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I cannot stand her (vent)

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So my daughter has been having really bad tantrums lately. Things are stressed at home (me not getting along w/ my mom, whom we live with)...well today my daughter was pulling me, screaming at me and hitting me while we walked to the car after school. I stayed calm and finally got her in the car after almost everyone had left and trying to get her to get in...we got home and i told her she couldnt have a piece of candy but could have a snack. well, she just kept screaming and I ignored her hoping she would stop. well my mom came in my room and told her to come downstairs with her and she was going to get her something after I told my daughter to get her own snack bc she is big enough to get something out of the pantry. i hate that my mother takes it upon herself to butt in...me and my mother are not on speaking terms. i refuse to talk to her bc it ends up in a fight which is why we are not speaking, well she wont talk to me unless i speak to her in person but my kids are tired of the fighting and she doesnt care. idk what to do but i am so tired of dealing with her

by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 5:04 PM
Replies (31-38):
easinpc
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 2:45 PM

Hugs!

yellownes8
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:46 AM
I'm sorry you have to deal with that...I had to move back in with my mom for a few months after me and ex split. Luckily me and her get along well.
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krisnkids
by Silver Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:06 AM

It sounds like little one is acting like mom is. You aren't talking to your mom because you are mad at her, little one is hitting you because she is mad at you.  She can't go without talking to you so she acts out in a way that she can.  Resolve your differences with your mom, even if this means bowing to her demands and sucking it up.  Its not like you have much choice.  Then get down to unemployment, the local college anywhere that offers job training/finding assistance and get a job.  Is little one's dad paying child support?  If not get down to CSE and get him on the list to get paying, are you receiving any kind of assistance? Qualify for food stamps? Go down to the food stamp office get the food stamps and give the card to your mom to use for food expenses while you are living there. 

There are so many options for assistance you need to find them all and utilize them all.

lovemybabes3
by Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 11:51 AM


i am not talking to my mom bc she thinks it is ok to yell and scream at me in front of my children and nothing gets resolved w/ her...i am tired of the kids seeing the fighting that goes on w/ her so i do choose not to talk to her...my daughter was this way before we moved in w/ her so that isnt the cause of her actions, she was like this when me and her father separated...i ihave some state assistance but i can only get so much...and i am looking into going back to school and seeing if i can get help w/ daycare bc for 5 kids it is very expensive...my mom does get money from me, its rent i pay for her, she doesnt cook for me or buy my food for the kids, i do...i pay my bills and dont rely on her other then living in her house...i take care of the kids myself and dont ask her for help anymore bc of her actions and yelling


Quoting krisnkids:

It sounds like little one is acting like mom is. You aren't talking to your mom because you are mad at her, little one is hitting you because she is mad at you.  She can't go without talking to you so she acts out in a way that she can.  Resolve your differences with your mom, even if this means bowing to her demands and sucking it up.  Its not like you have much choice.  Then get down to unemployment, the local college anywhere that offers job training/finding assistance and get a job.  Is little one's dad paying child support?  If not get down to CSE and get him on the list to get paying, are you receiving any kind of assistance? Qualify for food stamps? Go down to the food stamp office get the food stamps and give the card to your mom to use for food expenses while you are living there. 

There are so many options for assistance you need to find them all and utilize them all.



krisnkids
by Silver Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:21 PM

Go to school online at the local community college, you don't need daycare and depending on what state you live in you may qualify for a fee waiver on top of financial aid.  Put the older ones in daycare after school, the YMCA has financial aid, apply for childcare assistance for the younger ones.  I know how pricey childcare is, I have 4 myself.

DO NOT atttend any of the "get your degree in 18 months" programs.  They are a ripoff and many real colleges do not accept their transfer credits.  For their program you will be paying 20k, while you can pay 1/4 of that to get your degree at the local colleges.

To be honest? If my grown daughter moved back into my house with 5 kids I would either be screaming or shut away in my room.

CryMAd
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:29 PM

My cousin is having a similar problem, I've been watching it as an outsider for a couple of years now.  Their problem is lack of communication.  He has one way he wants to deal with his kid, she has another way, and basically the kid isn't getting disciplined at all.  He's 6 years old, and knows just how to work them over.

So sit down with your mom, calmly, let her know how you want to parent, listen to her ideas, and come up with a disciplinary solution you both agree too.  A big thing you both need to learn is to not question the other while the children are being disciplined (as long as theirs no physical abuse then get your kids outa there).  If your mom is in the middle of disciplining, and you don't agree wait till she's done, your child is not in the hearing range, and let her know you didn't agree with her and why.

If you interupt eachother the kids pick up on it, turn you too against each other, and no-body is getting anywhere.

Good luck, I'd hate to live with my parents, mostly because I don't agree with the way I was raised and don't want my daughter to have the same experience.

lovemybabes3
by Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:49 PM

she wanted this...not me...and she does hide in her room and i understand bc it gets crazy at times but this is what she asked for when she told me to move in w/ her


i have been looking into online schools but im still not sure what i would go into yet, but im looking into all of my options


Quoting krisnkids:

Go to school online at the local community college, you don't need daycare and depending on what state you live in you may qualify for a fee waiver on top of financial aid.  Put the older ones in daycare after school, the YMCA has financial aid, apply for childcare assistance for the younger ones.  I know how pricey childcare is, I have 4 myself.

DO NOT atttend any of the "get your degree in 18 months" programs.  They are a ripoff and many real colleges do not accept their transfer credits.  For their program you will be paying 20k, while you can pay 1/4 of that to get your degree at the local colleges.

To be honest? If my grown daughter moved back into my house with 5 kids I would either be screaming or shut away in my room.



lovemybabes3
by Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:52 PM

and that is one of the biggest reasons me and my mom dont get along, i dont agree with how she views things and how conservative she is...i am totally different then her and she doesnt like the things i do or how i do them and wants to control what i do and how i act...so discipline is tough at times but i usually handle things if they need to, she will just tell them to stop or knock it off bc its her house and then leave it at that...


Quoting CryMAd:

My cousin is having a similar problem, I've been watching it as an outsider for a couple of years now.  Their problem is lack of communication.  He has one way he wants to deal with his kid, she has another way, and basically the kid isn't getting disciplined at all.  He's 6 years old, and knows just how to work them over.

So sit down with your mom, calmly, let her know how you want to parent, listen to her ideas, and come up with a disciplinary solution you both agree too.  A big thing you both need to learn is to not question the other while the children are being disciplined (as long as theirs no physical abuse then get your kids outa there).  If your mom is in the middle of disciplining, and you don't agree wait till she's done, your child is not in the hearing range, and let her know you didn't agree with her and why.

If you interupt eachother the kids pick up on it, turn you too against each other, and no-body is getting anywhere.

Good luck, I'd hate to live with my parents, mostly because I don't agree with the way I was raised and don't want my daughter to have the same experience.



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