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How do you guide a 20 year old single parent?

Posted by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 6:53 PM
  • 19 Replies

I have a granddaughter, who is barely twenty with two children. She and the boyfriend had initially planned on getting married after graduating h.s. Their relationship was tumultuous, fast, and careless. They ended up pregnant, both graduated h.s. but college was entirely different. They wouldn't listen to anyone, the boyfriend's family allowed my granddaughter to "stay" there whenever she wanted. Wasn't long, they were pregnant again! So, the granddaughter bounces from my home to her boyfriend's family's home. The babies are gorgeous, but there has been alot of frustration and tension between both families. The boyfriend lives a promiscuous life, and he gets violent with my granddaughter. He has damaged property at my house, and while I was away on an emergency, she supposedly was involved in a fender bender. I don't think she was driving, but I can't get the truth out of them. Now, boyfriend is having "mental" issues and he has not worked in two weeks. He finally apologized for destroying my property, and has agreed to go to counseling. Now that he's allowed to visit my house again, he has taken liberty to spending the night at my house. I'm trying to guide these two into a healthy adult relationship, and I have put my foot down at sleep overs, and using my vehicles for running his errands (he wrecked his car, and a friend's car-- see why I don't believe my granddaughter was driving?). His mother expects nothing of him, demands nothing of him, so she gets "nothing". He is respectful toward me, but he is not sincere. He will keep my granddaughter and the kids out very late, in my car. I'm so tired of being used!

by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 6:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mz23
by Bronze Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 7:15 PM
Idk. But dont let them use your car if they can't respect your wishes of returning it on time
tottaxi
by Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 7:18 PM

This guy seems like a real piece of crap, but how is your granddaughter...other than having bad taste in men?  Is she a fit parent?

Definitely don't allow the car to be used by either of them. 

rockie01
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 7:24 PM

Thank you for your reply. Is she a good mother? I say yes, she's exhausted though, caring for a 2 1/2 year old, and a 7 month old. The boyfriend is a piece of work. I cry, I pray, I try to talk to them (sigh) I'm not going to be here forever, they need to get a clue. Things cost money, that 30 minute shower, that trip to go pick him up, the lunch we just took him to, ugh; goes on and on.

rockie01
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 7:26 PM

Thanks, grand daughter just borrowed car an hour ago to take him home, she's been gone an hour, his house is 20 minutes away! Keys are getting pulled.

Bookoholic
by Bronze Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 7:29 PM
Huh, that's so hard. I've been exactly where she is except I got my head on straight and left his ass. Anyways other then telling them can't use your car, there isn't much you can do but keeping telling your granddaughter she needs to make some choices. Lay it out ask her what does she plan to do in 10 years if bf is not around?
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tottaxi
by Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 7:51 PM
3 moms liked this

All I can say is don't make it easy for them.  Good for you pulling the keys.  Don't support them in any way.  Ask your granddaughter to contribute.  Is she working?  She should. Since they are not married she should file for CS from him.  Do this legally and by the book.  Force them to grow up and don't allow it to be at your expense.

rockie01
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 7:55 PM

I have brought up the child support issue, to help establish a routine payment for the children. She refuses. I have also asked her to set up a routine for him to see the children, she aint having it. She only works one day a week. She contributes nothing in the way of rent, or utilities. I am going to set up a payment schedule, however she won't be able to meet it. I've told her to apply for AFDC, just until she can get the oldest into school. I need the boy's mother to work with me, but she enables him to no end. She and her father are part of the problem. They don't understand that discipline is a form of love too. The boyfriend does not know the meaning of "no".

Hopefully with the counseling, she will open her eyes. 

rockie01
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 7:58 PM

Yes, you're right. I have asked them both, where do you see yourselves in 5 years, 10 years? 

The boyfriend says he doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up, I told him; "You have two children, "YOU'RE A FATHER'., let's start with priorities, and how can you and their mom give them a great life?

newlife2013
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 8:01 PM

if you could not assist her especially with the car, she needs to handle things with her boyfriend, the stress of all this can't be good for you, take care of yourself. 

rockie01
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 8:04 PM
1 mom liked this

Good point. It's supposed to be for taking babies to doctor, getting herself to work on the one day she works. I was away at funerals (yes plural, I lost my mother and my sister within 60 days) and I was pressed to leave her the keys so that she could take care of necessities. 

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