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My Real-Life Soap Opera Nightmare

Posted by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 9:42 PM
  • 15 Replies
Hi. I never thought my life would end up this way.
I met my husband on a dating website Christmas Eve of 2010. We were pretty much inseparable from that day. We felt strongly toward one another & he expressed the desire to get married. 5 mos later, we did. 3 days after our wedding, b4 we'd even moved in 2gether, I get a phone call @ my house from 2 women on a 3-way call. One of them, I was familiar with. She was his ex-fiancé who cheated on him w/his cousin & had been stalking him ever since (6 yrs!). The other, I'd never heard of. They told me my husband had been w/both of them & that he never mentioned me or that he was married. The mystery girl even said, "I'm his daughter's mother." I knew ONLY of my husband's 10yr-old he'd had in HS, but this one was new. Fast-forward to a few mos later, we're in court w/this girl & getting a paternity test. Turned out the baby was his. He'd admitted b4 the test was done that he'd slept w/this girl a month b4 we wed. It crushed me; yet I forgave him. Not long after, amongst all the drama, I learned I was pregnant. I felt trapped. I couldn't divorce now! I'd be all alone w/a baby. So I stayed. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He begged for my forgiveness. He swore he'd never make that mistake again. Fast-forward to April 9th, 2012. I had just given birth to our baby girl 3 wks ago. Then I got a disturbing, scary phone call from a hospital. My husband had been in a motorcycle accident & was hurt severely. I raced to the hospital w/my MIL (mom-in-law). He was so banged up. The (heart) surgeon came to me & warned me that my husband's injuries were grave, & that most patients don't make it to the hospital alive, less than 18%, to be exact. So, the fact that he'd survived that long was a good sign, but there was still a 50/50 chance w/the surgery. He had a torn aorta, among other life-threatening injuries. The surgery was a success (lotsa prayer) & he eventually came home, after 2 mos of recovery & phys therapy. He came home in mid June & went back to work in Dec of 2012. During this time, I was "holding down the fort", paying all our living expenses & all the baby expenses (daycare, clothes, diapers, etc). Fast-fwd to Feb 11th, 2013. I get a txt from work saying to call "Krystal". Assuming it was someone from work w/that name, I immediately returned the call w/my husband sitting next to me. That call changed my whole life. It was ANOTHER woman saying she had a baby (2-mos-old) by my husband. She claimed the baby was conceived (get this) April 8th, 2012. So, 3 wks after I gave birth, my husband had stepped out on me, AGAIN. I was devastated... & too through. I immediately kicked him out. I called my father & he sent the cavalry (his mom, aunt & sister) to me, along w/my stepmom for support. All my husband's fam (mom, grandmom & 2 aunts) live in the local area, so I was alone. So, fast fwd to today. I got a lawyer, started divorce proceedings, & had him come sign them @ my lawyer's office. It's been a month & he's done NOTHING to contribute financially to raising our daughter, & he hasn't visited her ONCE. Yet, he refused when I asked him to give up his parental rights. His reason was he'd be giving up visitation. (???!!!) I married a dang narcissist, a liar, a cheat & a con. I'm so ashamed & embarassed... & lonely. So I joined this site, hoping to find some relief, some support... I'm having a lot of trouble emotionally dealing w/this situation. I just need someone to talk to. Thanks for listening (reading). Apologies for the novel.
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by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 9:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LLbaby143
by Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 10:05 PM
2 moms liked this
Wow mama! Hugs. First of all, you handled it better than I could've. You def have every right to feel as devastated and emotionally drained as you do. I am so sorry uve been thru this. Life for you will get 200x better tho. You deserve so much better
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CEOPotts
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 10:12 PM
Thank u. I'm trying to hold on to my faith in God that He will get me through this. The hardest thing for me is looking @ my innocent daughter every day, having ppl constantly tell me how much she looks like her dad, & I have to fight hard not to hate her. I'm an emotional mess, crying out-of-the-blue sometimes, having to go to work everyday & put on a "happy face". I still wear my ring @ work so no1 will know. I don't want ppl in my business asking questions. His mother is so... Detatched. She (w/out my permission) brought my husband's 2-yr-old bastard child to my house as if nothing ever happened. She's apparently asked her son's permission but not MINE. Now she always wants to get my daughter & keep her whenever my daughter's "sisters" are in town & it just makes me sick! I don't even want my daughter around any children that were conceived outside our marriage (except his oldest bcuz she was here a decade b4 me). My husband & I don't even speak anymore.
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MommyAJ2921
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 10:45 PM

hugs  I totally understand. TOTALLY.


Quoting CEOPotts:

Thank u. I'm trying to hold on to my faith in God that He will get me through this. The hardest thing for me is looking @ my innocent daughter every day, having ppl constantly tell me how much she looks like her dad, & I have to fight hard not to hate her. I'm an emotional mess, crying out-of-the-blue sometimes, having to go to work everyday & put on a "happy face". I still wear my ring @ work so no1 will know. I don't want ppl in my business asking questions. His mother is so... Detatched. She (w/out my permission) brought my husband's 2-yr-old bastard child to my house as if nothing ever happened. She's apparently asked her son's permission but not MINE. Now she always wants to get my daughter & keep her whenever my daughter's "sisters" are in town & it just makes me sick! I don't even want my daughter around any children that were conceived outside our marriage (except his oldest bcuz she was here a decade b4 me). My husband & I don't even speak anymore.



LifeCafe42
by Nora on Apr. 2, 2013 at 10:49 PM
1 mom liked this
Hugs mama I'm so sorry welcome to the group I'm glad you found us!
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Robsessed98
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:07 PM
Wow, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's a tough situation and I've been through it too and lived to tell about it. You will too and will probably be happier in the end. Although there were no babies involved, thank God, I too was duped into believing in a sociopath. It was 2 years before I found out there had been at least 14 others (that he could remember). Funny thing was he honestly couldn't comprehend why I wouldn't stay with him. After all, he did apologize, tell me he truly regretted doing it (it was the alcohol that did it, not him lol) and swore he'd never do it again. It wasn't the physical acts that killed me, it was the lies, disrespect and betrayal. He never could understand that, because he isn't capable of experiencing emotions the normal person feels. By the time I got him to leave me alone (6 mos), I had cried and been angry all I ould. I had had enough misery and knew I had to do something or I would feel that way forever, which wasn't an option. That's when I finally realized it had nothing to do with me and what I did or didn't do to cause him to do it, it was 100% his lack of character and conscience. I realized how sad and pathetic that was and I felt nothing but pity for him and his miserable existence. So, even though I never gave him the satisfaction of knowing, I chose to forgive him - for my own peace of mind, not for him. After that, I was ready to put it behind me and move on. Don't waste your time feeling like a fool for believing in the piece of shit. You aren't responsible for his actions. You did all you could to make it work, so your conscience is clear and you're good. You know you deserve better, so do what you need to do to come to terms with it and move on. As far as your child goes, you can't make him take his visitation, but you can have his checks garnished and force him to pay support. ((hugs))
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steviechick
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 4:10 PM

I SO feel your pain.  My ex did the same crap to me.  He fathered two kids out of wedlock within one year, embezzled money, stole furniture and used me as an ATM machine.  NO MAN should do that to another woman - especially a WIFE.  I spent 26 yrs of my life with a total loser.  I held his hand and accepted all of his complex problems from the many jobs my ex had to the non-stop money problems he dragged me and our daughter through.  Instead of divorcing me, my ex decided to turn into a total douche bag.  I'm dragging him through the court system now just to force him to pay me the loans I gave him and ensure he financially supports our daughter while she attends college.  It's not my problem that he decided to become a sexual scumbag and create children with the office tramp.  That's his and her problem.  My ex has obligations to me and our daughter and until they are fully met I'll be on his ass like flies on trash.  

I can't force my ex to see his daughter.  That's up to him.  If he wants to continue to show our daughter that he's a louse then that's his problem.  I've washed my hands of him.  But, I won't stop fighting for what belongs to her and that's what her father agreed to when we divorced.  She at least deserves that much from her own father. 

I actually thank the tramp for having an affair with my ex.  She was the main reason for finally getting rid of a scumbag.   I was in misery for years.  Battling my own conscience and will to stay married to a loser. 

Don't stay angry with the ex.  Feel pity for him.  He definately is a sad person with a pathetic lifestyle.

CEOPotts
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:39 PM

What on earth is WRONG with these men?  What kind of woman raised them?  What kind of father did they have if any?  I mean dang, they don't even care that they're ruining these kids' lives, too.  Robbing them of having a complete family; of having a father in their lives; siblings they can grow up with, not just come and visit on occasion.  Smh.  Some men shouldn't be allowed to reproduce.

jenn31
by Bronze Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:45 PM

Just Curious? What dating site was that. 

CEOPotts
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:34 AM

Has anyone ever heard of DDHD.com?  Better known as Don'tDateHimGirl.com.  How about Cheaterville.com?  I actually put my husband on there...  Crazy thing is, one of the women I mentioned (his wacko ex) CONTACTED ME on there to say she tried to "help" me when she called my house 3 days after my wedding.  I just read it and I can't BELIEVE she's STILL contacting me.  If you care to read it, simply Google "Who did I marry? Cheaterville.com" and read the one posted Feb 21, 2013.  It's despicable.

Thank you for the warm welcome, ladies.  I'm feeling better and stronger already.  :)

CEOPotts
by on Apr. 4, 2013 at 1:37 AM

Jenn31, you wouldn't happen to have a sister who lives in Connecticut, do you?

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