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Ex's mother messaged me on FB

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Soooooo My ex's mother messaged me on FB. I'm torn on how to respond. 

Her son has a court order to have visitation but hasn't seen my son in almost 3 years. He just now contacted me 3 weeks ago asking to have my son call him and I said "per court order, you're supposed to call him not my son call you! You have my number, it hasn't changed in over 4+ years, learn how to pick up the phone for calling him instead of everyone else." 

He has yet to still call. His parents have never called my son before, never bought my son so much as a birthday present, have bad mouthed me because I refused to move to Toledo (1 1/2 hrs away from where my family is, the only family my sons know) because it's more convenient for his son who has an issue with keeping a job and they expect me to uproot and start all over. Mind you... my ex and I haven't been together for 11 years and they are still trash talking me. 

So what would you do in this situation? Below is the the message!

This is what she said on FB to me:

I am Paul's mom. I would like your permission to keep in touch with Manny. I would love to be able to call and talk with him sometime, but only if you will allow us. You can call us @ XXX-XXX-XXXX and let us know. I hope you are both doing well and I look forward to hearing from you.

***EDIT***

Sorry for the confusion... my son is 12 almost 13... his father and I haven't been together for 11 years. There is no court date yet.... I'm wanting to take him back so that he can get even more restrictions on visitation or none preferably since he has a problem with following them now.... We just don't have the $$$ for it right now. 

My son knows it's his decision on whether he wants his sperm donor and his family in his life. Honestly... my son wants more to do with my ex's now ex wife and her family than his sperm donor. So that tells you where his loyalty lies. He knows his sperm donor rather be with other females... he told me that his sperm donor was cheating on his step mother before his step mother told me. He told me one day "Paul is seeing some girl behind Becca's back. Is that how a marriage is supposed to be? Because Paul said that Becca and him had an open marriage but Becca doesn't know about the girl and I need to keep a secret about it!" 

Yes he calls his sperm donor Paul.... there is no reason to call him dad since he doesn't act like one and that was my son's decision.

Follow my weight loss Journey.... I have a weightloss goal to hit 135-140lbs by Oct 2012....Can I do it by changing the weigh I eat, using Body By Vi , and exercising more? We shall see!!!! http://www.myfitnesspal.com/luvmykidz04


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by on Mar. 27, 2013 at 11:11 PM
Replies (21-30):
Luv.My.Kidz
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 8:16 AM

I get that... but I don't understand your point!

Quoting brieri:

 

So you're saying I should just wait until he gets off his ass and actually callS?

 

^^^^ THE ABOVE IS YOUR WORDS IN THE REPLY BELOW IF YOU LOOK..

 

So you're saying I should just wait until he gets off his ass and actually calls -

Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

I don't understand what you mean. 

Quoting brieri:

 going o make mole hills out of mountains -see your own quesion the below reply in blue.

Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

Nope... not allowing my son to call him. That's one thing I will not do. Not only is it in the court order for my ex to have to call 3 times a week, nothing in the court order says I have to allow my son to call. I brought up the fact that my son's sperm donor called and my son just looked at me and walked away. Showed no interest in calling or talking to him anyways.

Quoting brieri:

No, politely tell yor son dad wants to talk to him.  If he wants to call let him, let him.  He's 13 yrs old give the chld a brain and mind  

Qoting Luv.My.Kidz:

Like I said... he made contact over 3 weeks ago via FB asking to have my son call him and I told him I wasn't going to have my son call because he had our number and he could call. So you're saying I should just wait until he gets off his ass and actually calls?

Quoting GoldenLinds:

I misread! Still though. He needs to grow a pair and stop running to mommy to fix his problem. She sounds like she's digging. I would still ignore it. If he finally makes contact it can be addressed then.

Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

There is no court date. I haven't received any papers. The last Visitation order was done in 2008. Nothing since and he hasn't followed it since 2009. 

Quoting GoldenLinds:

I'd ignore it. Once you respond you've opened the door to that line of communication and you'll gwt flooded. If your ex has a ciurt date they can wait until then. Afyer that their son can facilitate communication for them.



 


 


 


Follow my weight loss Journey.... I have a weightloss goal to hit 135-140lbs by Oct 2012....Can I do it by changing the weigh I eat, using Body By Vi , and exercising more? We shall see!!!! http://www.myfitnesspal.com/luvmykidz04


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steviechick
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 9:43 AM

It took the grandparents this long to want to have anything to do with their grandson?  I smell a little rat here.  Your ex has your number and has a phone.  He can call.  He IS a father afterall.  Even though the message from the ex-IL's is very cordial, it does seem a bit odd for them to all of a sudden have interest in a child that they should have been caring about all along.  I would ignore the request.  That will more than likely stop them from pestering you anymore.  It's a shame that your son has extended family like this.  They both should have been in his life by now.  Your son is taking the high road in regards to his own father.  It shows maturity and a good level head for a 13 year old. 

Luv.My.Kidz
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 10:15 AM

He goes to therapy because of everything.. he has ADHD as well as hearing impairment. He honestly thinks his sperm donors family doesn't want anything to do with him because of those. What I don't get is that everyone praised his sperm donors birth of the newest baby (this marks kid #6) which just so happens to be the same birthday as my son.... no one called my son, no one sent a card, nothing. It royally frustrates my son and me even more. DF has stepped up greatly as Daddy to both of my boys. So much that they want no contact with their sperm donors at all. 

Quoting steviechick:

It took the grandparents this long to want to have anything to do with their grandson?  I smell a little rat here.  Your ex has your number and has a phone.  He can call.  He IS a father afterall.  Even though the message from the ex-IL's is very cordial, it does seem a bit odd for them to all of a sudden have interest in a child that they should have been caring about all along.  I would ignore the request.  That will more than likely stop them from pestering you anymore.  It's a shame that your son has extended family like this.  They both should have been in his life by now.  Your son is taking the high road in regards to his own father.  It shows maturity and a good level head for a 13 year old. 


Follow my weight loss Journey.... I have a weightloss goal to hit 135-140lbs by Oct 2012....Can I do it by changing the weigh I eat, using Body By Vi , and exercising more? We shall see!!!! http://www.myfitnesspal.com/luvmykidz04


Wedding Countdown Ticker


easinpc
by Gold Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 10:25 AM

Not sure what I'd do but here's a bump for you!

steviechick
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 10:25 AM

I can relate.  My daughter has come to the conclusion that her father is a sperm donor.  She sees him messed up completely. He was a father to her years ago.  Then when the money problems hit the roof (out of control) that's when things started to deteroriate with my daughter and my ex.  My ex left me paying for just about everything that he was half responsible for if not fully responsible for.  I was left with a few dollars in my checking account until payday.  While I was struggling finanncially, my ex was chasing after some office tramp and getting her pregnant.  What kind of a man does this to his wife and child?   My ex was married before me and fathered a daughter.  He simply walked out on her. She's now 31 - will be 32 in July.  He's not sent her a dime since she was 3 yrs old.  A huge red flag for me when I first met my ex, but he persuaded me to believe that it was best he not be involved in his daughter's life.  He never signed over his rights.  He simply walked out on them.  Now, he's repeating what he did 29 yrs ago. 

I think both of our kids will be better off without their fathers.  They will always have a love/hate relationship if they do.  I know one day I will meet a great guy and he will be able to show my daughter what a true man is supposed to be.  I hope that happens to you, too. 


Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

He goes to therapy because of everything.. he has ADHD as well as hearing impairment. He honestly thinks his sperm donors family doesn't want anything to do with him because of those. What I don't get is that everyone praised his sperm donors birth of the newest baby (this marks kid #6) which just so happens to be the same birthday as my son.... no one called my son, no one sent a card, nothing. It royally frustrates my son and me even more. DF has stepped up greatly as Daddy to both of my boys. So much that they want no contact with their sperm donors at all. 

Quoting steviechick:

It took the grandparents this long to want to have anything to do with their grandson?  I smell a little rat here.  Your ex has your number and has a phone.  He can call.  He IS a father afterall.  Even though the message from the ex-IL's is very cordial, it does seem a bit odd for them to all of a sudden have interest in a child that they should have been caring about all along.  I would ignore the request.  That will more than likely stop them from pestering you anymore.  It's a shame that your son has extended family like this.  They both should have been in his life by now.  Your son is taking the high road in regards to his own father.  It shows maturity and a good level head for a 13 year old. 



 

witchybabymomma
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 10:41 AM

 I don't see the harm with them keeping in contact over the phone where you can monitor things, maybe they are finally realizing what they have been missing out on.

Luv.My.Kidz
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 10:58 AM
1 mom liked this

I found a wonderful man... he treats the boys as his own, loves them very much and does for them in ways their sperm donors never have or will. DF is such an outstanding man!

Quoting steviechick:

I can relate.  My daughter has come to the conclusion that her father is a sperm donor.  She sees him messed up completely. He was a father to her years ago.  Then when the money problems hit the roof (out of control) that's when things started to deteroriate with my daughter and my ex.  My ex left me paying for just about everything that he was half responsible for if not fully responsible for.  I was left with a few dollars in my checking account until payday.  While I was struggling finanncially, my ex was chasing after some office tramp and getting her pregnant.  What kind of a man does this to his wife and child?   My ex was married before me and fathered a daughter.  He simply walked out on her. She's now 31 - will be 32 in July.  He's not sent her a dime since she was 3 yrs old.  A huge red flag for me when I first met my ex, but he persuaded me to believe that it was best he not be involved in his daughter's life.  He never signed over his rights.  He simply walked out on them.  Now, he's repeating what he did 29 yrs ago. 

I think both of our kids will be better off without their fathers.  They will always have a love/hate relationship if they do.  I know one day I will meet a great guy and he will be able to show my daughter what a true man is supposed to be.  I hope that happens to you, too. 


Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

He goes to therapy because of everything.. he has ADHD as well as hearing impairment. He honestly thinks his sperm donors family doesn't want anything to do with him because of those. What I don't get is that everyone praised his sperm donors birth of the newest baby (this marks kid #6) which just so happens to be the same birthday as my son.... no one called my son, no one sent a card, nothing. It royally frustrates my son and me even more. DF has stepped up greatly as Daddy to both of my boys. So much that they want no contact with their sperm donors at all. 

Quoting steviechick:

It took the grandparents this long to want to have anything to do with their grandson?  I smell a little rat here.  Your ex has your number and has a phone.  He can call.  He IS a father afterall.  Even though the message from the ex-IL's is very cordial, it does seem a bit odd for them to all of a sudden have interest in a child that they should have been caring about all along.  I would ignore the request.  That will more than likely stop them from pestering you anymore.  It's a shame that your son has extended family like this.  They both should have been in his life by now.  Your son is taking the high road in regards to his own father.  It shows maturity and a good level head for a 13 year old. 





Follow my weight loss Journey.... I have a weightloss goal to hit 135-140lbs by Oct 2012....Can I do it by changing the weigh I eat, using Body By Vi , and exercising more? We shall see!!!! http://www.myfitnesspal.com/luvmykidz04


Wedding Countdown Ticker


tottaxi
by Member on Mar. 28, 2013 at 11:06 AM

This seems like a case of "too little, too late".  Appearing at this stage of your son's life is NOT good.  Teenagers are difficult enough without adding to the mix.

Has your ex paid CS?  Just curious.  If he hasn't and has had no contact for this long isn't that considered abandonment (I'm not sure)?  Looks to me like if it is you could have his rights removed.  End of story for the whole bunch.

bxmom2580
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 11:10 AM
Ask your son how he feels about it, he is old enough to decide for himself if he wants to talk to them or not


Quoting Luv.My.Kidz:

My son will be 13 in June. 

Quoting xixCandyxix:

How old is your son? Is he 11 or is he older than that?? Seriously I would just ignore the dad because at this age your son is probably realizing what a loser his dad is. Don't let him talk to the grandparents either it honestly sounds like they are up to no good!



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Luv.My.Kidz
by on Mar. 28, 2013 at 11:29 AM

He just recently stopped paying support again... He'll pay for a year... than stop for 6+ months but start up again right before abandonment can be filed. I hate it.

Quoting tottaxi:

This seems like a case of "too little, too late".  Appearing at this stage of your son's life is NOT good.  Teenagers are difficult enough without adding to the mix.

Has your ex paid CS?  Just curious.  If he hasn't and has had no contact for this long isn't that considered abandonment (I'm not sure)?  Looks to me like if it is you could have his rights removed.  End of story for the whole bunch.


Follow my weight loss Journey.... I have a weightloss goal to hit 135-140lbs by Oct 2012....Can I do it by changing the weigh I eat, using Body By Vi , and exercising more? We shall see!!!! http://www.myfitnesspal.com/luvmykidz04


Wedding Countdown Ticker


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