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dad jealousy issues

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 6:57 PM
  • 16 Replies
my 5 year old son's father recently came back into his life after years of separation due to the military. i thought this would be great for our son to have his dad around. he keeps him every other weekend. the issue is that every weekend he takes or son to do something special, monster truck rally, baseball game, foot ball game, hockey game, concerts, you name it they are doing it. every other weekend he comes home raving about him and his dad have such a good time. he's now asking me why we don't do anything fun like him and dad do but i can't afford to do things like that every weekend! we do small stuff and a lot of crafts and dub time at home. i feel like all of a sudden I'm having to compete for my sons affection and I'm losing badly! the last straw in my composure happened last weekend. his step dad and i got him a the new bike that he wanted because he had been improving so much in school. when he saw it his response was "daddy got me a bike too its way cooler and has pegs on it for tricks". i lost it and cried for hours. i just being jealous that my son has someone else in his life? i mean i am the one who had been there every day of his life up until this point.. how do i deal with this?
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by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 6:57 PM
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dstarr347
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 8:13 PM
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It is not a competition. Your son knows that you love him because you hav been there to comfort him in the middle of the night when he has a nightmare,kissed his skinned knees. You do the real parenting and his dad is a fun loving stranger who is trying to catch up on loss time.You earned your son's love and respect . His dad has to buy it. When there is a problem you are the one he will seek out.Face it  your son's dad is the typical weekend dad.I think it is great he is back trying to establish a relationship with your son and being consistent in picking him up for visits. The fact that your son has 3 adults in his life that love and care for him is a true blessing! There is a West African proverb that says: A child can have many fathers but only one mother. The bond between a mother and child is one that can never be replaced. How do you deal with this? Just keep being the loving attentive mom you have always been since he was born. Stay strong and keep positive thoughts.hugs

Best wishes,

Danielle

Jennyanne322
by Bronze Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 8:15 PM
2 moms liked this
His dad is buying his sons love. You will never have to do that. It's only a matter of time before dad realizes he can't afford doing that every weekend too.
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Robsessed98
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:05 PM
4 moms liked this
Don't think of it as a competition bc it isn't. Your son is having fun getting to know his dad and that's nothing but good. Non-custodial parents are more fun bc they aren't the ones having to so the hard work and discipline. Let him enjoy being with dad bc I guarantee when he's older he will see who did the real parenting and love you more bc of it.
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brieri
by Platinum Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:18 PM
1 mom liked this

 HI and welcome to the group.

I know what it's like for a DisneyLand Dad to be able to do fun things in life for his children.  My ex has done the same if not more, than I could ever do, 1) because when they were to visit me, and I'd take them someplace, he was always interfering.   2) He made me sick. 

Plan something with your family such as going camping -find out what your child will be learning in the next grade level and try to find those places on the map and make travel arrangements to get there for the summer for a week or two.  Your child will experience a far worthy note on that over going to the things their father is taking them to. 

heyyojojo
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:48 PM
1 mom liked this
i know its not a competition its just so hard to not want to out do him... because i know that his dad is getting the big memories that my son will think back to when he's older. its really tough when my son CONSTANTLY tells me how cool his dad is and all the stuff he gets to do.
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:38 PM
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He's a Disneyland dad although its fun your child will understand live isn't monet
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sunshine389142
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:49 PM

It is hard.  My ex isn't the disney dad at all, but until recently EVERY picture she made it seemed like was for Daddy.  I lost it on Valentine's Day because she not only made several different Valentine's day things (she goes to preschool and daycare so there are lots of activities) ALL for Daddy, but then she said our house was not home (I was in the middle of taking her dad to court to force the sale of the house he lives in - he consider's it DD's house in a way...hard to explain, but I think he had been saying stuff about it being her home).  I just couldn't take it anymore that day.  It was like....not only had I gotten her a few things for Valentine's Day, but there was just so much stress recently and then she had been missing him so much and asking about him so much because he has been so absent recently.....I just broke down.  

She loves me and I know that.  I know that no matter what he does or doesn't do, she knows that I will always be there.  And sometimes even though I know all of that and I feel her love so much, I still feel bad that I cant do more for her, that I can't make her miss her dad less, that I would love for her to make projects for me, sometimes I still need to just cry and talk to someone about how I am feeling.

It is hard sometimes.  I think it is great that his dad is coming back in his life and being consistent.  That is really good for him.  I am sure things will calm down with, but no matter what try to keep your head up.  :-)  It will be okay.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 12:52 AM
2 moms liked this
Honestly I'd have reprimanded him for being unappreciative regarding the bike. He knows you have always been there. Dad is "new" to him.
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Jenn8604
by Silver Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 12:58 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm the mean mom who would have put the bike up for a month and said you can ride your bike at dads only since you don't appreciate the one I bought you.
Disneyland daddy will fade when daddy gets tired of him and dad is never having him when he is supposed to. I've seen this w my friends' kids quite a bit. Dude swoops in buys buys buys. Walks off end of dad story. Leaving broken hearted lil kids.
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Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 1:24 PM
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I agree- you cannot feed into the buying your child things to try to outdo dad. Otherwise you are raising a spoiled rotten child that never appreciates anything.
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