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ex trying to contact me!???

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i need some real advice. i have no idea what to say or do. im pregnant my ex who is the father of my baby said he called me last weekend and was texting me trying to get a hold of me. he went to my job and asked for me. im already on maternity leave. why the hell would he do that!? i called him saturdy to let him know my babyshower was on sunday and talked to me for a while on the phone wich is weird. because he never talks on the phone. he didnt show up to my babyshower when he knew it was so important to me. he had another excuse. and hes been texting me and opening up about things going on in his life but he doesnt want to ever meet up and talk in person. once he sees that im replying back he will stop for a while. and then if i dont text or call for a little while he will call or text me. just getting annoying. so i talked to my therapist and he was saying to just ignore him even if he calls and make him want to fix things and talk in person. idk how to react to this.
by on Apr. 11, 2013 at 7:00 PM
Replies (21-30):
dancermom9
by on Apr. 16, 2013 at 3:36 PM

im still so confused. some days i just want to cut him off completely and take him to court so that he wont be able to see her. he doesnt deserve to! he doesnt ask how shes doing or answered back about being at the hospital when shes born. i tod his friend if hes not at the hospital then he wont be a part of her life. he said thats messed up but its not up to me its his actions that determ how its going to be. and some days i dont want to cut him off. i hate that i still love him to not let go completely. im going to try and ask if he wants to go to counseling with me. we will see what he says.  he is playing games and seriously messing with my emotions when he does that stuff though. i know part of the reason why he does that is to see if im still around. ughh im such a wreck i cant even make up my mind. ive been praying....

Lalalonely
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 9:43 PM
im going through the same thing the only thing different about my situation is my BD has a GF. Listen to the therapist make him prove his effort to be there for the baby good luck. my fingers are crossed for you n your baby
stillstandin246
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 11:46 AM
1 mom liked this
There's a song on Taylor Swifts latest album where she sings about "I Almost Do" and I think it applies in a lot of situations. I almost want to see you, I almost called you, I almost answered your calls. Its sounds like your ex 'almost does'. My ex asked me one time if I wanted him to come over. I did want to see him but I didn't want to open that door again. I 'almost' did. But I agree, don't play his games. If he wants to be a part he has to follow through, not just text about it.
steviechick
by Gold Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:13 AM

My ex tried to play games with our daughter a few months ago.  I have since blocked his phone from her's.  He's too messed up mentally to deal with.  So, he's been cut-off until he CAN be a father. 

If  your ex wants to be a father - a true father to his own child he will.   Otherwise, cut him off.  Only deal with him financially like I do my ex.

ajohnson08099
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:35 AM
1 mom liked this
:/ not worth it in my opinion... it sucks and hurts to Want and Need aswers but even if he Lives with yu its doubtful you'll ever get them. I don't know what happened to make you guys split. But you have to decide on how "done" you are.

Do you just want answers do you wnt him in your and babys life do you want him back??? Answer that and go on. Not answering is so so hard. I finally had to say some really nasty stuff to my bd (in 27 weeks) to keep him away. I wANT him to be around but its soooo much better for my head and heart that he is gone. He had ripped every part of me to absolute pieces with not a care in tge world.

Maybe limit him to just about baby or that you can meet once a montb to talk and that's it. You need tgis on your terms either way
mommyakabooby
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:37 AM

I agree with everyone else. Do not respond!! Ignore his texts,his calls, his emails, whatever. Use this mantra: NO CONTACT!!!!

dancermom9
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:31 AM
1 mom liked this

its so hard not to respond when you want to be with him still you know? i want to be with him, yes i miss him and for our daughter. she deserves it, not me! she deserves to have two parents in her life!! she didnt do anything wrong. thats what pisses me off. im trying everyone, im trying to ignore him then i fall back into txting him again. im too weak:(

thats exactly how i feel ajohnson08099. how do you do it?! i know you say its better for your head and your heart. i want to cut him off completely too. but how do you find the strength. i would of never thought i would be in this situation. ever. i always told myself it would never happen to me. i would make sure of it and now my worst nightmare is my real life.

ajohnson08099
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 11:08 AM
Oh hon me too. Being single and pregnant or being a single mom with the kind of ex I have... ugg I never ever would have thought. I grew up in a family where divorce didn't happen (we were marrie a whopping 4 montgs) you certainly don't have a baby out of wedlock (check... shouldn't it count hat he Was my husband.. no? Well ok) and god forbid you end up raising a baby by yourself!!

Its a nightmare for me too. Its only been a month of no contact for me.. but I had made the miztake of wanting to talk to him. To have that attention because it broke my heart to think he could just not care. Well that's how this litle boy came along lol.

But now... after so much hurt so much angry wo much longing.. its not about Me. I could want my ex everyday for the rest of my life. And he'd be there. To give me sex (even if he's with someone ele) to give me an emotional connection (that he somehow is incapable of together) to feed me lies (ecause he is the master) and.... to make me feel even more lonely then I do right now. But either way its not about what I want its about my son.

Is it good for y son even now for mommy to be overstressed.. no because that affects his health even more than mine.

Is it good for mom that one fight could mean bruises on every inch of her arms... no because when does holding someone down turn into hits? What if that hit is to the belly?

Is it good for my son to have someone be there "sometimes" once he is born? No.. because first off there is no such thing as a sometimes dad. My deserves someone stable and constant andwhether I push him a way or not.. he's not going to be the father my son so deserves.

Is it fair someday for my son to someday see women how his dad does? No he deserves a happy healthy loving relationship. And that will never happen if he sees dad constantly treating mom or his girlfriend of the day like trash.that sleeping with Every woman he meets is the goal.. and lying and being emotionally unavailable is the goal. Its not fair either for him to see mommy let herself be run over or think himself that enabling people will bring him love.

So .. after my rant. Howdo I do it?? I couldn't if it was for the precious baby boy. Because who cares what happens to me? But like hell am I going to put my son through hell so mom can be "happy"

When your done you're done. You'll know. Like I said I had to be pretty mean to get ex mad enough to not bother. But friends help keep me in line too. If he stops texting you. Well don't answer back. If he whines about his life simply say sorry. Take your anger out on a pillow or something because yelling at him iswasting you breath. Be firm. Do something dramatic change your number if you xan. Once you go for a little while ut getseasier. Even if you have to remind yourself daily what he did wrong.. he hit you he cheated he lied whatever. I hate keeping anger in my heart but sometimes you gotta keep a fire lit under your butt to keep from being complacent.

Anyway that's a novel enough. Hope it helps some!!


Quoting dancermom9:

its so hard not to respond when you want to be with him still you know? i want to be with him, yes i miss him and for our daughter. she deserves it, not me! she deserves to have two parents in her life!! she didnt do anything wrong. thats what pisses me off. im trying everyone, im trying to ignore him then i fall back into txting him again. im too weak:(


thats exactly how i feel ajohnson08099. how do you do it?! i know you say its better for your head and your heart. i want to cut him off completely too. but how do you find the strength. i would of never thought i would be in this situation. ever. i always told myself it would never happen to me. i would make sure of it and now my worst nightmare is my real life.

dancermom9
by on May. 17, 2013 at 4:34 PM
1 mom liked this

ajohnson08099 thank you for all the advice really helps. i had my baby and he only went to go see her twice at the hospital and hasnt came to see her since because im staying at my sisters. he says he doesnt need to be around everyone to spend time with her. and he keeps asking when im going back home. its ridiculous. i filed for child support and didnt tell him. i feel good about it. all yalls advice has really helped me to become a stronger mom. i hope you are doing good!:) ?

Robsessed98
by on May. 17, 2013 at 5:33 PM
This.

Quoting libramoon007:

Don't respond. He is playing games. Just go on with your life . Does he want to be a part of the baby's life? You need real answers. Now before its just years and years of it.  And get it in writing and go for support. Don't play games with the child's life. Trust me. Good luck

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