Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

Coping with No Support

Posted by   + Show Post
What is the opposite of support? That's what I get. Its really starting to wear on me.
I live with my parents with my almost 2 year old. I work 4 days a week amd cover my bills amd contribute financially to the house. I take care of my son and mostly mind my own business.
I have recently begun trying to find a little me time. I started seeing a guy and we've been out 3 times in as many weeks. My brother does all the babysitting for me.
Today I mentioned to my mom that I need to find a day when I can go do paperwork without having to take and fight with my son. I need to get divorced! My mom immediately starts laying into me with such hate and judgement. I got lectured about how I can't go living my life without my son and how I need to take responsibilityfor caring for him. How she did everything on her own (which os total crap! I was there). She then proceeds to remind me that my husband was a simpke man and my marriage fell apart bbecause I was too selfish. Apparently I just needed to keep hi m supplied with booze and ignore him and I could be perfectly happy right now. I am wrong for objecting to his alcohol problem and the fact that he moved 2500 miles away to shack up with some ugly puerto rican emo chick.
I just feel so heartbroken. She makes me out to be so petty and immature and spoiled. I don't even know what to think. I hate wondering if she's right and I just don't see it. I try to do everything for my son. I don't let anyone help out when I'm around. I never work more than 5 hours at a time and rush home to be with him. The few dates I've been on were equally short. In his life I've only been out alone 5 times. But I still get grief for being a nonpresent parent. I really am heartbroken. I had no idea my mom thought so little of me. I thought moms were supposed to think the best of you. If that's the best she thinks I feel like I must be the worstt person alive.
I don't know how to get past this feeling.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 5:40 PM
Replies (11-20):
ImaSoulMom
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 10:30 PM
I see thay when people do not completely agree with you, you throw a tantrum. You have found the time to date but not to get divorced. Your child is under two but you are worried about dating. You honestly don't see how your mother would not enjoy hearing you need to make more time without your son?

You seem to expect unconditional acceptance and encouragement when your decisions might not always be deserving of it.




Quoting GoldenLinds:

Yes. I did post my situation. I posted how hurt I was at such an unexpected and undeserved response. Again you are making every worst possible assumption. So you think I haven't gotten divorced because I'm too lazy to bother. Bitch much? You know none of the particulars or why I've waited and its none of your business. You've entirely missed the entire point of my post and its sad that you are so judgemental. Becaise I'm an adult I aldo know when to pick my battles.



Quoting ImaSoulMom:

Wow. You posted your situation. But isn't it funny how we take the time to do the paperwork when we want to get married and it means something. But when we want to end a relationship it is suddenly just a piece of paper that doesn't matter. If it mattered enough for you to get it, it should matter enough to end it properly.





When you live with people, they are in your business. That's how it is. If you don't like it and you are helping out then just ask if she would rather live separately. If not, ask her to respect your privacy. You need boundaries and a backbone. If you are an adult, don't expect support or for her to love every decision you make.






Quoting GoldenLinds:

Also to be clear I live with my parents to help support them not because I'm destitute- before you making that assumption too.







Quoting GoldenLinds:

I have neither seen nor spoken to my ex in 2 years. That relationship is over. I just haven't gotten the paperwork done. The guy I'm seeing knows that. I don't see how its any of her business if I'm dating and getting a babysitter. Its not her doing the watching and I'm an adult.









Quoting ImaSoulMom:

In a perfect world mothers would just be supportive and loving. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in. I know living with family is hard, but if that is what you need to do right now then you have to deal with it until you move out on your own.











It seems like she resents that you are dating while someone else is watching your son. Even if it's a short date. It might not be fair but you are living with them. It might also be best if you get divorced before dating. End one relationship completely before beginning another one.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
GoldenLinds
by Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 10:51 PM
Again nothing but judgements made about assumptions. Yes I do think that I deserve to be encouraged to be happy by my own mother. I guess that might sound crazy to some people. Again you know nothing about what you are judging me for.
And I didn't throw a tantrum in any way. I turned to what was supposed to be a safe and supportive place to vent. Clearly you don't belong here since you don't understand that.


Quoting ImaSoulMom:

I see thay when people do not completely agree with you, you throw a tantrum. You have found the time to date but not to get divorced. Your child is under two but you are worried about dating. You honestly don't see how your mother would not enjoy hearing you need to make more time without your son?



You seem to expect unconditional acceptance and encouragement when your decisions might not always be deserving of it.








Quoting GoldenLinds:

Yes. I did post my situation. I posted how hurt I was at such an unexpected and undeserved response. Again you are making every worst possible assumption. So you think I haven't gotten divorced because I'm too lazy to bother. Bitch much? You know none of the particulars or why I've waited and its none of your business. You've entirely missed the entire point of my post and its sad that you are so judgemental. Becaise I'm an adult I aldo know when to pick my battles.





Quoting ImaSoulMom:

Wow. You posted your situation. But isn't it funny how we take the time to do the paperwork when we want to get married and it means something. But when we want to end a relationship it is suddenly just a piece of paper that doesn't matter. If it mattered enough for you to get it, it should matter enough to end it properly.







When you live with people, they are in your business. That's how it is. If you don't like it and you are helping out then just ask if she would rather live separately. If not, ask her to respect your privacy. You need boundaries and a backbone. If you are an adult, don't expect support or for her to love every decision you make.








Quoting GoldenLinds:

Also to be clear I live with my parents to help support them not because I'm destitute- before you making that assumption too.









Quoting GoldenLinds:

I have neither seen nor spoken to my ex in 2 years. That relationship is over. I just haven't gotten the paperwork done. The guy I'm seeing knows that. I don't see how its any of her business if I'm dating and getting a babysitter. Its not her doing the watching and I'm an adult.











Quoting ImaSoulMom:

In a perfect world mothers would just be supportive and loving. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in. I know living with family is hard, but if that is what you need to do right now then you have to deal with it until you move out on your own.













It seems like she resents that you are dating while someone else is watching your son. Even if it's a short date. It might not be fair but you are living with them. It might also be best if you get divorced before dating. End one relationship completely before beginning another one.


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ImaSoulMom
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 11:24 PM
Now THAT is judgmental. You say assumptions but that is the information you provided. If your priorities seem to be off, then you still expect nothing but encouragement. That is narcissistic.

We do not always agree here. You did not know this? But most of the women handle it in a more mature manner. There is advice and differing points of view.

Yes, ok I know nothing. Just what you have posted. That is what you said.




Quoting GoldenLinds:

Again nothing but judgements made about assumptions. Yes I do think that I deserve to be encouraged to be happy by my own mother. I guess that might sound crazy to some people. Again you know nothing about what you are judging me for.

And I didn't throw a tantrum in any way. I turned to what was supposed to be a safe and supportive place to vent. Clearly you don't belong here since you don't understand that.




Quoting ImaSoulMom:

I see thay when people do not completely agree with you, you throw a tantrum. You have found the time to date but not to get divorced. Your child is under two but you are worried about dating. You honestly don't see how your mother would not enjoy hearing you need to make more time without your son?





You seem to expect unconditional acceptance and encouragement when your decisions might not always be deserving of it.












Quoting GoldenLinds:

Yes. I did post my situation. I posted how hurt I was at such an unexpected and undeserved response. Again you are making every worst possible assumption. So you think I haven't gotten divorced because I'm too lazy to bother. Bitch much? You know none of the particulars or why I've waited and its none of your business. You've entirely missed the entire point of my post and its sad that you are so judgemental. Becaise I'm an adult I aldo know when to pick my battles.







Quoting ImaSoulMom:

Wow. You posted your situation. But isn't it funny how we take the time to do the paperwork when we want to get married and it means something. But when we want to end a relationship it is suddenly just a piece of paper that doesn't matter. If it mattered enough for you to get it, it should matter enough to end it properly.









When you live with people, they are in your business. That's how it is. If you don't like it and you are helping out then just ask if she would rather live separately. If not, ask her to respect your privacy. You need boundaries and a backbone. If you are an adult, don't expect support or for her to love every decision you make.










Quoting GoldenLinds:

Also to be clear I live with my parents to help support them not because I'm destitute- before you making that assumption too.











Quoting GoldenLinds:

I have neither seen nor spoken to my ex in 2 years. That relationship is over. I just haven't gotten the paperwork done. The guy I'm seeing knows that. I don't see how its any of her business if I'm dating and getting a babysitter. Its not her doing the watching and I'm an adult.













Quoting ImaSoulMom:

In a perfect world mothers would just be supportive and loving. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in. I know living with family is hard, but if that is what you need to do right now then you have to deal with it until you move out on your own.















It seems like she resents that you are dating while someone else is watching your son. Even if it's a short date. It might not be fair but you are living with them. It might also be best if you get divorced before dating. End one relationship completely before beginning another one.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
GoldenLinds
by Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 11:56 PM
Informstion I provided. Ok I'll give you that. The point of the post was that I was hurt that my own mother foe making completely unfounded accusations against me. For playing the saint and saying I should have stayed with an abusive alcoholic cheater. It hurt. The rest was purely supplemental. You jumped on it instead and tried to tell me I needed to play the child and do as mommy says under mommy's roof all wgile implying I am a lazy whore. That's actualy laughable. You have judged me on "my skewed priorities" when you know nothing about my reasons. You simply assumed the worst. A little tidbit, I've delayed filing my divorce until I could be sure my stepdaughter was protected. What amazes me is how I managed my whole life without you to tell me that I deserve nothingand that I am narcissistic for what? Wanting to have my family support my choices when they are made with such sacrifice, to encourage my happiness when I've willingly gone so long without. I never expect peiple to always agree with me but people whwhoo open a post and feel entitled to reprimand a stranger and preach to them as if they are so perfect and have always completely aggravated me.

Quoting ImaSoulMom:

Now THAT is judgmental. You say assumptions but that is the information you provided. If your priorities seem to be off, then you still expect nothing but encouragement. That is narcissistic.



We do not always agree here. You did not know this? But most of the women handle it in a more mature manner. There is advice and differing points of view.



Yes, ok I know nothing. Just what you have posted. That is what you said.








Quoting GoldenLinds:

Again nothing but judgements made about assumptions. Yes I do think that I deserve to be encouraged to be happy by my own mother. I guess that might sound crazy to some people. Again you know nothing about what you are judging me for.


And I didn't throw a tantrum in any way. I turned to what was supposed to be a safe and supportive place to vent. Clearly you don't belong here since you don't understand that.






Quoting ImaSoulMom:

I see thay when people do not completely agree with you, you throw a tantrum. You have found the time to date but not to get divorced. Your child is under two but you are worried about dating. You honestly don't see how your mother would not enjoy hearing you need to make more time without your son?







You seem to expect unconditional acceptance and encouragement when your decisions might not always be deserving of it.
















Quoting GoldenLinds:

Yes. I did post my situation. I posted how hurt I was at such an unexpected and undeserved response. Again you are making every worst possible assumption. So you think I haven't gotten divorced because I'm too lazy to bother. Bitch much? You know none of the particulars or why I've waited and its none of your business. You've entirely missed the entire point of my post and its sad that you are so judgemental. Becaise I'm an adult I aldo know when to pick my battles.









Quoting ImaSoulMom:

Wow. You posted your situation. But isn't it funny how we take the time to do the paperwork when we want to get married and it means something. But when we want to end a relationship it is suddenly just a piece of paper that doesn't matter. If it mattered enough for you to get it, it should matter enough to end it properly.











When you live with people, they are in your business. That's how it is. If you don't like it and you are helping out then just ask if she would rather live separately. If not, ask her to respect your privacy. You need boundaries and a backbone. If you are an adult, don't expect support or for her to love every decision you make.












Quoting GoldenLinds:

Also to be clear I live with my parents to help support them not because I'm destitute- before you making that assumption too.













Quoting GoldenLinds:

I have neither seen nor spoken to my ex in 2 years. That relationship is over. I just haven't gotten the paperwork done. The guy I'm seeing knows that. I don't see how its any of her business if I'm dating and getting a babysitter. Its not her doing the watching and I'm an adult.















Quoting ImaSoulMom:

In a perfect world mothers would just be supportive and loving. Unfortunately, that is not the world we live in. I know living with family is hard, but if that is what you need to do right now then you have to deal with it until you move out on your own.

















It seems like she resents that you are dating while someone else is watching your son. Even if it's a short date. It might not be fair but you are living with them. It might also be best if you get divorced before dating. End one relationship completely before beginning another one.



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
ImaSoulMom
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:50 AM
I did not tell you to do what your mommy says. On the contrary, I said you needed boundaries and some backbone. You know staying with an alcoholic was not right for you. Mothers can be judgemental and overbearing. No, they are not always supportive. It sucks.

I did not supplement that you told her you wanted time off to get divorced but made time to date. I did not supplement that your child is under two. I could see how all of those things could frustrate a mother if her daughter complains about it. The brother who babysits while you date is he her son? Ok, that might be another reason. I never said you were a lazy whore. You know you need to get a divorce, otherwise why bring it up. Your child is very young so priorities are important. Mothers can be resentful and overbearing. When your son grows up what he does will still be your business.

You can tell her to respect your privacy but you can't force someone to like what you do. Since you know she won't be supportive, try not telling her your problems. We all have family we know will start drama or make it all about them. Write it in a journal or tell a trusted friend. Just be ready for their input too.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
GoldenLinds
by Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 1:12 AM
I made timevt date without any negativity from her. I made an offhand comment about going to file my papers and expected no opposition and shit blew up. My brother volunteers his time as a qualified adult who adores his nephew so her opinion on the matter is equally void. My sons age is of absolutely no relevance to the situation. I have been a parent for 7 years. I Never complained about my situation at ALL!! My priorities are always in order and come before anything else. Still assuming the worst.
Yes mothers can be unsupportive. Finally you see the point of the post. Simply a vent at the whiplash I got when mine was suddenly unsupportive. Again boundaries an a backbone are not the issue. I made the mature choice to walk away from the situation. Journal or vent .... WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK THIS FREAKING POST WAS BEFORE YOU HIKACKED IT YOU IDIOT!


Quoting ImaSoulMom:

I did not tell you to do what your mommy says. On the contrary, I said you needed boundaries and some backbone. You know staying with an alcoholic was not right for you. Mothers can be judgemental and overbearing. No, they are not always supportive. It sucks.



I did not supplement that you told her you wanted time off to get divorced but made time to date. I did not supplement that your child is under two. I could see how all of those things could frustrate a mother if her daughter complains about it. The brother who babysits while you date is he her son? Ok, that might be another reason. I never said you were a lazy whore. You know you need to get a divorce, otherwise why bring it up. Your child is very young so priorities are important. Mothers can be resentful and overbearing. When your son grows up what he does will still be your business.



You can tell her to respect your privacy but you can't force someone to like what you do. Since you know she won't be supportive, try not telling her your problems. We all have family we know will start drama or make it all about them. Write it in a journal or tell a trusted friend. Just be ready for their input too.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Serenitymom
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 1:16 AM

This actually almost makes me happy that my mom abandoned me. I couldn't imagine her telling me horrible things. I know she is your mom, but if she's unloading negative trash on you, then you need to restrict the amount of contact with her. I dont understand why you have to help support your parents. That's a little rediculous. And then she has the nerve to tell you how to live your life if her and her husband cant even support their own!? You need to find a somewhere where you'll have postive support. Being told hurtful things never helped anyone. Also, I think better advise about being depressed and hurt would be better supported in the depression support group. It's obvious that some people here are a little on the hurtful side and want to unload even more negativity on you... you dont need that, you need to believe you are better than that, you need positive support.

You sound like a good mom, but you gatta take care of yourself as well. You know how she is treating you, and you know its wrong. Once you believe that you deserve better treatment, even from your mom, you'll start being happier.

Good luck momma.... you'll need it!

GoldenLinds
by Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 1:33 AM
Firstly Thank you for actually reading what I said! It is kinda crazy that I have to hwlp my parents. It is a mutually beneficial situation most of the time. My mom is normally either silent about things or mostly kinda understanding. I don't know what made her suddenly stab me in the back like that today. I had a seriously bad moment. I know hormones and stress are getting the best of me today. My current guy has been my venting friend for a long time but he's gone today and I needed an immediate release. Writing in the hight of hurt can let all sorts of self doubt slip in. I know I don't deserve to be treated that way from her. I know I'm a good mom. It takes a good mom to raise another persons child for 7 years and it takes an even better mom to let a child go when its necesssary (lile I did when my sd needed her bio mom). I am doing better now but I'm still beyond shocked my mom had been harboring these thoughts for so long.

Quoting Serenitymom:

This actually almost makes me happy that my mom abandoned me. I couldn't imagine her telling me horrible things. I know she is your mom, but if she's unloading negative trash on you, then you need to restrict the amount of contact with her. I dont understand why you have to help support your parents. That's a little rediculous. And then she has the nerve to tell you how to live your life if her and her husband cant even support their own!? You need to find a somewhere where you'll have postive support. Being told hurtful things never helped anyone. Also, I think better advise about being depressed and hurt would be better supported in the depression support group. It's obvious that some people here are a little on the hurtful side and want to unload even more negativity on you... you dont need that, you need to believe you are better than that, you need positive support.

You sound like a good mom, but you gatta take care of yourself as well. You know how she is treating you, and you know its wrong. Once you believe that you deserve better treatment, even from your mom, you'll start being happier.

Good luck momma.... you'll need it!

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Serenitymom
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 1:41 AM

Maybe its a mid-life crisis thing... I dunno. Lol. But since you've said she's said things like this before, maybe she has some kind of turrets or something? Have you ever talked to her about the things she's said? Maybe she doesn't realize she saying these things..... my SIL has mulitple personality disorder and will say hurtful or negative things like that and not only not realize it, but she doesn't even remember.

Quoting GoldenLinds:

Firstly Thank you for actually reading what I said! It is kinda crazy that I have to hwlp my parents. It is a mutually beneficial situation most of the time. My mom is normally either silent about things or mostly kinda understanding. I don't know what made her suddenly stab me in the back like that today. I had a seriously bad moment. I know hormones and stress are getting the best of me today. My current guy has been my venting friend for a long time but he's gone today and I needed an immediate release. Writing in the hight of hurt can let all sorts of self doubt slip in. I know I don't deserve to be treated that way from her. I know I'm a good mom. It takes a good mom to raise another persons child for 7 years and it takes an even better mom to let a child go when its necesssary (lile I did when my sd needed her bio mom). I am doing better now but I'm still beyond shocked my mom had been harboring these thoughts for so long.

Quoting Serenitymom:

This actually almost makes me happy that my mom abandoned me. I couldn't imagine her telling me horrible things. I know she is your mom, but if she's unloading negative trash on you, then you need to restrict the amount of contact with her. I dont understand why you have to help support your parents. That's a little rediculous. And then she has the nerve to tell you how to live your life if her and her husband cant even support their own!? You need to find a somewhere where you'll have postive support. Being told hurtful things never helped anyone. Also, I think better advise about being depressed and hurt would be better supported in the depression support group. It's obvious that some people here are a little on the hurtful side and want to unload even more negativity on you... you dont need that, you need to believe you are better than that, you need positive support.

You sound like a good mom, but you gatta take care of yourself as well. You know how she is treating you, and you know its wrong. Once you believe that you deserve better treatment, even from your mom, you'll start being happier.

Good luck momma.... you'll need it!


GoldenLinds
by Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 2:04 AM
I have addressed it befor ebut she flat out denies it or she manages to take it so completley wrong. She has a real knack for playing the victim. I generally don't bother anymore but that one hit me hard.

Quoting Serenitymom:

Maybe its a mid-life crisis thing... I dunno. Lol. But since you've said she's said things like this before, maybe she has some kind of turrets or something? Have you ever talked to her about the things she's said? Maybe she doesn't realize she saying these things..... my SIL has mulitple personality disorder and will say hurtful or negative things like that and not only not realize it, but she doesn't even remember.

Quoting GoldenLinds:

Firstly Thank you for actually reading what I said! It is kinda crazy that I have to hwlp my parents. It is a mutually beneficial situation most of the time. My mom is normally either silent about things or mostly kinda understanding. I don't know what made her suddenly stab me in the back like that today. I had a seriously bad moment. I know hormones and stress are getting the best of me today. My current guy has been my venting friend for a long time but he's gone today and I needed an immediate release. Writing in the hight of hurt can let all sorts of self doubt slip in. I know I don't deserve to be treated that way from her. I know I'm a good mom. It takes a good mom to raise another persons child for 7 years and it takes an even better mom to let a child go when its necesssary (lile I did when my sd needed her bio mom). I am doing better now but I'm still beyond shocked my mom had been harboring these thoughts for so long.



Quoting Serenitymom:

This actually almost makes me happy that my mom abandoned me. I couldn't imagine her telling me horrible things. I know she is your mom, but if she's unloading negative trash on you, then you need to restrict the amount of contact with her. I dont understand why you have to help support your parents. That's a little rediculous. And then she has the nerve to tell you how to live your life if her and her husband cant even support their own!? You need to find a somewhere where you'll have postive support. Being told hurtful things never helped anyone. Also, I think better advise about being depressed and hurt would be better supported in the depression support group. It's obvious that some people here are a little on the hurtful side and want to unload even more negativity on you... you dont need that, you need to believe you are better than that, you need positive support.

You sound like a good mom, but you gatta take care of yourself as well. You know how she is treating you, and you know its wrong. Once you believe that you deserve better treatment, even from your mom, you'll start being happier.

Good luck momma.... you'll need it!


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN