This week is a busy week. My DD's preschool has a Dad's Night event tomorrow evening. Of course her dad is not going (read previous post about disappearing Dad for more on that). But my sister's fiance is going to go with her. She is very excited - which I am glad about. Wednesday is her second softball practice. Thursday evening is Kindergarten round up! We are both excited about that :-) And Friday is softball practice again. Its not that this week is too busy that is stressing me out...its just everything.
I lost my job March 27th and I am still looking. I got on to substitute at one of the schools in the area, but I am not working very much yet. I will be taking my DD out of daycare soon because I cannot afford to send her and not work consistently. I will be out of money at the end of the month unless something changes. Luckily, my DD and I have been living with my mom since I left her ex 1.5 years ago, but obviously I am not happy with the situation. I have been wanting to figure out a way to move out for awhile, but losing my job doesn't really help that happen.
I am currently in the process of selling the house I bought when I was with my ex (and put his name on the property - yes stupid). It is probably going to take forever. My ex is still living there currently, but getting ready to move to North Carolina (again see post about disappearing dad). I may have to force him out soon though. He was suppose to pay 757.16 by the end of March for back rent from the date of file to March (I had to file stuff with the court to get the house sale going). He paid 700. However, he was suppose to pay another $300 April 1st for rent for April (since he is staying in the house, he is suppose to pay 1/2 reasonable rent - I lowered the amount to be agreeable and move things along). He has not paid the $300. I will probably have to file something Friday with my attorney to get him out of the house for breaking the agreement.
Also, if you read the previous post, you know that my ex completely blew off his parenting time the weekend before this past. If he does not exercise his parenting time this weekend, it will make the longest time my DD has ever gone without seeing her father. She is handling things okay considering, but I worry about her. I think I am more stressed out about it than she is. I hate not knowing if he is going to get her. I want him to see DD for her. She needs her daddy. And if he sees her, it will show that he has not completely lost it. He is at least a little bit of the person i once knew. I am so sad and disappointed in the way he has been acting toward me and toward our daughter. We always were able to work together for our DD before this now fiance came around (or before I knew she existed a week before christmas). I know that I shouldn't be surprised or that it all shouldn't matter. But it hurts. It hurts that he is disregarding his children for this woman...that he seems to have forgotten everything. And its stressful not knowing if he is ever going to see DD again. Yes I want him to see her this weekend because I she misses him so much. But the other part of me hopes he doesn't so then I know...okay he really is walking away....but even then, I will wonder every other weekend if I will hear from him wanting to see her - at the very least until he moves away. I try to stay strong about all of this...and not let my anxiety and concern affect my DD, but even if I was perfect at that, she misses him. A part of me wonders if I should have her see a counselor if he continues to disappear. Another part thinks I need one more than she does. It is so stressful for me not to know what is going on. I could always predict his behavior for the most part - now, I am clueless...I have no idea what is going to happen.
I am sorry, I know I am rambling. But I guess it is my turn to have one of those nights...where you are just stressed out, anxious, tired, hurt, and frustrated. I love my baby and I hate that her father can allow so many things get in the way of his love for our daughter. And sadly, he will never realize its his fault....his choices...he will never take responsibility for the love he is taking for granted and the love he is hurting. I know you all don't know know me, but I am more than reasonable with him. I may not be the easiest custodial parent, but I am pretty easy. And I know a part of me hurts so much because I do care about her father. And I hate that there is nothing I can do to get through to him to make him understand what he is really doing....
Okay. well, I will stop rambling. Thank you for listening.