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ex playing the victim (vent and kind of long)

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:23 AM
  • 21 Replies

My ex should be awarded the best actor for playing a victim...anytime i tell him about things about the kids and how i think maybe he could help or actually godforbid care, he throws out that I am attacking him and that i shouldnt remind him that he doesnt see the kids all the time or not wanting to help. well when you tell me that you will try to do something but then i hear oh well she is fine and i dont see a problem, or no i cannot help pay for school, or help them do anything extra...what do you expect, of course i am going to say something, i dont hold back...i do not do it in an attacking way, i clearly state what i see is happening and he flips making conversation very difficult...he thinks that since my daughter doesnt act out w/ him or his family and at school she is fine and just being a middle child...he thinks she is better then she was before the divorce but he doesnt see what i see...she has been fighting me on going to his house when he picks her up and he is there for that and doesnt say anything about it...she says she doesnt want to leave me and she would rather be w/ me...she told me the other day that dads dont do anything, they are lazy...i asked why she thought that and she said, well he says in his room, or we have to get our own food and sometimes we cant reach it so we dont drink juice bc its too high, he doesnt come out to play he stays in the house or sits on the couch and he always makes us clean but sits on the couch or stays in his room with his girlfriend...i said well what about moms and she says, no moms do stuff, they play with their kids and get them food when they want and go outside with them and take them places...

now i know he does do things with them sometimes and he does take them out but i know she isnt too far off...my ex when we were together spent a lot of time on the couch not playing w. the kids, he would tell them he was too tired...even when i went to the story to go grocery shopping he would pass out on the couch and not get anything done if i asked him to pick up or maybe wash dishes for me...

this divorce has been hard on my kids and our living situation is strained and my ex doesnt feel that our kids need to talk to someone that himself and his family is fine and the kids should talk to them...he says since she is fine everywhere just not w/ me then its no big deal...but that makes me feel like he is saying i am a bad mother...my kids love being w/ me and i do so much for them and w/ them...maybe its because i actually try to talk to my kids about what has happened and i see their emotions come out...i just dont know what to do...i want her to see a counselor to talk and see if that might help  but my ex wont accept it unless there is an order for her that she needs to see someone, he wont do anything just bc i said so...he is turning this all around on him and saying that im accusing him of not helping but isnt really looking at how the kids feel...i am so frustrated and dont know what to do...i am going to call the school today bc he said he was going to this week, but he doesnt even know what to talk to them about since he wont even talk to me about this like adults...

by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:23 AM
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Replies (1-10):
a06z08mama
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:38 AM
What about having a talk with her doctor. And have them send her to a therapist or something. So that way its coming from the medical community instead of just you??

I feel your pain. My ex just stays in his tiny apartment and suffocates the kids with his and his GF smoke. Then just takes them to her parents house. He has isolated them enough from his family that they have to get ahold of me to see them. (((Little strange isn't it)))
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lovemybabes3
by Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:46 AM

wow yea that is a little strange...i hate the smoke thing too, the kids say their dad smokes in the house and its always a mess...

thats a good idea taking her to the doctors, but the thing is and he knows this, his insurance doesnt cover therapy for kids if the reason is because of our divorce or marriage...so getting an order saying that she needs to see someone is pointless bc neither of us can afford the bill to take her...i was trying to look into churches, or other groups and he said he would look but i know he didnt, he just came back and said that if the kids need to talk they can talk to him or his family...dont think that'll work, none of them are trained professionals... 

MommyAJ2921
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:52 AM

 FORGET what he said and lookinto the Churches...they don't normally charge for this sort of thing and your children need all the love and support they can get. If it helps her sort through all of this I'd DO IT. PERIOD.


Quoting lovemybabes3:

wow yea that is a little strange...i hate the smoke thing too, the kids say their dad smokes in the house and its always a mess...

thats a good idea taking her to the doctors, but the thing is and he knows this, his insurance doesnt cover therapy for kids if the reason is because of our divorce or marriage...so getting an order saying that she needs to see someone is pointless bc neither of us can afford the bill to take her...i was trying to look into churches, or other groups and he said he would look but i know he didnt, he just came back and said that if the kids need to talk they can talk to him or his family...dont think that'll work, none of them are trained professionals... 


 

a06z08mama
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:53 AM
I would keep looking into churches. Have you asked some places about payment plans?

My ex got mad because I invited his nieces and nephews to ds bday party a couple weeks ago. His sil got a hold of me the night before and said she and the kids would be there. And asked if she could stay or drop the kids off. I told her she could stay. And thats when she told me about just calling me to see the kids. **I did not get along with this sil when I was married to my ex. So this is a new thing to me.***
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lovemybabes3
by Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:59 AM


yea i definitely think i have to do this on my own...he doesnt want to be of any help and doesnt want to be accused of not helping but the fact that he doesnt really care if she needs to talk to someone makes me frustrated...what kind of father doesnt want their child to be happy and make sure that things are ok

Quoting MommyAJ2921:

 FORGET what he said and lookinto the Churches...they don't normally charge for this sort of thing and your children need all the love and support they can get. If it helps her sort through all of this I'd DO IT. PERIOD.


Quoting lovemybabes3:

wow yea that is a little strange...i hate the smoke thing too, the kids say their dad smokes in the house and its always a mess...

thats a good idea taking her to the doctors, but the thing is and he knows this, his insurance doesnt cover therapy for kids if the reason is because of our divorce or marriage...so getting an order saying that she needs to see someone is pointless bc neither of us can afford the bill to take her...i was trying to look into churches, or other groups and he said he would look but i know he didnt, he just came back and said that if the kids need to talk they can talk to him or his family...dont think that'll work, none of them are trained professionals... 





lovemybabes3
by Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:02 AM


idk if i could do payment plans...i still am not working so money is very tight and im taking most of his check anyways so he doesnt have the money to pay for things either...i cant wait til i get a job or go to school just to tell him he has to come up w/ money to help pay for daycare, bet hell tell me he cant do that either.


my ex was talking to my mother and my sister and brother in law behind my back...i wasnt speaking to my mom for a while bc of this and she would ask to see the kids when he had them...now we live w/ my mother and i cannot stand her, she has made it hell for me and is now talking to him bc she wants me to respond to her texts but she wont respond to my emails or texts...funny how family works huh

Quoting a06z08mama:

I would keep looking into churches. Have you asked some places about payment plans?

My ex got mad because I invited his nieces and nephews to ds bday party a couple weeks ago. His sil got a hold of me the night before and said she and the kids would be there. And asked if she could stay or drop the kids off. I told her she could stay. And thats when she told me about just calling me to see the kids. **I did not get along with this sil when I was married to my ex. So this is a new thing to me.***



quickbooksworm
by Bronze Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:04 AM

My ex does similar shit.  He doesn't ever visit or even call, then acts like it's just too hard and painful on HIM to be away from DS.  The couple times of year the ex wants to take DS, DS doesn't want to go but can't voice that to his father yet.  

lovemybabes3
by Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:12 AM

yea my ex used to say i miss seeing the kids and i wish i saw them more but cut time and doesnt spend any extra time really like it says in our agreement, he did offer to have the kids a little bit more but only bc its easier then going back and forth on certain days...i was surprised that he actually wanted to take them to school next month for one day...he has never taken them to school before...my kids all have said they dont want to go to his house at one point and come home crying that they missed me and wished they didnt have to go...they do have fun there but its also hard for them to be away from mom bc we are w/ them all the time and the dads dont get that, we have a bond w/ them that they wont really ever have or understand


Quoting quickbooksworm:

My ex does similar shit.  He doesn't ever visit or even call, then acts like it's just too hard and painful on HIM to be away from DS.  The couple times of year the ex wants to take DS, DS doesn't want to go but can't voice that to his father yet.  



MommyAJ2921
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 10:20 AM
1 mom liked this

 To answer your question..."what kind of father doesn't want their child to be happy and make sure that things are ok..." that's not a father...thats a man who got a woman pregnant. I've said it before and I'm gonna say it again and KEEP ON SAYIN IT....parenthood is NOT a right...its a privilege. *Lookin around the room at my fellow single moms holdin it DOWN....like that Nike Tshirt says EVERY DAMN DAY JUST DO IT!*...From what I've been through I've PAID MY DAMN DUES (and THEN SOME) and from what I see SO HAVE THE REST OF YOU. YOU GO LADIES!!!!!!!!

Quoting lovemybabes3:

 

yea i definitely think i have to do this on my own...he doesnt want to be of any help and doesnt want to be accused of not helping but the fact that he doesnt really care if she needs to talk to someone makes me frustrated...what kind of father doesnt want their child to be happy and make sure that things are ok

Quoting MommyAJ2921:

 FORGET what he said and lookinto the Churches...they don't normally charge for this sort of thing and your children need all the love and support they can get. If it helps her sort through all of this I'd DO IT. PERIOD.

 

Quoting lovemybabes3:

wow yea that is a little strange...i hate the smoke thing too, the kids say their dad smokes in the house and its always a mess...

thats a good idea taking her to the doctors, but the thing is and he knows this, his insurance doesnt cover therapy for kids if the reason is because of our divorce or marriage...so getting an order saying that she needs to see someone is pointless bc neither of us can afford the bill to take her...i was trying to look into churches, or other groups and he said he would look but i know he didnt, he just came back and said that if the kids need to talk they can talk to him or his family...dont think that'll work, none of them are trained professionals... 

 

 

 

 


 

lovemybabes3
by Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:00 AM


you are so right...we do just do it! that is what we have to do bc those kids depend on us everyday no matter what and we would go to the ends of the earth for them...ill be damned if he tells me i am not a good mother when all i do is for them...i dont go out or party or have many friends bc my time is spent with them...even if i am w/ my boyfriend, we do things for the kids and w/ them bc we want them to have fun and do something special...and my ex def isnt much of a man, he is so selfish and wrapped up in himself that he cant try to find a better job after that was all he complained about so he could go to school and not me...he does a half ass job for the kids and always has...i still havent gotten a job but i am happy that i am the one that is there for the kids when they are sick or am there for them whenever they need me...i wish i could find a job and be able to provide for them and not have to rely on him and one day it will happen but around here, no one wants to hire someone w/ no experience and i am getting frustrated bc i cant work a lot bc of daycare costs and my ex probably telling me he cant afford that either...

Quoting MommyAJ2921:

 To answer your question..."what kind of father doesn't want their child to be happy and make sure that things are ok..." that's not a father...thats a man who got a woman pregnant. I've said it before and I'm gonna say it again and KEEP ON SAYIN IT....parenthood is NOT a right...its a privilege. *Lookin around the room at my fellow single moms holdin it DOWN....like that Nike Tshirt says EVERY DAMN DAY JUST DO IT!*...From what I've been through I've PAID MY DAMN DUES (and THEN SOME) and from what I see SO HAVE THE REST OF YOU. YOU GO LADIES!!!!!!!!

Quoting lovemybabes3:


yea i definitely think i have to do this on my own...he doesnt want to be of any help and doesnt want to be accused of not helping but the fact that he doesnt really care if she needs to talk to someone makes me frustrated...what kind of father doesnt want their child to be happy and make sure that things are ok

Quoting MommyAJ2921:

 FORGET what he said and lookinto the Churches...they don't normally charge for this sort of thing and your children need all the love and support they can get. If it helps her sort through all of this I'd DO IT. PERIOD.


Quoting lovemybabes3:

wow yea that is a little strange...i hate the smoke thing too, the kids say their dad smokes in the house and its always a mess...

thats a good idea taking her to the doctors, but the thing is and he knows this, his insurance doesnt cover therapy for kids if the reason is because of our divorce or marriage...so getting an order saying that she needs to see someone is pointless bc neither of us can afford the bill to take her...i was trying to look into churches, or other groups and he said he would look but i know he didnt, he just came back and said that if the kids need to talk they can talk to him or his family...dont think that'll work, none of them are trained professionals... 









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