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Feeling Stressed...

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:06 AM
  • 9 Replies

This week is a busy week.  My DD's preschool has a Dad's Night event tomorrow evening.  Of course her dad is not going (read previous post about disappearing Dad for more on that).  But my sister's fiance is going to go with her.  She is very excited - which I am glad about.  Wednesday is her second softball practice.  Thursday evening is Kindergarten round up!  We are both excited about that :-)  And Friday is softball practice again.  Its not that this week is too busy that is stressing me out...its just everything.


I lost my job March 27th and I am still looking.  I got on to substitute at one of the schools in the area, but I am not working very much yet.  I will be taking my DD out of daycare soon because I cannot afford to send her and not work consistently.  I will be out of money at the end of the month unless something changes.  Luckily, my DD and I have been living with my mom since I left her ex 1.5 years ago, but obviously I am not happy with the situation.  I have been wanting to figure out a way to move out for awhile, but losing my job doesn't really help that happen.


I am currently in the process of selling the house I bought when I was with my ex (and put his name on the property - yes stupid).  It is probably going to take forever.  My ex is still living there currently, but getting ready to move to North Carolina (again see post about disappearing dad).  I may have to force him out soon though.  He was suppose to pay 757.16 by the end of March for back rent from the date of file to March (I had to file stuff with the court to get the house sale going).  He paid 700.  However, he was suppose to pay another $300 April 1st for rent for April (since he is staying in the house, he is suppose to pay 1/2 reasonable rent - I lowered the amount to be agreeable and move things along).  He has not paid the $300.  I will probably have to file something Friday with my attorney to get him out of the house for breaking the agreement.


Also, if you read the previous post, you know that my ex completely blew off his parenting time the weekend before this past.  If he does not exercise his parenting time this weekend, it will make the longest time my DD has ever gone without seeing her father.  She is handling things okay considering, but I worry about her.  I think I am more stressed out about it than she is.  I hate not knowing if he is going to get her.  I want him to see DD for her.  She needs her daddy.  And if he sees her, it will show that he has not completely lost it.  He is at least a little bit of the person i once knew.  I am so sad and disappointed in the way he has been acting toward me and toward our daughter.  We always were able to work together for our DD before this now fiance came around (or before I knew she existed a week before christmas).  I know that I shouldn't be surprised or that it all shouldn't matter.  But it hurts.   It hurts that he is disregarding his children for this woman...that he seems to have forgotten everything.  And its stressful not knowing if he is ever going to see DD again.  Yes I want him to see her this weekend because I she misses him so much.  But the other part of me hopes he doesn't so then I know...okay he really is walking away....but even then, I will wonder every other weekend if I will hear from him wanting to see her - at the very least until he moves away.  I try to stay strong about all of this...and not let my anxiety and concern affect my DD, but even if I was perfect at that, she misses him.  A part of me wonders if I should have her see a counselor if he continues to disappear.  Another part thinks I need one more than she does.  It is so stressful for me not to know what is going on.  I could always predict his behavior for the most part - now, I am clueless...I have no idea what is going to happen.  


I am sorry, I know I am rambling.  But I guess it is my turn to have one of those nights...where you are just stressed out, anxious, tired, hurt, and frustrated.  I love my baby and I hate that her father can allow so many things get in the way of his love for our daughter.  And sadly, he will never realize its his fault....his choices...he will never take responsibility for the love he is taking for granted and the love he is hurting.  I know you all don't know know me, but I am more than reasonable with him.  I may not be the easiest custodial parent, but I am pretty easy.  And I know a part of me hurts so much because I do care about her father.  And I hate that there is nothing I can do to get through to him to make him understand what he is really doing....

Okay.  well, I will stop rambling.  Thank you for listening.  

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 12:06 AM
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Replies (1-9):
proudmother5946
by Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 7:00 AM
1 mom liked this
All you can do is just take it one day at a time. Work on accomplishing what you can right now. Let the lawyer handle the house problem, that's his job. Maybe living with your mom isn't ideal, but you have a roof over your head at least.
As for visitation, you can't make him step-up and do what's right. That's on his head. He's making these choices. You just have to protect your daughter as best you can from being hurt.

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:10 AM
Hope things start working out soon *hugs*
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yellownes8
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:21 AM
I'm sorry you are dealing with all that...hope things get better for you
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brieri
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:08 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting sunshine389142:

This week is a busy week.  My DD's preschool has a Dad's Night event tomorrow evening.  Of course her dad is not going (read previous post about disappearing Dad for more on that).  But my sister's fiance is going to go with her.  She is very excited - which I am glad about.  Wednesday is her second softball practice.  Thursday evening is Kindergarten round up!  We are both excited about that :-)  And Friday is softball practice again.  Its not that this week is too busy that is stressing me out...its just everything.  This appears to be very thrilling = don't stress, take one day at a time. 

 

I lost my job March 27th and I am still looking.  I got on to substitute at one of the schools in the area, but I am not working very much yet.  I will be taking my DD out of daycare soon because I cannot afford to send her and not work consistently.  I will be out of money at the end of the month unless something changes.  Luckily, my DD and I have been living with my mom since I left her ex 1.5 years ago, but obviously I am not happy with the situation.  I have been wanting to figure out a way to move out for awhile, but losing my job doesn't really help that happen. 

 Who will be watching your daughter then while you are looking for a job?  Living with mom is heck a better place to be right now, it could be worse so be happy where you are currently.  Again, just take one day at a time.

I am currently in the process of selling the house I bought when I was with my ex (and put his name on the property - yes stupid).  It is probably going to take forever.  My ex is still living there currently, but getting ready to move to North Carolina (again see post about disappearing dad).  I may have to force him out soon though.  He was suppose to pay 757.16 by the end of March for back rent from the date of file to March (I had to file stuff with the court to get the house sale going).  He paid 700.  However, he was suppose to pay another $300 April 1st for rent for April (since he is staying in the house, he is suppose to pay 1/2 reasonable rent - I lowered the amount to be agreeable and move things along).  He has not paid the $300.  I will probably have to file something Friday with my attorney to get him out of the house for breaking the agreement.

If he's getting ready to move out of state and he hasn't paid you, do you think it's because he's thinking of possibly going for a short sale - you won't get any money from it, just what it was worth when you first bought it?  Talk to your attorney of your situation - cause I am just guessing.

 

Also, if you read the previous post, you know that my ex completely blew off his parenting time the weekend before this past.  If he does not exercise his parenting time this weekend, it will make the longest time my DD has ever gone without seeing her father.  She is handling things okay considering, but I worry about her.  I think I am more stressed out about it than she is.  I hate not knowing if he is going to get her.  I want him to see DD for her.  She needs her daddy.  And if he sees her, it will show that he has not completely lost it.  He is at least a little bit of the person i once knew.  I am so sad and disappointed in the way he has been acting toward me and toward our daughter.  We always were able to work together for our DD before this now fiance came around (or before I knew she existed a week before christmas).  I know that I shouldn't be surprised or that it all shouldn't matter.  But it hurts.   It hurts that he is disregarding his children for this woman...that he seems to have forgotten everything.  And its stressful not knowing if he is ever going to see DD again.  Yes I want him to see her this weekend because I she misses him so much.  But the other part of me hopes he doesn't so then I know...okay he really is walking away....but even then, I will wonder every other weekend if I will hear from him wanting to see her - at the very least until he moves away.  I try to stay strong about all of this...and not let my anxiety and concern affect my DD, but even if I was perfect at that, she misses him.  A part of me wonders if I should have her see a counselor if he continues to disappear.  Another part thinks I need one more than she does.  It is so stressful for me not to know what is going on.  I could always predict his behavior for the most part - now, I am clueless...I have no idea what is going to happen.  

If he's blowing off his visitation - it's not against you, it's against him, and if he's moving out of state, how will he be having eow with your daughter?.  Again, don't stress it.  Also, I found out that when  marring the guy and then divorce or break up they are not really who they really are - yes it's ashame, but nothing can be repairable beyond the damage.  No need to stress.  Yes, if he starts to completely leave her it's good idea to get into counseling.

 

I am sorry, I know I am rambling.  But I guess it is my turn to have one of those nights...where you are just stressed out, anxious, tired, hurt, and frustrated.  I love my baby and I hate that her father can allow so many things get in the way of his love for our daughter.  And sadly, he will never realize its his fault....his choices...he will never take responsibility for the love he is taking for granted and the love he is hurting.  I know you all don't know know me, but I am more than reasonable with him.  I may not be the easiest custodial parent, but I am pretty easy.  And I know a part of me hurts so much because I do care about her father.  And I hate that there is nothing I can do to get through to him to make him understand what he is really doing....

Don't think he will not think it's his fault, because in time he will know the difference.  and you can see it too.  I thought I too was a good mom, but until my ex and his current wife called me all horrible names throughout my custody case.  During my marriage, I was the one taking care of the children 7/24 while he was away - but it didn't matter, when he left he found a new wife to be his accessory.

Okay.  well, I will stop rambling.  Thank you for listening.  Your welcome.

 

easinpc
by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:10 PM

Hugs!!

steviechick
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 2:27 PM

hugging

Robsessed98
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 5:41 PM
1 mom liked this
All you can do is be the best mom you can be. There's nothing you can do to make him be the kind of dad she deserves, so don't even try. Just focus on giving her the best life you can and accept that that's all you can do. Good luck with the job hunt and house sale.
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LilShamrock
by Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 6:14 PM
Sadly, it's just one of those days and I'm sure many of us are feeling the same thing, including myself. I'm sorry that you have to go through this and I'll only think happy positive thoughts that you will secure a job soon enough.

I'd like to say life sucks at times and believe that through all the madness there are lessons to be learned which only make us stronger, I hope!! :)

Just know that you are doing the best you can and hang in there.

Sham
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LifeCafe42
by Nora on Apr. 10, 2013 at 12:46 AM

hugs mama it's crazy now but you will get through take it day by day.  Good luck!

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