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zero tolerance

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 3:34 PM
  • 27 Replies
My ex says that I'm keeping him from seeing our dd out of spite. Not true at all. Yes I'm bitter of the way he used me, left me, cheated, and overall played mind games. But his disrespect to me is why I told him not to come back on my doorstep. He takes every opportunity to bash me and put me down and continuously says he's going yo find another woman that will sex him properly and he will have more kids. Too much to add. He also refuses to give me money saying he won't support me and my other kids, and he doesn't get to see her so why give me money. He also refuses to give me his address and carried a permitted gun on him at all times which I'm strongly against. So am I wrong for ignoring his texts and calls , or soccumb to the abuse and let him visit?
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by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 3:34 PM
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Replies (1-10):
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 3:41 PM
5 moms liked this

You do not have to let him inside your house.  If there is no court order for visitation you do not have to let him see the kiddo.  But this goes both ways, if there is no court order for child support he doesn't owe you a dime. 

I highly suggest that you take him to court for child support and ask for supervised visitations at a visitation center or another place that you approve of. While they don't go hand in hand, you showing the judge that you are encouraging visitation shows you in a better light. 

m3ks
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 4:14 PM

Thanks, I'm working on the child support order and visitation as well. I'm really going to push for the supersvised visitation, he was a good dad when he was in the home but the shady things he did all along lets me know that he's mentally unstable. I'm not against guns and being able to protect your home but he went out and got a permit to carry a concealed weapon without even telling me. I went to give him a hug at a wedding and that's when I felt it.  And he's even said some crap about he knows my every move when he feels like I don't deserve to be here anymore then well I wont be here anymore.  I know I should have called the cops but I didnt so its too late for that but I do feel uncomfortable with him getting her and having that gun on him at all times.

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 4:22 PM
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From now on I would suggest only communicating with him via text and email.  You can't use anything he verbally says to you in a court unless someone witnesses it, verus a text or email you can produce in court..

Robsessed98
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 4:35 PM
4 moms liked this
I'm sorry, but yes, IMO you are wrong and it does sound a little spiteful. The issue is between you and him, not him and his child. You should never put the child in the middle or use him as a pawn to control your ex. If he is making an effort to see his child, he should see him. It's not about you. Have someone else meet him to drop off and pick up so you won't have to see him. You should absolutely go get court ordered custody, visitation and child support (for his child, not your others). If you don't do it, he could and refusing visitation won't look good for you in court. On the other hand, if you don't make it legal, he won't have to pay support and you can be selfish enough to refuse him access, but ultimately your child will be the one who gets hurt.
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MommyAJ2921
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 4:43 PM

Ok I agree to a point..she said he carries a gun on him at all times. We all know kids and guns don't mix. Not to mention he refuses to give money because he's not allowed to see her? Tit for tat..not very mature.

I agree with what everyone's said...go for the support and supervised visitation and always be sure to respond to his texts and emails. Trust me when I tell you if he's badmouthing you on the phone or in emails it won't look good for HIM in court. If the gun is an issue be sure to raise it with the judge. I'm willing to bet it'll raise the judge's eyebrow as well.

Just had a thought..if he's profane and verbally abusive to mom, what's to say he won't do the same to his daughter?

 

Quoting Robsessed98:

I'm sorry, but yes, IMO you are wrong and it does sound a little spiteful. The issue is between you and him, not him and his child. You should never put the child in the middle or use him as a pawn to control your ex. If he is making an effort to see his child, he should see him. It's not about you. Have someone else meet him to drop off and pick up so you won't have to see him. You should absolutely go get court ordered custody, visitation and child support (for his child, not your others). If you don't do it, he could and refusing visitation won't look good for you in court. On the other hand, if you don't make it legal, he won't have to pay support and you can be selfish enough to refuse him access, but ultimately your child will be the one who gets hurt.

 

 

Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 4:51 PM
1 mom liked this

If there is no court order for child support then he doesnt have to pay you just like his visits. I think you both should file something through the courts. Also some of what you posted has no bearing on his parenting. If he is a legal gun owner, he is allowed to carry a gun and no court is going to force him to give up his gun rights. As long as he keeps the gun locked up and put away thats what a responsible gun owner does. If I were you , file for child support. I cant see how not letting him see the child is going to have anything but a negative effect. Good luck.

brieri
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 4:54 PM

If no court order then get one.  Your better off.  For everything else stated, talk to an attorney.

m3ks
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 6:24 PM

Let me clear something up. I'm not refusing him to see his daughter by any means. I know him very well, he only wants to come around to make snide remarks to me about his choosing to leave me and how leaving me was a decision to "make him be a man"..bs..My other problem is that he has the gun on him at all times, not in a locked box. And last the fact that he won't give me an address, I should be able to have his address if she is going to be at his home at times. I'm not being unfair at all. I've told him that he is welcome to call her anytime before 8pm and also arrange visits, but he will not comply. She is 2yrs old she can't read texts and he can't just pop up whenever he wants. As far as the support issue he says his money should not go towards bills or household utilties so he won't give me any money. He'll ask what she needs but never get it. I don't expect him to do anything for my other kids but their child support money along with my pay from work pays the bills in a home that he was once living in but he won't see a dime of his benefit anyone else that lives in the home. While I am hurt by his actions, there is no spite in my body.  His neglegience and ability to turn things around on me is what's making me look bad.

Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 6:31 PM
2 moms liked this
He can carry a gun if it's a legal permitted gun. My son's dad carries and has from the time my son was born. My son is 7 and knows not to even touch his dad's gun. That's not a reason to keep him from seeing your child.
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m3ks
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 6:35 PM

I respect your opinion but I don't agree with it. I am not keeping him from seeing her at all. But he wants to visit, call, text on his terms. And yes it does hurt the child but when he sees her he makes disrespectful comments to her about me and now she says "my daddy don't like my mommy, or mommy why daddy dont like you"  He showed up announced at an Easter Egg Hunt as if he has a tracking device on me and began trashing me. I ignored him and simply stepped aside to let him do the hunt with her to spend time with her. But its not good for her to hear him trash me.  Another thing that would give him visitation:  I asked him to keep her in the mornings for me to go to work because I can't afford daycare. He said no he has a real job and he needs his rest when he isnt working. So I've tried and given it my best. I'm not spiteful by any means.

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