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I'm having a difficult time keeping a civil relationship with the biological father of my son. Any advice from all you single mothers out there??

Posted by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 2:27 AM
  • 24 Replies
I am a single mother. My son is 6 months old. My ex and I split up about 4 months ago. Our son's father keeps saying how he wants a better relationship between him and I, but I just cannot stand him. I know I have to be civil because I don't want our son to see his two parents arguing every time they are together. So for my first question #1. What kind of relationship should I have between the biological father and myself? Also, since I am raising my son alone, I find myself not being able to get any advice from my family because everyone of my siblings with children have not been in my situation...single parent that is. I see my siblings who have someone they can talk to about the questions/concerns they have, questions like how they want to raise their child(ren) so for my next question #2. What great books are out there for a single mother like myself? Or if you have any advice for me it would be great.
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 2:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
sid1083
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 4:18 AM
4 moms liked this

 Only you can decide the kind of relationship you want with him . . . a lot is based on they dynamics between the two of you. Even though the BD I deal with is long distance and all communication is either through phone (rarely) or email, I find sometimes I have to take breaks from dealing with him. If you're able to realize when a situation is escalating and can say "hey, I have to step back for a bit, but we'll discuss this later." you can head off an argument and set a good example.

I've not really read any books dealing with single parenting, but sticking around this board can help. Sure, not everything posted (or response) will apply to your situation, but there are things to be learned.

And while I myself haven't completely reached this yet, the best advice I got was:
"Love your child(ren) more than you hate their father."

Blue_Spiral
by Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 4:20 AM


It depends on if he is a good father and person.

If he isn't then don't try to have one with him at all. If he doesn't help you then shut him out.


aidensmom0407
by Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 8:14 AM
3 moms liked this
Someone once old me to "separate your emotions from the business". In other words, you have to Elaine when you're reacting to something that he does and understand that your child is tHe business thatbyoubhave with you and your ex and treat it like such a partnership. And Don't act emotionally. So if he says something to make you mad step back , think about it and act accordingly. It sounds as though he wants a good relationship with you so why not give it a shot for te sake of your child. You don't want you LO resenting you later because you couldn't make it work or you kept him away. Like the other po Said which is awesome "love your child more than you hate his father". Which I'm sure you do. Good luck!!
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aidensmom0407
by Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 8:17 AM
*realize not "Elaine"
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Mama110981
by Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 8:18 AM
I joined this site so i have other moms to talk to bc i am in ur situation... As for me and my babys daddy... We are not civil bc hes jealous i chose to keep my child instead of chase him all over the country... We dont speak anymore. I changed my number he doesnt want let alone makes any attempt to have a relationship with me and our kid. Im actually very happy


Quoting GAVINNMOMMY209:I am a single mother. My son is 6 months old. My ex and I split up about 4 months ago. Our son's father keeps saying how he wants a better relationship between him and I, but I just cannot stand him. I know I have to be civil because I don't want our son to see his two parents arguing every time they are together. So for my first question #1. What kind of relationship should I have between the biological father and myself?

Also, since I am raising my son alone, I find myself not being able to get any advice from my family because everyone of my siblings with children have not been in my situation...single parent that is. I see my siblings who have someone they can talk to about the questions/concerns they have, questions like how they want to raise their child(ren) so for my next question #2. What great books are out there for a single mother like myself? Or if you have any advice for me it would be great.
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tyfry7496
by Janet on Apr. 10, 2013 at 8:26 AM
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I've been a single mom for 16 years, I just don't have to deal with the father. He chose to stay away. When he does call, I just deal with him quickly and am done. As for getting advice from others, married parents CAN give parenting advice. Raising children is raising children. Married or single. I get advice from single, married and parent less people. Sometimes just having an outside perspective helps. As a preschool teacher, would I or should I not give married parents advice when they ask because I'm not? Should married parents just not even ask me because I'm a single parent? In the end we are all PARENTS that need advice and support.

Ask your family for advice and support , only way you'll get it from them.
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aidensmom0407
by Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 8:35 AM
*realize not "Elaine"
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mommy_2_be_2010
by Bronze Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 9:11 AM
It took a year and a few mos but i changed my number and moved my mom is now doing pick ups and drop offs for me so my daughters dad doesn't need to come to my apartment. IF we see him it's in public and i'm civil because i have to be not because i want to be. It's better this way because he knows nothing about me except what happend in the past between us and can't come to me and talk about how miserable he is with his wife of 2 years then pretend he's happy go lucky when it comes to getting mad at me.
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MommyAJ2921
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 9:18 AM

I love Sid1083's "Love your child(ren) more than you hate their father" If that's how you feel about your ex work on it. As for me...my ex loves to have what I refer to as "Snooki" moments..yellin, screamin, profane...while I'm calm, cool and collected. I'm civil when we do talk (which is rare thank God) not only because that's how I choose to be (drives him NUTS...) its how I was RAISED to be.

I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of acting a fool along with him..it takes 2 people to argue. My preference for the few times we do communicate is email. I can respond when I respond. Period. He already knows if he calls and starts Snooki' in...the conversation is OVER. PERIOD.

krisnkids
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 9:29 AM
1 mom liked this
My ex was a very controlling person when we were married. After the divorce he would call me up for something, get pissed off about something and start yelling at me. I cannot tell you how good it felt to be in control and hang up on him. He would call back and start screaming again. Again I would hang up. Like a dog he quickly learned that if he yelled he would hear nothing but a click.

Gain control of your life again, if he calls do not answer the phone. Email or text him saying you can't chat right now, what do you need. Keep doing that until he just texts or emails you.
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