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Anxiety gone overboard?!

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:30 AM
  • 11 Replies

Everytime my kids go to vist their father my anxiety level is through the roof.He only gets them a few hoursat most once a week, he usually sees them once a month. I get so worked up inside I have made myself sick. The children have no clue as I keep it together and happily get them ready. My daughter gets excited. She is 4 and was able to establish a bond with her Dad before he took off. My son, 2, on the other hand gets confused and worried. He did not bond with his Dad and sees him as a person who comes then Mommy disappears. The visits are hard for him, he cries most of the time and when he returns he either passes out for hours or cries with his eyes shut tight and wont let me cradel or touch him. I usually sit in his room queitly singing his songs until he comes around. My daughter comes back with a rude tongue and she wont listen. The few hours she is with her Dad there are no rules She comes home and there are those rules again. I know they need to see their Dad but its so hard. How do I make it easier for my son? How do I stop freaking out,so I can enjoy the time I have on my own? How do I stop missing them hen they are gone? Is it normal that I feel like a fish out of water when my kids are not right by my side?

by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 11:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
brieri
by Platinum Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:25 PM

 Its normal missing your kids, but sometimes you have to let them go for just a little while.  Perhaps having a talk with their father about setting rules in his house so they coinicide with yours may be of help.  dk.  If not, then just do the best you can when they are with you. 

easinpc
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:27 PM

Hugs!! 

lovebienmom
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:50 PM

 Thank you so much for saying this is normal. I know I need to let go a little bit. Its important for them to know their Dad and learn confidence without me. Its just hard and it doesnt get much better as times goes. I wish I could have a good co-parenting relationship with their Dad, but he does the opposite of what I suggest and has said since he doesnt see them he wil be the Disney Dad. I have learned to occupy my time when they are gone by grocery shopping (much easier alone) or other shopping.

5:30pm come fast please!!!

Quoting brieri:

 Its normal missing your kids, but sometimes you have to let them go for just a little while.  Perhaps having a talk with their father about setting rules in his house so they coinicide with yours may be of help.  dk.  If not, then just do the best you can when they are with you. 


 

breebree04
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 1:12 PM

Im alittle confused on how often he gets them. Does he get them every saturday or only one saturday a month? Do they spend the night with him? Maybe you could talk to him about getting them alittle more frequently so your son can get use to seeing him and being with him. I think your son will adjust eventually either way, he is just still too young. As far as your daughter goes, I dont really have much advice. His house/ his rules, you just have to be consistent at your house and remind her that you and daddy may have different rules but when she is at home you expect her to follow them.

steviechick
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 1:55 PM

I know it might be hard but perhaps you can talk to the stbx about how parenting skills (lack thereof).  Most dads suck when it comes to parenting.  Men just lack that quality of being a decent parent.  Your stbx knows how things are in the home you two shared.  He can at least put the law down for his kids when they are with him.  If anything, it only puts you as the 'horrible' mother.  I would hope your stbx thinks about his kids' wellbeing and actually agrees to upgrading his parenting skills.  If he doesn't then its up to you to sit your kids down and explain to them what your rules are when they are with you.  One parents has to step up to the plate.  If anything be that good parent.

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Apr. 8, 2013 at 2:12 PM

It's been 4 years since this all started and and I still have a lot of anxiety when my kids are gone.  *HUGS* to you mama!*

____________________________



lovebienmom
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 8:52 PM

He is allowed once a week visits for 4-6 hours and no overnights and he cannot leave the county. He chooses to only come once a month and he always cuts the visits short (which I dont mind). He lives 7 driving hours away so if their were overnights it would be in a hotel. He has never had overnights with them.

Quoting breebree04:

Im alittle confused on how often he gets them. Does he get them every saturday or only one saturday a month? Do they spend the night with him? Maybe you could talk to him about getting them alittle more frequently so your son can get use to seeing him and being with him. I think your son will adjust eventually either way, he is just still too young. As far as your daughter goes, I dont really have much advice. His house/ his rules, you just have to be consistent at your house and remind her that you and daddy may have different rules but when she is at home you expect her to follow them.


 

lucasmadre
by on Apr. 8, 2013 at 9:18 PM

I know and have felt every single thing you expressed in your post. It is so hard, all I can say is that it gets easier in time and if he is a decent man then it is good for them to see him even if he doesn't know how to parent very well (no rules.) I deal with all the same stuff but in the end my son loves his dad so we work it out. The thing with your son doesn't sound right, he may be too young for this transition...I might consult my lawyer on that one. He sounds like it is real trama for him to go...so sorry you are having to go through this. Hang in there, as time passes it got better for me and I can actually relax some when he is at his dad's finally. XOXO

yellownes8
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:48 AM
It's normal...I trust my kid's dad for the most part but there's still a part of me that worries when he has them.
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lovemybabes3
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:55 AM

i am trying to figure out how to control my anxiety as well...mine is all the time for the most part and rises when i have to deal w/ my ex or fighting w/ my mother...i am such a mess most of the times but hide it so that the kids dont know, if i do have a break down and start to cry i try to leave the room and collect myself but for the most part i am always shaking 

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