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I need some help in dealing with my children

Posted by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:04 PM
  • 9 Replies

I'm a single mom of 2 children, a 8 month old girl and a 2 year old boy. their dad was involved up until 4 months ago when he beat me up then walked out. he's been back a couple times since then but nothing good came out of it. I recently moved to get away from him and be closer to my family for a better support system. It's been just over a week since we moved, and it's been an absolute horror story. I was raised in a family that spanked and thats how i originally started parenting my son, but would like to switch to attachment and positive parenting. So far i'm not having much luck. I work 2 jobs and am under alot of stress so I lose my temper pretty quickly. I haven't had a night out without my kids in 2 years and that might be part of my problem, but I feel bad asking anyone to watch my kids because I can't afford to pay. Mostly i just need some advice on how to keep my temper. I try to live by the AP motto "my child isn't giving me a hard time, He's having a hard time" this is a brand new situation for both kids, my daughter is breast fed at home, and is having a hard time at the daycare from being seperated from me, my son throws a fit about everything from being asked to eat his chicken to picking up his toys. And at that time I lose my temper and yell and he ends up with a spanking. Even when I get down on his level and explain why we don't do something he cries. His dad was his favorite person and he tended to get his way with him, and with his dad walking out and only showing up when its convienent has to be hard, but its hard to think that way. Does anyone have any advice on what to do? How to help me stick to my parenting style changes and keep my temper? Thank you so much. I"m sorry this is really long.

by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:04 PM
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Replies (1-9):
mrsary
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:06 PM
I am in same situation...
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Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2013 at 9:24 PM
Get a timeout chair and try that. Super Nanny and those types of shows seem to have good success. But you have to be consistent with it. Sometimes you may need to put yourself in timeout too.

Also, seek counseling for yourself ASAP.
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tyfry7496
by on Apr. 7, 2013 at 10:19 PM
Counseling for you. Be patient with your son, he's probably confused and scared by the new situation.

Don't even try to discipline if you are angry or upset. Count to 10, 20, 100 before doing anything. Talk WITH your child about why he shouldn't do something. Help him come up with better more appropriate ways to handle situations. Help him by asking how he would feel if someone did something to him (ex hit him, broke his toy, etc). Give him the words to use.

You NEVER have to spank a child to have a respectful, well behaved child.

And learn to fight your battles. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Find out WHY he's exhibiting a certain behavior and then try to fix it with his help.
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amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 2:46 PM

I agree with Janet, you need to sign up for some counseling sessions for yourself.  You've been through a lot in a short time and have a lot of new things going on too.  Sometimes we just need to get a little help learning how to do things differently.

(((hug)))

easinpc
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 3:02 PM

Hugs!

Shyandteyamommy
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 4:35 PM
I'm going threw a similar situation as her so I'm glad she posted this ill try to seek counseling for myself as we'll it's just that you have to have the money to go an I don't.
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Shyandteyamommy
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 4:36 PM
I'm going threw a similar situation as her so I'm glad she posted this ill try to seek counseling for myself as we'll it's just that you have to have the money to go an I don't.
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Maryloe
by Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:19 PM
I would suggest for your anger you seek a counselor, medical can help if you can not afford it.
My suggestion with handling your parenting.I would say time out are effective as long as you are consistent and very patient. If your child does not want chicken, make chicken with his favorite dish. My daughter disliked cauliflower and she would not touch anything with cauliflower so I blend cauliflower into the spaghetti sauce and she enjoys spaghetti with the secret sauce. Kids learn through play, so maybe make up a song to help your child to clean up and catch your son being good, praise him for his little achievements.Perhaps even let your child help you make dinner, then your child will want to eat the food that you guys made together.
I think you are doing well when you are getting down in his eye level to correct his actions. I think if you can use I statements your child might not cry. For example if he draws on the wall, say I get mad when you draw on the walls. Using I statements makes the child feel that his actions are not appropriate and not him.
Also, you mentioned that you moved closer to your family so do not hesitate to ask for help. Sometimes people do not know that you may need help unless you ask.
I am really impress that you are a single mom of two young children and maintain two jobs. You are one strong mom.
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sthflachk
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 5:24 PM
This....I often tell my dd who is 3 I need a time out when I feel myself getting pissed...I ask her to sit in her room or turn on the tv while I have my time out and go from there.

I also ask myself if what I want from her is needed or if I am trying to impose my will on her. Like...if she doesn't eat her food...is it worth a fight or should I just tell her ok and then when she's hungry give her the food again.


Quoting Andrewsmom70:

Get a timeout chair and try that. Super Nanny and those types of shows seem to have good success. But you have to be consistent with it. Sometimes you may need to put yourself in timeout too.



Also, seek counseling for yourself ASAP.
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