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Living with parents

Posted by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 9:26 AM
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Yes. I'm 26 years old a single mother (father was deported to his original country) I go to school full-time and work a part time job.  I do not pay rent, however I do purchase groceries for the house using my bridgecard. I am a messy person. I have a very hard time staying organized and I get easily overwhelmed by my own clutter.   For the past couple months my mother has been making remarks on my parenting. I don't pay attentin to my daughter, I'm have no patience. She sent me an email saying my child is homeless because on the weekends we stay with my boyfriend. 
 I don't want you all to get the wrong impression, I take pride in my parenting! I strive to be the best nurturing mother I can be.  With being someone who suffers from bi-polar, I think I do a damn good job. In fact, my boyfriend is attracted to my motherly qualities, and has told me, "I've never seen someone love their child as much as you love your daughter."

Anyways I don't know what to do in my situation.  I feel like my mother is slowly killing me with her comments.  I haven't made any remarks to her.  And talking to her about it wont happen, I feel at this point it would be like talking to the wall.

Am I in the wrong?

by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 9:26 AM
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KRIZZ25
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we try to make excuses for ower kids bad behavior. when its ower fault for letting it happen in first place.we need to show them how to behave. dont make excuses ..make solutions ..
Yesterday at 9:54 PM
by Platinum Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 9:29 AM
can u move in wth bf full time.
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 9:42 AM
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First I commend you on going to school and working part time.  Keep going at it, you will get your degree and it will pay off.

As for mom, I would ask someone who knows both you and your mother who would have an unbiased opinion.  Sorry, but boyfriend doesn't have an unbiased opinion.  I'm a slob too, I have joined the flylady site and slowly but surely I am coming around to the clean side of things and starting to like it. Try to limit the clutter to your room. 

I am not one who supports spending the weekend at boyfriend's house with young children.  Sorry, but to me kids need to sleep in their own beds and have stability. The occasional sleep over isn't a big deal but every weekend I think is a no-no. 

For mom's opinion of your parenting, go to the library and grab some parenting books. Yes, you are a wonderful mom, we all are. But even the oldest of us mom's can still learn a thing or two, why do you think there are so many parenting support boards? Read a few pages here and there, find something you didn't know about and then "accidentally" leave the book on the coffee table or somewhere mom can see it.  Let her ask you why you are reading it...answer: I thought it would give me some ideas. What ideas have you gotten? have a ready answer. This will get mom slightly off your case.

 

conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 10:02 AM
I was going to say the same .. weekends at boyfriends is not a good way to show you're stable.


Quoting krisnkids:

First I commend you on going to school and working part time.  Keep going at it, you will get your degree and it will pay off.


As for mom, I would ask someone who knows both you and your mother who would have an unbiased opinion.  Sorry, but boyfriend doesn't have an unbiased opinion.  I'm a slob too, I have joined the flylady site and slowly but surely I am coming around to the clean side of things and starting to like it. Try to limit the clutter to your room. 


I am not one who supports spending the weekend at boyfriend's house with young children.  Sorry, but to me kids need to sleep in their own beds and have stability. The occasional sleep over isn't a big deal but every weekend I think is a no-no. 


For mom's opinion of your parenting, go to the library and grab some parenting books. Yes, you are a wonderful mom, we all are. But even the oldest of us mom's can still learn a thing or two, why do you think there are so many parenting support boards? Read a few pages here and there, find something you didn't know about and then "accidentally" leave the book on the coffee table or somewhere mom can see it.  Let her ask you why you are reading it...answer: I thought it would give me some ideas. What ideas have you gotten? have a ready answer. This will get mom slightly off your case.


 


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fuzzy_britchez
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 10:53 AM
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She has her own room there (which I stay in) and her life is much more stable at his house. We work together to raise a heatlhy girl. We've been together for 2 years and he has been part of her life longer than her father. She recently began calling him daddy.  She begins therapy next week. And my boyfriend and I will be attending the STEP parenting classes in June so that we are on the same page.  I'm majoring in psychology, and minoring in early childhood edecutaion.  I have background expierence in applied behavior analysist working with young children.

steviechick
by Gold Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 10:56 AM

Ditto with the weekends with bf.  Perhaps your mother seems to think she's the only 'good' mother since she raised you.  First, stop going over to the bf's house and staying there all weekend.  Just spend a few hours with him and then come home.  You need to prove to yourself that you can show your daughter what is the best way to date someone.  Second, since your mom doesn't think you are a good enough mother to your child get some ideas from self-help books.  Not everyone can be clean and tidy, but we all can learn how to better organize and live a less clutter-free lifestyle.  Self-help books are out there.  Grab them and learn how to improve yourself.  Nothing wrong with that.  Perhaps even your mom might learn how to improve herself from the books you read. 

fuzzy_britchez
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 10:58 AM
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I was thinking when school gets out for her would be the best time to transition to his home entirely, that gives her time with the counselr as well.  Marriage is in the works. Their has been talk of a ring.

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:01 AM

Letting her call him Daddy is a big mistake, with your education and background you should know that. 


Quoting fuzzy_britchez:

She has her own room there (which I stay in) and her life is much more stable at his house. We work together to raise a heatlhy girl. We've been together for 2 years and he has been part of her life longer than her father. She recently began calling him daddy.  She begins therapy next week. And my boyfriend and I will be attending the STEP parenting classes in June so that we are on the same page.  I'm majoring in psychology, and minoring in early childhood edecutaion.  I have background expierence in applied behavior analysist working with young children.


 

Robsessed98
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:03 AM
Living with parents and your own child is difficult at best. Why don't you live with the bf if its more stable than at home? Weekends aren't really the best idea with a little one. You need to talk it out with your mother and tell her how her comments affect you and she may be able to help you do some things better.
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SexyDiva19
by Alexis on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:16 AM

 I am 24 and I still stay at home, I work 2 jobs, one full time and one part time. My son is 8 yrs old. My mom and I butt heads sometimes as far as parenting goes but all in all we get along great. Sorry you are having those problems. Can you live with bf full time?

fuzzy_britchez
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 11:28 AM
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He's taken the roll of being her father. It's more appropriate she call him dad rather than by his first name or mr.  I like the idea of self help books for staying organized! I'm going to check some out at the local library. Why  do you feel we shouldn't stay there, when we are trying to become a blended family? I really do appreciate all of your help and feed back, I'm not at all trying to say that everything I do is 100% the best, but we do discuss my duaghter's sake first before with make any decisions aka staying with him.

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