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Need to vent...ex is totally a jerk to my baby girl

Posted by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 10:26 PM
  • 10 Replies

Hello ladies,


so yesterday evening I went out and had my ex come to watch our 2 month old daughter and 4 year old, thinking it would be a good time for him to bond with the baby.  He moved out 3 weeks ago and since then he hasn't seen our baby or spent time with her - he's only asked to take my 4 year old every weekend to stay with him.  I come home to hear the baby crying hysterically and my ex looking angry.  When I asked him what's wrong he says that the baby has been crying for 4 hours nonstop and that he's done everything to try and help her stop so after awhile he just left her there in her crib to cry.  Then he said that she's crying because she probably doesn't know him and that she "may as well not be my daughter".  I go to the room to pick her up and poor thing has swollen eyes and just looks miserable....he then says that she is spoiled by me and my family and that he may as well not be a part of her life.  I was so angry and hurt that he would say these things...I mean, she's just a baby and doesn't even know what's going on.  I don't want her to grow up thinking that her dad loves her big sister more.  As usual, he started to blame me saying that its because he's not living at home that she's acting like that and that it was my fault that he moved out because I couldn't fix my issues.  Now I don't even feel like letting him come over to see her...even if I let him, I don't think he even wants to come over which is so unfair to our little one.   I've just had about enough of him....even with him out of me house I have to deal with his stupidity and I'm just so tired of it.  And now he's even taking his anger out on our baby.... I don't even know what to do anymore.  Just so tired of everything...

by on Apr. 6, 2013 at 10:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
brieri
by Platinum Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 10:58 PM
1 mom liked this

 Gota remember he's a man/guy/boy whatever you want to call him.  Men don't know how to take care of babies by themeselves.  So the next time take the baby with you alone and he can watch the 4 yr old.  When baby is a year old and/or walks/talks verbally then he can take care of her. 

mz23
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2013 at 11:12 PM
Sounds like he just got overwhelmed. Probably not a good idea to leave a baby so young with someoned esp one not that much experience with a baby, or a guy? Esp that long. Youd think hed deal and. Figure it uout like you but that's how men are. They're not us.: ) maybe let him watch her for 20 mins or let him spend time with her while your there. Hes being a jerk but sounds like he's a good dad to the other little one. Sone people havr a hard time with newborns.
Lita5202
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:26 AM
1 mom liked this

 I would be mad at him but be thankful he was honest with you and admitted he just left her in their to cry. Something worse could of happened. Being so little and clearly is not used to taking care of a baby. I wouldn't leave a baby that long with him. Either be there when he watches the little one or only leave for a quick errand so he can get used to be taking care of a baby and the baby can get used to him.

soulofsunmama
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:33 AM
I dont agree with this at all this patronizes him, and justifies his actions, while completely letting him off the hook.

I don't think I would leave the baby with him again, but *just* because he's a man, does not make this an excuse


Quoting brieri:

 Gota remember he's a man/guy/boy whatever you want to call him.  Men don't know how to take care of babies by themeselves.  So the next time take the baby with you alone and he can watch the 4 yr old.  When baby is a year old and/or walks/talks verbally then he can take care of her. 

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a06z08mama
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:41 AM
My ex was great with my dd when she was a baby. I even came home from work to find him having a blanket rolled up and under his shirt to make "boobs" because his chest was too bony. But when ds came he was an ass. And left me home with both all the time. Nursing a jaundice newborn and having a 21 month old was not fun. At that point ex would say when they are 3-4 he will help out more...

Now they just sit in front of his TV and play Xbox all weekend.
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Maviloria
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 2:53 PM

Thanks ladies for your replies.  I guess the reason why I left him with our dd for so long was because with our 4 year old he was the primary caretaker when she was little (due to our work schedules - I work mon - fri 9-5 and he works every other 3 days since he is a firefighter).  So I assumed that he would have no problem taking care of our newborn.  Now I feel like he is playing favorites ... He is very close to our 4 y/o for that reason and I don't want him to not have that type of bond with the little one.  I give him every opportunity to come over and see her but he never asks and I have to ask him if he wants to come by.  Now I feel like he will be even more against coming over and honestly I don't know if I want him to especially after what happened.  It's hard for me to be in the apartment when he's over because he is angry and has a volatile temper.  The other night he called me stupid in front of our 4 y/o.  Even when he drops her off or picks her up he doesn't even acknowledge me.  At least with him I try to be cordial and say hello good morning even if I just want to ignore him. 

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Apr. 7, 2013 at 2:58 PM
It's not your fault the baby doesn't know him maybe be should watch her more often if that's going to be his excuse
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ajohnson08099
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 3:06 PM
I sense a lot of resentment here on his part. You may be cool with him but maybe he's stil hurt. Why did he really move out because of him or you?

I think the babysitting was a bad call on both parts.

I'm sorry but... he knows you 4 yr old not this new baby he Will havea stronger bond with her.
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MaddieLainesMom
by Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 6:16 PM
I think he's probably just more comfortable with your 4 year old. She can talk and tell him what's wrong. He doesn't have that motherly intuition you have and the baby probably isn't used to him. Let him warm up to her. Suggest he come over for a few hours (right after nap time) so he can see her with you there. I think you're both just trying to figure out how to be parents by yourself. And I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but no matter what you'll have to deal with his stupidity because he's the father of your kids. You're stuck with him forever because you're both going to have to be there for the important stuff. Not only that, but you guys will always have a special bond because you brought these tiny people into the world. No matter how majorly he screws up you'll always care for him. It's a sad truth. Just hang in there and remember why you're putting up with him at all - those beautiful girls of yours. In time it'll all work out. Enjoy that he's spending time with your oldest and help him to be comfortable with your little one. She won't remember this time anyway by the time she will remember stuff, he'll be comfortable with her. Just don't let him watch the little one ANYTIME soon!
Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Apr. 7, 2013 at 11:13 PM

I agree...I def wouldn't leave him alone with the baby....be present when he is there visiting the baby...*HUGS*

Quoting brieri:

 Gota remember he's a man/guy/boy whatever you want to call him.  Men don't know how to take care of babies by themeselves.  So the next time take the baby with you alone and he can watch the 4 yr old.  When baby is a year old and/or walks/talks verbally then he can take care of her. 


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