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Her father is suppose to visit next weekend but....

Posted by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:52 AM
  • 17 Replies

She doesn't want him here. She is only 4 and I did push but she hasn't changed her mind. She doesn't know who he is to her but she does know him. She has skyped with him in the past and he has visited but had not seen her in over a year and before that it was a year and half . It's like pulling teeth. We moved to a new place and doing week and I really need to make a tough decision either to just get him out of her life for good. He doesn't push for it so it would not be hard but then I will feel guilty or let him visit and hope she warms up to him. I have no idea. I want her to know him but not him get any ideas about taking her ect. He n ever wanted her and we have no court order ect. I will never do anything with out a court order. He does pay support when he wants to.

vtw I didn't move any further away then I was before just I n a different direction. I am nervous to have this man in her life but I know I don't feel guilty later on in life becaused I tried. I can't force someone to be a parent. 

That is my story briefly right now. 

He told me he might be getting married and if he does then its done. He can start his life with his new wife and we can just move on. 

She won't know what she is missing. My dad has been her daddy for her four years and that is fine. A family is not defined by having a mother and father it's about love and support always for the child. 

Update. So he decided not to tell me that he was going bring his family and I told him I do not want them here and he talked down to me when I cancelled the plans and actually said I can't cancel any time I want. I said yes I can. 

He has some nerve to talk to me like that. Besides I am going to Vito's my grandmother. She is not doing well and she is more important then his plans in which he made with out informing me or having no consideration of my space. Yes he was coming here so having respect for another person you are visiting space is respectful and the only right things to ddowel, I did decided not to text him updates or email him anything about her. No communication is best. I moved to start over. He doesn't make an effort so I will stop. That is what he wants. I am even thinking about stopping child support. 

by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 8:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Two_Hearts
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:08 AM

Have him come anyways ...let him make that decision on whether or not to continue with her life. 

However , i woudl tell him ' either you are a father and you are here for her on a regular basis , or you are not ..you need to make the choice and give her a stable life'.

I basically did that with my DD's dad , told him to step up or step out ...he chose to step out and he hasn't been a part of her life in 6 yrs. (she is 10) 

libramoon007
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:29 AM

The thing is he can't be here on a regular basis. It will be difficult. He is 3 hrs away. But at least make an effort to call her. He has never called. He text me when he feels like it. I usually the on texting and mostly getting ignored. So it's so difficult. I changed my whole life for her. Moved out of state when she was born so my parents could help. I also went back to school and then got a good job and moved 4 hrs from family. So it is the first time for us to be away from family. It's going to be difficult to just have him here. I don't know if it should be his decision. He has not put in the effort and I can't wait around for him to. So I migh do what you suggest. But he will start with wanting her over night and I don't want that. I don't want the drama. The answer is no. She doesn't know him and I don't trust him with her. I don't know. I am still not sure about it. 

arkmomma06
by Bronze Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:47 AM
I would let him come see her, but you tell him how it is. Maybe, just maybe, it will work out to where he sees her more. Good luck!!
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libramoon007
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:05 AM

He will come one time and then wait a year. And then see her one time and wait a year. It's his pattern. He use to see her more as a baby but that stopped when he started dating different women and he disappears. He reappears when he is single. So he wanted to come last minute and I tell him we have plans and he gets all upset. Like I am suppose to drop everything and change my life so he can come its his convenience not mine, I do not think so. It should be at a enough time . I have a new life I started here. I am little frustrated. We shall see if he even shows or even wants to come. If a man really wants to be part of a child's life he will do anything to be part of it like going to court but he has never. He has threatened in the past but he has never followed through. 

Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 2:02 PM
You need to have a talk with him and honestly tell him what she's said and how you are feeling about how he treats HER. All the other stuff doesn't matter and shouldn't have any bearing on whether or not he sees her.

Let him know that if he does want to continue to be in her life, he needs to formally, thru court, set up REGULAR visitation and child support. If he makes the choice to do that, he has every right to be in her life and have visitation. But, most likely he will walk away. Telling him how it will be makes the choice up to him and your conscience can be clear, knowing you aren't the one that told him to leave. Your daughter can never blame you if daddy makes the choice not to be involved.
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Apr. 7, 2013 at 3:14 PM
You shouldn't deny him but he needs to know that he needs to be a consistent in her life and not expect her to want to see him if he's not around more
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libramoon007
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:54 PM

He pays support but never wanted to set up a court order and I told. No alone visitations with out a court order. And he gets mad if its not his way. Too bad. It's not about me. It's about her safety and making sure under the law I get her back. But he all talk. I will never deny him but I am the one doing everything. Sending him updates. He never asks. When I say never. I mean in 4 yrs never. He never wanted her. He never saw me once during pregnancy. . Life does not revolve around him. He is a very selfish Individual and when someone did not give him he got puffy. So here I am. 

SoKamele
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 4:59 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm just gonna throw this out there..................for you to chew on.

If he is getting married......there is the possibility that his new wife....might want him to step up. So if I were you I'd get my paperwork in order. Just in case.

IMO......in this type of situation it's never good to leave things in limbo.

libramoon007
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 5:12 PM

I know. I have thought about that too. He probably says all this stuff like its my fault or something.  He has another child with other woman and he has been in that child's life since birth because she did take him to court. But had his opportunity. His child lives far away now and it irks me that if he is pretending to be father of the year. When he isn't. I met one of his girlfriends she pissed me off. She seemed to want to play house with my child. Well this chick better not even think about that. I will tell him straight out just because he is getting married nothing changes unless we go to court and I get full custody. It will get ugly. I will tell them very disturbing things that he told to me  and would never get unsupervised visitations. Trust me. I a, very very protective. He can't threaten me with out me fighting back. So we will see how it plays out. 

Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 7:03 PM
I hate to tell you but unless you have recordings or texts or emails regarding the things he supposedly said, a judge won't really consider your testimony as the end all be all truth. It just doesn't work that way. Plus, it might not even matter if you do have copies especially if it was a long time ago.




Quoting libramoon007:

I know. I have thought about that too. He probably says all this stuff like its my fault or something.  He has another child with other woman and he has been in that child's life since birth because she did take him to court. But had his opportunity. His child lives far away now and it irks me that if he is pretending to be father of the year. When he isn't. I met one of his girlfriends she pissed me off. She seemed to want to play house with my child. Well this chick better not even think about that. I will tell him straight out just because he is getting married nothing changes unless we go to court and I get full custody. It will get ugly. I will tell them very disturbing things that he told to me  and would never get unsupervised visitations. Trust me. I a, very very protective. He can't threaten me with out me fighting back. So we will see how it plays out. 


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