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Coping with No Support

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What is the opposite of support? That's what I get. Its really starting to wear on me.
I live with my parents with my almost 2 year old. I work 4 days a week amd cover my bills amd contribute financially to the house. I take care of my son and mostly mind my own business.
I have recently begun trying to find a little me time. I started seeing a guy and we've been out 3 times in as many weeks. My brother does all the babysitting for me.
Today I mentioned to my mom that I need to find a day when I can go do paperwork without having to take and fight with my son. I need to get divorced! My mom immediately starts laying into me with such hate and judgement. I got lectured about how I can't go living my life without my son and how I need to take responsibilityfor caring for him. How she did everything on her own (which os total crap! I was there). She then proceeds to remind me that my husband was a simpke man and my marriage fell apart bbecause I was too selfish. Apparently I just needed to keep hi m supplied with booze and ignore him and I could be perfectly happy right now. I am wrong for objecting to his alcohol problem and the fact that he moved 2500 miles away to shack up with some ugly puerto rican emo chick.
I just feel so heartbroken. She makes me out to be so petty and immature and spoiled. I don't even know what to think. I hate wondering if she's right and I just don't see it. I try to do everything for my son. I don't let anyone help out when I'm around. I never work more than 5 hours at a time and rush home to be with him. The few dates I've been on were equally short. In his life I've only been out alone 5 times. But I still get grief for being a nonpresent parent. I really am heartbroken. I had no idea my mom thought so little of me. I thought moms were supposed to think the best of you. If that's the best she thinks I feel like I must be the worstt person alive.
I don't know how to get past this feeling.
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by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 5:40 PM
Replies (21-28):
ImaSoulMom
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 2:30 AM
If this is how you behave, I feel sorry for your mom and your son. Very immature. Yes, a child's age matters! Younger kids need more and can do less for themselves. The fact that you had to complain to your mom that you need a day without your son should be an indicator. Newsflash: Toddlers are very needy. But it sounds like you have your priorities all right. Keep whining about how you need to get divorced while dating and trying to get a day away from a one year old. Sounds about right.

A public message board is not a journal. You need a dictionary and a therapist. Bye.






Quoting GoldenLinds:

I made timevt date without any negativity from her. I made an offhand comment about going to file my papers and expected no opposition and shit blew up. My brother volunteers his time as a qualified adult who adores his nephew so her opinion on the matter is equally void. My sons age is of absolutely no relevance to the situation. I have been a parent for 7 years. I Never complained about my situation at ALL!! My priorities are always in order and come before anything else. Still assuming the worst.

Yes mothers can be unsupportive. Finally you see the point of the post. Simply a vent at the whiplash I got when mine was suddenly unsupportive. Again boundaries an a backbone are not the issue. I made the mature choice to walk away from the situation. Journal or vent .... WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK THIS FREAKING POST WAS BEFORE YOU HIKACKED IT YOU IDIOT!




Quoting ImaSoulMom:

I did not tell you to do what your mommy says. On the contrary, I said you needed boundaries and some backbone. You know staying with an alcoholic was not right for you. Mothers can be judgemental and overbearing. No, they are not always supportive. It sucks.





I did not supplement that you told her you wanted time off to get divorced but made time to date. I did not supplement that your child is under two. I could see how all of those things could frustrate a mother if her daughter complains about it. The brother who babysits while you date is he her son? Ok, that might be another reason. I never said you were a lazy whore. You know you need to get a divorce, otherwise why bring it up. Your child is very young so priorities are important. Mothers can be resentful and overbearing. When your son grows up what he does will still be your business.





You can tell her to respect your privacy but you can't force someone to like what you do. Since you know she won't be supportive, try not telling her your problems. We all have family we know will start drama or make it all about them. Write it in a journal or tell a trusted friend. Just be ready for their input too.

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hopealways4019
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 10:24 AM
first of all your not wrong for working. You have too, someone gotta feed your son. Do his dad pay child support? You also need a male companion ship. There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend some time with a man. Just along you dont have multiple men running out your bedroom. If you find a mate that is respectable go for it. You did the right thing by leaving your drunk ex, you didnt want your son.subjective to his excessive drinking. YouYou should try to find your own apt.
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tyfry7496
by Janet on Mar. 30, 2013 at 11:58 AM
1 mom liked this
I have read all your responses and you are judgmental. Just because someone has a child, even a toddler, doesn't mean they stop becoming a person. There is nothing wrong with a parent wanting or needing time away. It's good for the parent and the child. It won't harm the child for her to have time to get legal matter taken care of. Or just having adult time. If a parent has no adult time then the parent is stressed and that's not good for a child.

Get off your high horse and try being supportive instead of mean. You might be happier that way.


Quoting ImaSoulMom:

If this is how you behave, I feel sorry for your mom and your son. Very immature. Yes, a child's age matters! Younger kids need more and can do less for themselves. The fact that you had to complain to your mom that you need a day without your son should be an indicator. Newsflash: Toddlers are very needy. But it sounds like you have your priorities all right. Keep whining about how you need to get divorced while dating and trying to get a day away from a one year old. Sounds about right.



A public message board is not a journal. You need a dictionary and a therapist. Bye.












Quoting GoldenLinds:

I made timevt date without any negativity from her. I made an offhand comment about going to file my papers and expected no opposition and shit blew up. My brother volunteers his time as a qualified adult who adores his nephew so her opinion on the matter is equally void. My sons age is of absolutely no relevance to the situation. I have been a parent for 7 years. I Never complained about my situation at ALL!! My priorities are always in order and come before anything else. Still assuming the worst.


Yes mothers can be unsupportive. Finally you see the point of the post. Simply a vent at the whiplash I got when mine was suddenly unsupportive. Again boundaries an a backbone are not the issue. I made the mature choice to walk away from the situation. Journal or vent .... WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK THIS FREAKING POST WAS BEFORE YOU HIKACKED IT YOU IDIOT!






Quoting ImaSoulMom:

I did not tell you to do what your mommy says. On the contrary, I said you needed boundaries and some backbone. You know staying with an alcoholic was not right for you. Mothers can be judgemental and overbearing. No, they are not always supportive. It sucks.







I did not supplement that you told her you wanted time off to get divorced but made time to date. I did not supplement that your child is under two. I could see how all of those things could frustrate a mother if her daughter complains about it. The brother who babysits while you date is he her son? Ok, that might be another reason. I never said you were a lazy whore. You know you need to get a divorce, otherwise why bring it up. Your child is very young so priorities are important. Mothers can be resentful and overbearing. When your son grows up what he does will still be your business.







You can tell her to respect your privacy but you can't force someone to like what you do. Since you know she won't be supportive, try not telling her your problems. We all have family we know will start drama or make it all about them. Write it in a journal or tell a trusted friend. Just be ready for their input too.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
tyfry7496
by Janet on Mar. 30, 2013 at 12:02 PM
First, IGNORE those that pass judgment on you when they aren't in your shoes and don't know the whole story.

Second, you NEED time away from your child and there is nothing wrong with it as long as your child is with someone who loves him and takes care of him. Your brother spending time with him is wonderful and something your son needs, a male father figure. There are just some things women can't teach.

Third, you can't bring your child to do divorce paperwork and proceedings. Not an appropriate place for any child.

It's time for you to move out and let your parents support themselves.

Find friends that you can build a support system with. A support system is important.
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ImaSoulMom
by on Mar. 30, 2013 at 1:01 PM
How ignorant. When you have children you need to put your child first. I have seen women with newborns wondering about dating. Even pregnant women. You do not stop becoming human but you did have a child, it was your decision. That child comes first. But it is pretty sad when we have to jump on a man when our child is barely out of diapers.

I am happy. Mostly because I don't go on public forums, say stupid things and then expect people to agree with me. How naive.


Quoting tyfry7496:

I have read all your responses and you are judgmental. Just because someone has a child, even a toddler, doesn't mean they stop becoming a person. There is nothing wrong with a parent wanting or needing time away. It's good for the parent and the child. It won't harm the child for her to have time to get legal matter taken care of. Or just having adult time. If a parent has no adult time then the parent is stressed and that's not good for a child.



Get off your high horse and try being supportive instead of mean. You might be happier that way.





Quoting ImaSoulMom:

If this is how you behave, I feel sorry for your mom and your son. Very immature. Yes, a child's age matters! Younger kids need more and can do less for themselves. The fact that you had to complain to your mom that you need a day without your son should be an indicator. Newsflash: Toddlers are very needy. But it sounds like you have your priorities all right. Keep whining about how you need to get divorced while dating and trying to get a day away from a one year old. Sounds about right.





A public message board is not a journal. You need a dictionary and a therapist. Bye.


















Quoting GoldenLinds:

I made timevt date without any negativity from her. I made an offhand comment about going to file my papers and expected no opposition and shit blew up. My brother volunteers his time as a qualified adult who adores his nephew so her opinion on the matter is equally void. My sons age is of absolutely no relevance to the situation. I have been a parent for 7 years. I Never complained about my situation at ALL!! My priorities are always in order and come before anything else. Still assuming the worst.



Yes mothers can be unsupportive. Finally you see the point of the post. Simply a vent at the whiplash I got when mine was suddenly unsupportive. Again boundaries an a backbone are not the issue. I made the mature choice to walk away from the situation. Journal or vent .... WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK THIS FREAKING POST WAS BEFORE YOU HIKACKED IT YOU IDIOT!








Quoting ImaSoulMom:

I did not tell you to do what your mommy says. On the contrary, I said you needed boundaries and some backbone. You know staying with an alcoholic was not right for you. Mothers can be judgemental and overbearing. No, they are not always supportive. It sucks.









I did not supplement that you told her you wanted time off to get divorced but made time to date. I did not supplement that your child is under two. I could see how all of those things could frustrate a mother if her daughter complains about it. The brother who babysits while you date is he her son? Ok, that might be another reason. I never said you were a lazy whore. You know you need to get a divorce, otherwise why bring it up. Your child is very young so priorities are important. Mothers can be resentful and overbearing. When your son grows up what he does will still be your business.









You can tell her to respect your privacy but you can't force someone to like what you do. Since you know she won't be supportive, try not telling her your problems. We all have family we know will start drama or make it all about them. Write it in a journal or tell a trusted friend. Just be ready for their input too.


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witchybabymomma
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 7:22 PM
1 mom liked this

 I say try not to worry about it, my mother also plays the whole I did it by myself with 3 kids, or when I was your age blah, blah, blah. Of course she forgets how many times she has had to live with me and the fact that at 30 I am buying my second home while she has almost always lived in a home owned by my grandparents so on top of no rent she also has never had a house payment. I could go on and on, but moms are just moms and some think being older means they know everything.

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Apr. 1, 2013 at 8:59 PM
*hugs*
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Robsessed98
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 3:14 PM
1 mom liked this
Your mother wasn't in the marriage, you were. As long as you're good with what you did and didn't do, that's all that matters.
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