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how can he do this...

Posted by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 9:53 PM
  • 14 Replies

so again i keep hearing things that the kids tell me about what goes on at their dads house. i know i am not supposed to pry but when my kids are basically being neglected i have to start asking questions.i know sometimes kids say things and you dont know if you should believe them...they have told me in the past that their dad stays in his room when the kids are over...he has them every other weekend and tuesday nights for a few hrs after school...they say he stays in his room, sometimes his door is closed and sometimes he has his girlfriend over and they spend most of the time in the bedroom while her kids and my kids are either outside or in the living room...my daughter has been fighting on going and today he told her that he had a surprise, she told me when i picked her up that the surprise was that his gf and kids were coming over and my daughter was not happy about it bc she said his gfs son is very rude to her and no one does anything about it...not sure exactly what he says but she said he told her she was annoying...then the kids tell me about how their dad doesnt make them breakfast bc he doesnt want to get up and tells them they can do it or wait...but they have to climb things to get their food...what if they fall or hurt themselved? does he think about that? he is sleeping and cant get off his ass the few days he has his kids and spend time w/ them...i dont know what to do...i wanted to call dcfs on him when he was living in a different house bc it was filthy...i mean the kids were sleeping on garbage and there were piles of paper and garbage everywhere...now he is in the house we were living in and the kids say it is cleaner but there are a lot of toys on the floor bc they dont clean up...just sometimes when he makes them...the kids also say that he doesnt put them to bed and just lets them sleep wherever, whenever...i know thats his rules at his house but it just seems like laziness on his part and that he really isnt trying to be a father...any advice?

by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 9:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Keela222
by on Apr. 2, 2013 at 10:58 PM

Well my advice to is to sit down and have a talk with him about everything thats going on. He make say its not true. So after you talk to him ask your kids one by one whats going on over there. If he is in his room when they come over then why do he even come and get them? Being with his gf is not spending time with his kids. He needs to get it together. Best of luck.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Apr. 2, 2013 at 11:07 PM
It's he said she said unfortunately when your kids are older they can choose of they want to go. Maybe voice your concerns to him
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Robsessed98
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 12:47 AM
You could try talking to him, but that would no doubt accomplish nothing, unless maybe hearing his kids' words might get his attention. If he does do all they are telling you, I seriously doubt it would be grounds to change visitation to supervised and certainly not to have them taken away. Just start documenting every thing that happens and what your kids say for backup if you ever do try to modify visitation.
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Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 1:01 AM
Unfortunately we cannot mandate interactions between our kids and their dads. It does sound like it's bordering on neglect with the not helping them get fed. But calling DFACS won't really do much good at all. They rarely remove kids, even in WAY worse situations than you've described. It is ridiculous but true.

You could email him and put it to him like you must have misunderstood what the kids were saying because surely he spends time with them and makes sure they are well taken care of, etc. It might not change anything but it may make him rethink what he's doing/not doing since the kids are telling you.
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lovemybabes3
by Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 7:23 AM

me and their dad are not on speaking terms...if we start talking face to face we always end up fighting so we only email each other...everytime i do say things to him he comes at me that i am attacking him so i am cautious about what i say...but i do write down these sort of things bc he has broken the agreement already umong other things he has said and done...its just ashame that he hides in his room, what if one of the kids gets hurt and he is too busy w/ his gf? doesnt he think of these kinds of things? why say you miss your kids but not spend time w/ them? and they are getting to the point where they dont want to go, they rather be w/ me but they arent old enough to make that decision yet


Quoting Robsessed98:

You could try talking to him, but that would no doubt accomplish nothing, unless maybe hearing his kids' words might get his attention. If he does do all they are telling you, I seriously doubt it would be grounds to change visitation to supervised and certainly not to have them taken away. Just start documenting every thing that happens and what your kids say for backup if you ever do try to modify visitation.



easinpc
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 9:18 AM

Hugs!

cdjd23
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 5:12 PM

Does the custody agreement have anything about who is allowed around the kids or anything like sleeping accomodations? I might look into tightening that up if possible but other than that I don't think there is much you can do but ride it out and hope things get better.

massenberg
by on Apr. 3, 2013 at 6:22 PM

Hav you ever wondered what he was doin in the room all the time. the kids says hes in ther when she not there, that seems odd and he dont come out to check on them to feed them or his self and when the gf comes its the same. something is goin on and its not jus tired. that needs to checked some kinda way

lovemybabes3
by Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:54 PM

yea he does it no matter what, whether his gf is there or not...i feel that it is neglect...my kids are 8, 6 and almost 5...they really arent old enough to be on their own and fend for themselves...they also say he doesnt feed them lunch sometimes and i made a post about this maybe in another group but they keep saying he forgets or doesnt give them anything for lunch when he has them...they say sometimes he doesnt but most times not...i worry about their safety...i know you cant always watch your kids every second but come on, those are your kids, its your responsibility to look after them to make sure they are ok...he even lets them outside in the backyard by themselves and the playset is unsafe...also, from his bedroom, there is no window into the back so he cannot see them if he is in his room and they are outside


Quoting massenberg:

Hav you ever wondered what he was doin in the room all the time. the kids says hes in ther when she not there, that seems odd and he dont come out to check on them to feed them or his self and when the gf comes its the same. something is goin on and its not jus tired. that needs to checked some kinda way



lovemybabes3
by Member on Apr. 3, 2013 at 8:56 PM


that was only for the first 6 months after the divorce, and even then, his gf was still over on the weekends and i never said anything about it

Quoting cdjd23:

Does the custody agreement have anything about who is allowed around the kids or anything like sleeping accomodations? I might look into tightening that up if possible but other than that I don't think there is much you can do but ride it out and hope things get better.



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