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First Vacation

Posted by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:27 AM
  • 13 Replies

Hi All,

I'm new here and in desperate need of some words of encouragement or advice. In a nutshell, I am going through the divorce process and my STBX planned a trip to disney... to make matters worse this vacation will take place during my birthday. as if that hasn't been hurtful enough, he has decided to bring along his new girlfriend. i am so sick thinking about it, can't eat and i can't sleep because i am just so hurt that her first disney experience will be without me and more importantly, the new girlfriend will get to experience what i should have. has anyone else gone through this?

by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:37 AM

So sorry you are going through this.  I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I never had to deal with that.  Hugs!

Mom2aPrincess15
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:49 AM

thank you. i'm really just heartbroken and i'm trying to think positively that she will have a good time but I just feel like he is so wrong that on top of everything now his girlfriend will be going. 


Quoting krisnkids:

So sorry you are going through this.  I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I never had to deal with that.  Hugs!


 

steviechick
by Gold Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 10:56 AM
2 moms liked this

Hi and welcome to our group.  I know how you feel about having your life with your DH ripped out from underneath you.  My ex cheated on me for 3 yrs and produced two kids in the process.  It's been pure hell getting over the damage he caused me and our daughter.  It's like being hit by a truck.  Since your stbx paid for the trip let him just enjoy it with your daughter.  You can't stop it from happening.  I know it hurts knowing that the gf will be in your shoes.  Just remind yourself like I do - things happen for a reason.  My ex has always been a loser in life.  I just put up with it.  I no longer have to anymore.  The tramp has to put up with it.  And, she has no idea what is ahead of her - either to do her kids.  Which is sad because the kids didn't ask to have a DB for a father.  Plan a trip of your own with your daughter.  Look forward to your fun time.  Exes are exes for a reason. 

Jkia1boy
by Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 11:07 AM
Its sad! I just feel like men are selfish and shouldn't marry when they still want to be Dogs! They don't take women feelings into consideration! I'm sorry that you had to encounter something like this.
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Mom2aPrincess15
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 11:21 AM

Thank you. I am definitely trying to see the positive in this which is that she will have a great time. My ex is the biggest loser I know and his new girlfriend one day will see him for who he really is... right now he's just putting on this whole act but I'm sure once this divorce is over and everything is settled he will go back to his normal loser self.

aidensmom0407
by Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 12:06 PM
I am so sorry you're going through this :( hugs!!
Stephd710
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 12:25 PM

Im sorry, that has to suck.  My ex excludes my girls when he goes on vacation.  He took his gf (that he cheated on me with) and their son (that they conceived while we were married) on vacation to see his other kids in a different state.  It was his visitation weekend with my girls but he chose to leave them behind with his mom instead of taking them too.  Pissed me off.  I know it hurts your feelings, but at least he is involving his child.  Im sad for my girls that they were excluded because I know this is just going to keep happening as long as he is with her. Your daughter will miss you tons I am sure!!  

Robsessed98
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 12:29 PM
I never had to deal with a gf bc my ex never had one around dd. But he made 10x what I did, so he took her on 2 big vacations a year. But he did all the planning and they did what he wanted while they were there. She preferred the short trips I took her on though, bc I always let her choose where we went and did what she wanted. Just take her places when you can and make the focus be on her and she will love it.
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krisnkids
by Gold Member on Apr. 10, 2013 at 12:54 PM

Okay, so I have been thinking about your this morning and came to a realization.  I just got back from a week long vacation and it was fabulous for the kids.  We did Seaworld, Aquatica and Discovery Cove, Pirates Dinner Theater, CSI all down in Orlando.  My kids had the time of their lives.  Me?  I loved DC, Pirates was fun, but everything else I spent being a mom.  Making sure everyone had sunblock on, got to where they eneded to go, carried when tired, took to first aid when he had heat exhaustion, drove 30 hours round trip, packed, unpacked, laundry etc.  While my kids had a blast and I was thrilled to see them have so much fun, it was a working vacation for me, just like it will be for your stbx and his arm candy. 

What I did when I first got divorced was make a list of things about my ex that drove me nuts.  It was my "I'm so lucky" list.  Every time I got down I would look at this list and it would bring me back up a notch.  It helped, one time when I was dealing w/ ex's new wife (my former nanny) she tried telling me that I was just being mean to him because I was mad that he left me for her.  I told her "Honey, he's your problem now, the only reason I communicate with him is because we have 4 kids together, but thanks for giving me something to add to my I'm so lucky list"

Now if it were a vacation for me? I'd spend the week at a dude ranch, riding, soaking up some rays, relaxing, having waiters wait on me, etc.  So while little one is on her trip to Disney with dad, plan something extra special for yourself on your birthday, whether its a vacation or a day at the spa, going out with friends or whatever. 

Mom2aPrincess15
by on Apr. 10, 2013 at 1:33 PM

 I'm sorry about your situation! I know how you feel though because before I filed for divorce and asked for child support he was NEVER around! Took his vacations and went to the beach with his friends all the time and wouldn't even set aside one day during the week/ weekend for her. So that also hurt me because I felt like he should want to be a part of her life... he is now but for the wrong reasons. But she needs her father so I just need to see the positives

Quoting Stephd710:

Im sorry, that has to suck.  My ex excludes my girls when he goes on vacation.  He took his gf (that he cheated on me with) and their son (that they conceived while we were married) on vacation to see his other kids in a different state.  It was his visitation weekend with my girls but he chose to leave them behind with his mom instead of taking them too.  Pissed me off.  I know it hurts your feelings, but at least he is involving his child.  Im sad for my girls that they were excluded because I know this is just going to keep happening as long as he is with her. Your daughter will miss you tons I am sure!!  


 

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