Manny. I would love to be able to call and talk with him sometime, but only if you will allow us. You can call us @ XXX-XXX-XXXX and let us know. I hope you are both doing well and I look forward to hearing from you.

***EDIT***

Sorry for the confusion... my son is 12 almost 13... his father and I haven't been together for 11 years. There is no court date yet.... I'm wanting to take him back so that he can get even more restrictions on visitation or none preferably since he has a problem with following them now.... We just don't have the $$$ for it right now. 

My son knows it's his decision on whether he wants his sperm donor and his family in his life. Honestly... my son wants more to do with my ex's now ex wife and her family than his sperm donor. So that tells you where his loyalty lies. He knows his sperm donor rather be with other females... he told me that his sperm donor was cheating on his step mother before his step mother told me. He told me one day "Paul is seeing some girl behind Becca's back. Is that how a marriage is supposed to be? Because Paul said that Becca and him had an open marriage but Becca doesn't know about the girl and I need to keep a secret about it!" 

Yes he calls his sperm donor Paul.... there is no reason to call him dad since he doesn't act like one and that was my son's decision.

Follow my weight loss Journey.... I have a weightloss goal to hit 135-140lbs by Oct 2012....Can I do it by changing the weigh I eat, using Body By Vi , and exercising more? We shall see!!!! http://www.myfitnesspal.com/luvmykidz04


Wedding Countdown Ticker


by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 11:11 PM
Replies (11-20):
Luv.My.Kidz
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 11:47 PM

Nope... not allowing my son to call him. That's one thing I will not do. Not only is it in the court order for my ex to have to call 3 times a week, nothing in the court order says I have to allow my son to call. I brought up the fact that my son's sperm donor called and my son just looked at me and walked away. Showed no interest in calling or talking to him anyways.

Quoting brieri:

No, politely tell yor son dad wants to talk to him.  If he wants to call let him, let him.  He's 13 yrs old give the chld a brain and mind  

Qoting Luv.My.Kidz:

Like I said... he made contact over 3 weeks ago via FB asking to have my son call him and I told him I wasn't going to have my son call because he had our number and he could call. So you're saying I should just wait until he gets off his ass and actually calls?

Quoting GoldenLinds:

I misread! Still though. He needs to grow a pair and stop running to mommy to fix his problem. She sounds like she's digging. I would still ignore it. If he finally makes contact it can be addressed then.

Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

There is no court date. I haven't received any papers. The last Visitation order was done in 2008. Nothing since and he hasn't followed it since 2009. 

Quoting GoldenLinds:

I'd ignore it. Once you respond you've opened the door to that line of communication and you'll gwt flooded. If your ex has a ciurt date they can wait until then. Afyer that their son can facilitate communication for them.



 


Follow my weight loss Journey.... I have a weightloss goal to hit 135-140lbs by Oct 2012....Can I do it by changing the weigh I eat, using Body By Vi , and exercising more? We shall see!!!! http://www.myfitnesspal.com/luvmykidz04


Wedding Countdown Ticker


brieri
by Platinum Member on Mar. 27, 2013 at 11:50 PM

 going o make mole hills out of mountains -see your own quesion the below reply in blue.

Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

Nope... not allowing my son to call him. That's one thing I will not do. Not only is it in the court order for my ex to have to call 3 times a week, nothing in the court order says I have to allow my son to call. I brought up the fact that my son's sperm donor called and my son just looked at me and walked away. Showed no interest in calling or talking to him anyways.

Quoting brieri:

No, politely tell yor son dad wants to talk to him.  If he wants to call let him, let him.  He's 13 yrs old give the chld a brain and mind  

Qoting Luv.My.Kidz:

Like I said... he made contact over 3 weeks ago via FB asking to have my son call him and I told him I wasn't going to have my son call because he had our number and he could call. So you're saying I should just wait until he gets off his ass and actually calls?

Quoting GoldenLinds:

I misread! Still though. He needs to grow a pair and stop running to mommy to fix his problem. She sounds like she's digging. I would still ignore it. If he finally makes contact it can be addressed then.

Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

There is no court date. I haven't received any papers. The last Visitation order was done in 2008. Nothing since and he hasn't followed it since 2009. 

Quoting GoldenLinds:

I'd ignore it. Once you respond you've opened the door to that line of communication and you'll gwt flooded. If your ex has a ciurt date they can wait until then. Afyer that their son can facilitate communication for them.



 


 

flgirl12
by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 11:53 PM

They haven't tried to form any relationship with your son until now, and all of a sudden they think they can start calling?Wow, that takes a lot of gull on her part. But I will say, her message was polite and she expressed that she wanted to do what you feel comofortable with. I guess it comes down to your son....he's 11 years old, I might consider talking to him about it. How would he feel getting to know some other relatives? 

I know it's frustrating as hell for you because of all the back history, but it may be a good thing for your son to get to know his grandparents. Talk to your son, and if he seems open to it, I would give it a try. Just my advice though.

Luv.My.Kidz
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 12:19 AM

my son will be 13 in June. He didn't seem too impressed when I told him that his father messaged me through FB. His response was "He has our phone number" and he walked away. 

Quoting flgirl12:

They haven't tried to form any relationship with your son until now, and all of a sudden they think they can start calling?Wow, that takes a lot of gull on her part. But I will say, her message was polite and she expressed that she wanted to do what you feel comofortable with. I guess it comes down to your son....he's 11 years old, I might consider talking to him about it. How would he feel getting to know some other relatives? 

I know it's frustrating as hell for you because of all the back history, but it may be a good thing for your son to get to know his grandparents. Talk to your son, and if he seems open to it, I would give it a try. Just my advice though.


Follow my weight loss Journey.... I have a weightloss goal to hit 135-140lbs by Oct 2012....Can I do it by changing the weigh I eat, using Body By Vi , and exercising more? We shall see!!!! http://www.myfitnesspal.com/luvmykidz04


Wedding Countdown Ticker


Luv.My.Kidz
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 12:19 AM

I don't understand what you mean. 

Quoting brieri:

 going o make mole hills out of mountains -see your own quesion the below reply in blue.

Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

Nope... not allowing my son to call him. That's one thing I will not do. Not only is it in the court order for my ex to have to call 3 times a week, nothing in the court order says I have to allow my son to call. I brought up the fact that my son's sperm donor called and my son just looked at me and walked away. Showed no interest in calling or talking to him anyways.

Quoting brieri:

No, politely tell yor son dad wants to talk to him.  If he wants to call let him, let him.  He's 13 yrs old give the chld a brain and mind  

Qoting Luv.My.Kidz:

Like I said... he made contact over 3 weeks ago via FB asking to have my son call him and I told him I wasn't going to have my son call because he had our number and he could call. So you're saying I should just wait until he gets off his ass and actually calls?

Quoting GoldenLinds:

I misread! Still though. He needs to grow a pair and stop running to mommy to fix his problem. She sounds like she's digging. I would still ignore it. If he finally makes contact it can be addressed then.

Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

There is no court date. I haven't received any papers. The last Visitation order was done in 2008. Nothing since and he hasn't followed it since 2009. 

Quoting GoldenLinds:

I'd ignore it. Once you respond you've opened the door to that line of communication and you'll gwt flooded. If your ex has a ciurt date they can wait until then. Afyer that their son can facilitate communication for them.



 


 


Follow my weight loss Journey.... I have a weightloss goal to hit 135-140lbs by Oct 2012....Can I do it by changing the weigh I eat, using Body By Vi , and exercising more? We shall see!!!! http://www.myfitnesspal.com/luvmykidz04


Wedding Countdown Ticker


conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 12:24 AM
I would not respond to her msg at all. I would probably block her honestly.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
flgirl12
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 12:43 AM

He is at the age where he can understand what's going on. I don't know how you should handle the situation with his father, but when it comes to the grandparents in your original post, I think they (and he) deserve a chance at forming a relationship (despite how horrible they have acted in the past). 


Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

my son will be 13 in June. He didn't seem too impressed when I told him that his father messaged me through FB. His response was "He has our phone number" and he walked away. 

Quoting flgirl12:

They haven't tried to form any relationship with your son until now, and all of a sudden they think they can start calling?Wow, that takes a lot of gull on her part. But I will say, her message was polite and she expressed that she wanted to do what you feel comofortable with. I guess it comes down to your son....he's 11 years old, I might consider talking to him about it. How would he feel getting to know some other relatives? 

I know it's frustrating as hell for you because of all the back history, but it may be a good thing for your son to get to know his grandparents. Talk to your son, and if he seems open to it, I would give it a try. Just my advice though.




KRIZZ25
by Platinum Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 12:51 AM
i would tell her that would not be a good idea at this time.. he does not know u and it will just confuse him. maybe wen he is older and can understand..bw we are grate..
KRIZZ25
by Platinum Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 12:51 AM
1 mom liked this
or act like u never got message ,block her ..
brieri
by Platinum Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 12:53 AM

 

So you're saying I should just wait until he gets off his ass and actually callS?

 

^^^^ THE ABOVE IS YOUR WORDS IN THE REPLY BELOW IF YOU LOOK..

 

So you're saying I should just wait until he gets off his ass and actually calls -

Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

I don't understand what you mean. 

Quoting brieri:

 going o make mole hills out of mountains -see your own quesion the below reply in blue.

Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

Nope... not allowing my son to call him. That's one thing I will not do. Not only is it in the court order for my ex to have to call 3 times a week, nothing in the court order says I have to allow my son to call. I brought up the fact that my son's sperm donor called and my son just looked at me and walked away. Showed no interest in calling or talking to him anyways.

Quoting brieri:

No, politely tell yor son dad wants to talk to him.  If he wants to call let him, let him.  He's 13 yrs old give the chld a brain and mind  

Qoting Luv.My.Kidz:

Like I said... he made contact over 3 weeks ago via FB asking to have my son call him and I told him I wasn't going to have my son call because he had our number and he could call. So you're saying I should just wait until he gets off his ass and actually calls?

Quoting GoldenLinds:

I misread! Still though. He needs to grow a pair and stop running to mommy to fix his problem. She sounds like she's digging. I would still ignore it. If he finally makes contact it can be addressed then.

Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

There is no court date. I haven't received any papers. The last Visitation order was done in 2008. Nothing since and he hasn't followed it since 2009. 

Quoting GoldenLinds:

I'd ignore it. Once you respond you've opened the door to that line of communication and you'll gwt flooded. If your ex has a ciurt date they can wait until then. Afyer that their son can facilitate communication for them.



 


 


 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN