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Posted by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 1:32 PM
  • 6 Replies

Ladies, 

If you could provide me with your perspective on the situation I'd appreciate it. 

I very recently was contacted by my daughter's father's girlfriend. I didn't know he had one; no biggie though. I honestly don't care, it's his business and it's his choice whether to tell me or not. 

The reason she contacted me, is because she is now in the EXACT same position as I was 3 years ago, almost to the day, oddly enough. 

She is pregnant, probably no more than a month or so. He has been treating her poorly for a while, has the wrong type of priorities and she recently broke up with him as a result. She reached out to me to get my side of what happened between us; he obviously told her whatever it was he told her but I guess she started realizing that things weren't adding up.  She wanted to know what to expect from him going forward.

In a nut shell, he's been telling her so many lies. About me, about our relationship, about what happened to us regarding our DD. In fact, he gave her the same story about ME that he gave me about his ex when we were together. LOL. He is involved with our DD, pays his CS on time and all of that. She provided some insight for me on many lies he has made to me about our DD, which on one hand I'm not surprised because I know how he is and have come to accept it. But at the same time I'm so annoyed because he clearly hasn't changed, not even for the sake of our DD, and is still exactly the same as he was 3 years ago. It's sad and dissapointing. 

I gave her my side of the story, and prefaced it with the fact that I believe there are 3 sides to every story. In our case, his side, my side and the dead honest truth/reality of what happened. Both he and I's sides' are going to have biases because they're from our own perspectives. But his was soo far off, it was crazy. Alot of the things he really had no purpose to lie about...other than just for the sake of lying. I wished her the best of luck, I hope that she and my ex were able to work something out and told her, if she decides to reconcile it may be beneficial to consider seeking counseling with him so they can have a third party person help them thru their problems.  

I'm not sure still how to process the info. I'm partially feeling, vindicated because now that he is in the same situation again, it's pretty dang obvious that he's the main issue. He's the common denominator. I'm Sad/Dissapointed for my DD because he's still such an idiot. Mad at myself for even being with this guy because he really has some emotional/mental problems. And a part of me is being reminded of what I had to go thru 3 years ago, and I am feeling a bit anxious about it. I've moved on, and am happy with my life.... but just hearing that it's happening again, even though I'm peripheral to it... it's just like wow.

I want to shake him and say stop being such a freakin selfish immature idiot and get your shit together!!!! You are a father now!!!! With another one on the way! 

Anywho, any advice on the matter? I'm still processing all of it. 

by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 1:32 PM
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Replies (1-6):
Robsessed98
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 3:08 PM
You can't change him, so don't waste your time or energy on trying. You know what happened between y'all, so let him keep lying and it will come back to bite him on his ass again. You did the right thing telling her the truth, now what she does is up to her. Hopefully something good will come of it and your dd can grow up knowing her little bro/sis. One of my closest friends for the last 18 years is the mom of one of my ex's kids.
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steviechick
by Gold Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 3:32 PM

Ditton on you can't change stupid.  My ex is just as irresponsible as your ex and he lies just as much.  I'm sure he's told the new wife all kinds of BS about our marriage.  And, I'm sure that's what kept his tramp (now wife) seeing him.  Thing is though, my ex was cheating on his tramp (with me).  If she ever calls me about the break-up of their relationship (which I doubt because she was the cause of mine) I will tell her the truth about my ex.  I've got years behind her and I know him inside and out and every which way there is to know him.  My daughter won't know her siblings unless she reaches out to them.  She's 16 and 17 yrs older, so I doubt she will want anything to do with them even when she's married and has kids of her own.  Her father cheated on me and lied to the both of us for three years.  He's a louse for a father.  He has four kids now.  Two of which he simply walked out on.  Like your ex, my ex continues to lie and deceive everyone he knows.  He has a learned behavior that only he can stop and fix.  All you can do is the right thing for your child.  Like my mom told me when I was a little girl - always tell the truth.  It will set you free.

MaMa.Lu
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 4:37 PM

Thanks Mama. Believe me, I've taken the high road and I know that change happens within. And for the most part, as you get older it is harder and harder to change your ways. 


I guess it's just a shock that he really didn't change AT ALL given he is in the same circumstances at all!! It's like good lord, the average person typically grow's and matures just a LITTLE bit as time goes on... but he's in the exact same place?! I pity him in a way and it makes me sad for my DD... I'm still in shock right now I guess! 




Quoting Robsessed98:

You can't change him, so don't waste your time or energy on trying. You know what happened between y'all, so let him keep lying and it will come back to bite him on his ass again. You did the right thing telling her the truth, now what she does is up to her. Hopefully something good will come of it and your dd can grow up knowing her little bro/sis. One of my closest friends for the last 18 years is the mom of one of my ex's kids.



MaMa.Lu
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 4:39 PM


Thank you! Yes, I believe as well - just be honest! I don't get lying? If you mess up, own up to it. Learn from your mistake and move on. Lying... It seems so exhausting. Instead I focus on actually being a good person instead of working so hard to PRETEND I'm one. 

Quoting steviechick:

Ditton on you can't change stupid.  My ex is just as irresponsible as your ex and he lies just as much.  I'm sure he's told the new wife all kinds of BS about our marriage.  And, I'm sure that's what kept his tramp (now wife) seeing him.  Thing is though, my ex was cheating on his tramp (with me).  If she ever calls me about the break-up of their relationship (which I doubt because she was the cause of mine) I will tell her the truth about my ex.  I've got years behind her and I know him inside and out and every which way there is to know him.  My daughter won't know her siblings unless she reaches out to them.  She's 16 and 17 yrs older, so I doubt she will want anything to do with them even when she's married and has kids of her own.  Her father cheated on me and lied to the both of us for three years.  He's a louse for a father.  He has four kids now.  Two of which he simply walked out on.  Like your ex, my ex continues to lie and deceive everyone he knows.  He has a learned behavior that only he can stop and fix.  All you can do is the right thing for your child.  Like my mom told me when I was a little girl - always tell the truth.  It will set you free.



klee001
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 4:43 PM

sorry---this falls under the category of "you can't do anything about it" so you're better off ignoring it as much as possible and try not to get drawn into any situations concerning him unless it concerns your DD.

it is very frustrating though and sorry you're going through that--I spent a good 20 yrs waiting for some kind of vindication and unfortunately, my DS got hurt in the process, so the vindication wasn't really worth it for me

brieri
by Platinum Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 5:50 PM

Just let them be.  You can't change him.  I know there to be some fears within you.  What if she just called to find out your side of the story-she still won't know the exact truth - she may still be with him and there's nothing you can undo.  So let them go, as one says :Karma's a b......"

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