Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

visitation problems

Posted by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:35 PM
  • 17 Replies
ok ladies I need some help. My ds is 12 and in the last several months he doesn't always want to go to his dad's on visitation. When I ask him why he says that he's not treated the same as his dad's girlfriends kids. I have talked to his dad about this and his dad doesnt see it and basically calls me a liar. My son has told his dad and nothing changes. My son even mentioned talking to the judge about it. I just don't what to do to make it better for my son. His dad insists that my kids go on his weekend so keeping him at my house is out. Any mommas had to deal with this? Any idea how I handle this?
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:35 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
sunshine389142
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:42 PM

I would say that until there is a court order changing the visitation schedule, you should follow the court order.  Even if he doesn't want to go, you should try to encourage him (Which is does sound like you are doing).  I think you are doing everything right.  It would be nice if your son's father would actually listen, but I know my ex didn't ever want to listen when his oldest daughter didn't want to come.  He just got crappy about it and acted like a child himself.  If it really becomes an issue, I would think your next step would be to try and change the court order...

I wish I had better advise.  Hopefully someone in here will.  Good luck!!

brieri
by Platinum Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:45 PM

Make an appt with a therapist on father's visitation weekend (Friday), before his pick up time. Tell the father he will pick up child from therapist - therapist to go with child to father and child can tell father he doesn't want to go and then runs back to your car - your child is free -.  at least that's what happened to my children and me - Therapist has no morals standardsd between parents.  They don't care if your child wants to go with NCP or not.

momkristi
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:50 PM

 Would the judge even change the court order? My ex gets every other weekend, some holidays, and half the summer. I think my kids need to see their dad so I'm not sure how the court orfer would change.


Quoting sunshine389142:

I would say that until there is a court order changing the visitation schedule, you should follow the court order.  Even if he doesn't want to go, you should try to encourage him (Which is does sound like you are doing).  I think you are doing everything right.  It would be nice if your son's father would actually listen, but I know my ex didn't ever want to listen when his oldest daughter didn't want to come.  He just got crappy about it and acted like a child himself.  If it really becomes an issue, I would think your next step would be to try and change the court order...

I wish I had better advise.  Hopefully someone in here will.  Good luck!!


 

CEOPotts
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:50 PM

I was in this situation sord of... when I was 12 and my parents were divorced.  I didn't want to live with my mom because she lived a kind of vagrant lifestyle.  She was constantly moving from place to place & I wanted to stay at my school with my friends in a familiar area.  At the age of 12, a child is able to make their own decisions in court... at least in CA that is how it is.  If your son feels this way, and he's already talked to you, already tried talking to his dad, then maybe he should go to court with you and tell a judge.  It's worth a try.  Just make sure YOU don't let it seem as though you are coaching your son to not visit his dad.  Sometimes that's the 1st thing everyone thinks, as crappy as that would be in your situation.  Best of luck to you.

momkristi
by Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 9:54 PM

 


Quoting brieri:

Make an appt with a therapist on father's visitation weekend (Friday), before his pick up time. Tell the father he will pick up child from therapist - therapist to go with child to father and child can tell father he doesn't want to go and then runs back to your car - your child is free -.  at least that's what happened to my children and me - Therapist has no morals standardsd between parents.  They don't care if your child wants to go with NCP or not.

 I have to meet at city hall to exchange kids. If I don't make the kids go I am in contempt and will go to jail on Monday  
 

 

brieri
by Platinum Member on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:01 PM

 That's even better you got the POLITICIANS - find one and have your son speak to him/her and them both POLITICIAN and YOUR SON walk to the father's car where the son tells the father in front of the POLITICIAN he doesn't want to go and then your son runs back to your car -- phffttt "Catch me if you can"  lol.

Quoting momkristi:

 

 

Quoting brieri:

Make an appt with a therapist on father's visitation weekend (Friday), before his pick up time. Tell the father he will pick up child from therapist - therapist to go with child to father and child can tell father he doesn't want to go and then runs back to your car - your child is free -.  at least that's what happened to my children and me - Therapist has no morals standardsd between parents.  They don't care if your child wants to go with NCP or not.

 I have to meet at city hall to exchange kids. If I don't make the kids go I am in contempt and will go to jail on Monday  
 

 

 

soulofsunmama
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:05 PM
In the state of texas, a child decides at age 12 if they want to go and/or live or not.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
newlife2013
by on Apr. 5, 2013 at 10:44 PM

If you have a guardian, pls have your son speak the guardian as often as possible, keep calling and make appts. Also a therapist that meets only with your son that can write the court a letter about how your son is feeling and you do everything for your child 24 hours a day no one will believe the mother.   

I had the same problem, I stopped talking about it with him and even had him write summaries of the visits to share wth the therapist and her letters helped terminate visits because it showed he was also having trouble in school because every visit was negative.  I was not referred to in the letters, it was her professional observations after weekly sessions with my son, takes a long time but without any negativity, your son will see he can make decisions on his own.  Good luck.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:04 PM
Check out the age most states at 12 he can decide
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momkristi
by Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 4:13 PM
I have tried this but the cops that are there say I have to make my son go. There are police reports from where my son refused to go and I was gonna o to jail if I didn't force him to go


Quoting brieri:

 That's even better you got the POLITICIANS - find one and have your son speak to him/her and them both POLITICIAN and YOUR SON walk to the father's car where the son tells the father in front of the POLITICIAN he doesn't want to go and then your son runs back to your car -- phffttt "Catch me if you can"  lol.


Quoting momkristi:


 


 


Quoting brieri:


Make an appt with a therapist on father's visitation weekend (Friday), before his pick up time. Tell the father he will pick up child from therapist - therapist to go with child to father and child can tell father he doesn't want to go and then runs back to your car - your child is free -.  at least that's what happened to my children and me - Therapist has no morals standardsd between parents.  They don't care if your child wants to go with NCP or not.


 I have to meet at city hall to exchange kids. If I don't make the kids go I am in contempt and will go to jail on Monday  
 


 


 


Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN