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Dealing with Resentment and Single Motherhood

Posted by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:41 PM
  • 10 Replies

For those that are single mothers as a result of circumstance ( mainly the dumb assbd) and not by choice, how long did it take you to get over the disappointment, resentment, anger and sadness of the situation and what did it take?


Just a little background...I broke up with my baby's father after he left me in the hospital by myself after a difficult labour. He cheated on me the whole time i was pregnant, i do not miss that relationship and will never go back to him. I love my son so much but it can be overwhelming at times to think about the road i have a head of me, i was not planning to do this alone. I held on to his father even though all my female intuition told me better because i wanted to give him the chance of having a family. I have so much resentment, anger, and sadness and know its not healthy to feel this way. I just want to know for any others that have similar situations, how did you come to terms with everything?

by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Kenzie_2
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:45 PM

I feel you!  there comes a point where you just have to let go. I held on to my ex for quite a few years and now I am still paying for it.  I wish I had listened to that intuition sooner because it ended up hurting myself and my children more.  I have a child from highschool that grew up calling him dad and now he won't have anything to do with him because he is not his biological child.  It breaks my heart.  At the end of the day I am the one taking care of these kids and protecting them.  He is an ever other weekend kind of dad and doesn't really committ himself to them like I think he should.  It makes me so sad and I wish that I could fix it, but eventually it does get better.  Though I still get quite angry still and we have been divorced for 4 years now.

Maryloe
by Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 1:18 AM
I have two Co parents. My first Co parent cheated on me when I was eight months prego and harassed me to take custody of our unborn child. I felt disappointed because it was a planned pregnancy and he cheated on me after we kept trying to have a child multiple of times but we had no luck until an year later. I was sad and mad because of his behavior but I never felt resentment because a beautiful child came out of this situation. Once she was out he was actually in tears and felt awful for his behavior, and I enjoyed dressing up our baby girl and had my friends through out this journey.
My second Co parent tried to abuse our son at ten months old, so I kicked him out on his birthday and called the cops. CPS got involved and took my daughter and son because of him. To say the least I was pissed, resentful, depressed, and frustrated. I got my kids back in six months and I had no choice but to deal with him because he was in my parenting class and through therapy I was able to get my emotions together in order to be a fit mom and get my kids back.
Do not feel resentful just know that you can only change yourself and be happy for making your light shine. Currently, my first co parent is a Disneyland dad who comes and goes in and out in my daughter a life but I email him weekly to show my daughter when she grows up that I always tried to communicate with her dad and I never forbidden him from visiting her. As for my second Co parent we share joint physical custody because he complied with his Cps plan and we communicate better in order to raise our son.
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LauraMH
by Bronze Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 8:26 AM
I have been away for over a year. I have had a year of therapy and am still angry on some days. I left him so my situation is a bit different. But I do know some of the feelings you are talking about. I held on to the relationship for years trying to make it work and let him treat me like shit. After being away i realize how much happier I am but I still feel upset and angry that things didn't go as I had hoped. It takes time to get through it. Once you are over the worst of it you will still have bad days here and there but it continued to get better. Hang on sweetie and know it does get better :)
Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 8:31 AM
As long as you hold on to the anger and resentment you are letting the BD have control over you. BD doesn't care that he hurt you and let you down. The anger and resentment is only hurting you by keeping you prisoner. Set yourself free and let it go.

BD will most likely never apologize for what he did. Once you realize that and accept it, you'll be better off and will begin to heal.
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Apr. 2, 2013 at 8:45 AM
At first I want sure I did the right thing but I had good support. My sons father had another girlfriend the whole time and even stole my car while I was in the hospital so he could go see her. I did the right thing even if I did the wrong thing initially by having sex with him
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steviechick
by Gold Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 9:00 AM

I was cheated on and left by my ex.  He fathered two kids behind my back and even moved in with his tramp while he was still pretending to be happily married to me.  He did this while he was active duty in another state.  My ex is mentally screwed up.  I found out the hard way after he embezzled money from me and snuck furniture out of the house (claimed he had a roomate at his unit to live with) and gave it to his tramp.  I used to have a lot of anger towards my ex.  Bitter anger and that anger was over years of complete and utter misery that I held inside of me.  Instead of being married to him I was the one that should have left years ago.  I was in a co-dependent relationship and had no idea I was suffering from this mental decease.  With family and friends to help me I have gained back my strength and willpower to move on in life.  I spent many years - too many years - being in denial and misery and forcing myself to think I was in love with my husband.  I know I did nothing wrong in my marriage.  I kept it together. My ex is to blame 100% for the break-up.  He has to live with his guilt, financially supporting three kids (two with her and one she had with someone else) AND paying me and our daughter support/loans he hasn't done in the past 9 months.  My ex is a loser in so many ways. 

Robsessed98
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 11:46 AM
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It was hard and took some time, tears and prayer, but it has to be done. The first thing you need to do is forgive him. Do it for yourself and your inner peace, not because he asked for it or deserves it. Until you do, you can't fully let it go and move on.
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deltathree
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Quietness is the surest sign that you've died. Your old life was a frantic running from silence. Rumi
Today at 12:52 PM
by Gold Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 11:46 AM

It takes time.  It's hard, but you're better off.  do you  have supportive family and/or friends to help?  Hugs.

MommyAJ2921
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 12:14 PM

 This right here is EXACTLY what I did. I forgave him, not for him..but for ME.


Quoting Robsessed98:

It was hard and took some time, tears and prayer, but it has to be done. The first thing you need to do is forgive him. Do it for yourself and your inner peace, not because he asked for it or deserves it. Until you do, you can't fully let it go and move on.


 

kitcal78
by Gigi on Apr. 2, 2013 at 10:50 PM
I'm still not 100% over my ex. I had delusions of grandeur about us being together. Then reality set in. I woke up from my day dream. I'm still battling with our past. I started eating to numb the pain and disappointment in myself. I'm still struggling. Its a one day at a time process. Be patient and find strength in you to keep moving in a position direction.
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