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Custody question.. Need advice.. NO bashing!

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I am a single, SAHM of two kids. My kids have different fathers. I share 50/50 custody with my son's father and have yet gone to court for my daughter, so she is with me full time. Neither of us have filed for custody (or from what I know). We live in a small town that really doesn't have too much to offer. I am really wanting to get back into school so that I can get a good job and make a better life for my kids and me. I have been thinking about moving. I know it wouldn't be and easy thing to do, but it is something I have been wanting to do for a long time. I guess what I'm wondering is...

I was wondering if there is anyone else on here who shares custody, but doesn't live in the same town as the father? How do you do it? Was it easy? 

And is it wrong for me to want to move away? Everyone always makes me feel bad and always asks, well what about your son? (because I have split custody) My kids are a big reason on why I want to move and get away from this S*** hole town. I want to make a better life for them and so they can have more opportunities with things. 

I guess I am just looking for someone elses opinion or persepective other then my families.. Thanks! :)

by on Apr. 13, 2013 at 5:17 PM
Replies (21-30):
Mylifeasmelissa
by on Apr. 14, 2013 at 3:54 PM
Well just do what you feel is rights for you and your kids and if moving is one of them then go for it.
I wish I could decide on what to do and just do it. Haha. It would be helpful if my kids dads and I got along too though.


Quoting lovemy2kids.:

I haven't talked to my daughters dad in over a month either. 

Quoting Mylifeasmelissa:

Yeah. But its so hard to save up money now a days.

and my daughters dad and I haven't spoke in over a month now.




Quoting lovemy2kids.:

That is what I want to do is move out of state. I don't think it would be a big issue with my son's dad like it would my daughters. He would do anything to make my life hell. Even though we haven't been to court for my daughter. I can't really afford to move right now either, but it is something that I really want to do and trying to save up for. 

Quoting Mylifeasmelissa:

I'm kind of in the same situation as you are.


My sons dad lives 3 1/2 hours away. We don't have visitation set up yet but I'm trying to do so without going to court.


I'm also pregnant. My daughter will be born in august. Different dad then my sons.


I really want to move out of state but can't afford to and I want to stay kind of close to family for my kids sake but I want better for them than what I had. Its super stressful and I know my sons dad would throw a fit if I moved out of state.



Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Apr. 14, 2013 at 4:03 PM
The first time (from CA to UT), I had family support avail out of state. I had already been researching job opportunities and cost of living there. The second time (from UT to AZ) I was transferring with comp I had already been working for 2 yrs and had apt lined up. My bf and I did not live together but we both were working for same company. His job move was mandatory, mine was optional. But he was also a huge part of my kids lives. The judge felt that it was best for me and the kids to move and keep my "family" intact. We were not going to get married just to move but he was still family.


Quoting lovemy2kids.:

How did you get everything set up beforehand? I prb wouldn't be able to sign up for school unless I was living there huh? I figured I would need to have stuff figured out and set up before trying and moving away. 

Quoting conniejo75:

I go to school online and work full time. You won't be able to change custody agreement unless BD agrees or you show a judge you have job and resources set up in new area. I have moved to different states and ex fought me both times, but I won because I had everything set up beforehand



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
meme0926
by on Apr. 14, 2013 at 4:12 PM
1 mom liked this

Well, no matter what everyone says.  It is your decision, you are the mother and you are there for them and do everything for them.  So do what is best and what is in your heart.   Remember YOU ARE THE MOTHER!   It will get better.

lovemy2kids.
by on Apr. 14, 2013 at 7:17 PM

I think I am gonna try and go for it. I would just need to save up and figure things out. It would be helpful for me if I got along with my kids fathers too haha. It definitely is a hard decision.

Quoting Mylifeasmelissa:

Well just do what you feel is rights for you and your kids and if moving is one of them then go for it.
I wish I could decide on what to do and just do it. Haha. It would be helpful if my kids dads and I got along too though.


Quoting lovemy2kids.:

I haven't talked to my daughters dad in over a month either. 

Quoting Mylifeasmelissa:

Yeah. But its so hard to save up money now a days.

and my daughters dad and I haven't spoke in over a month now.




Quoting lovemy2kids.:

That is what I want to do is move out of state. I don't think it would be a big issue with my son's dad like it would my daughters. He would do anything to make my life hell. Even though we haven't been to court for my daughter. I can't really afford to move right now either, but it is something that I really want to do and trying to save up for. 

Quoting Mylifeasmelissa:

I'm kind of in the same situation as you are.


My sons dad lives 3 1/2 hours away. We don't have visitation set up yet but I'm trying to do so without going to court.


I'm also pregnant. My daughter will be born in august. Different dad then my sons.


I really want to move out of state but can't afford to and I want to stay kind of close to family for my kids sake but I want better for them than what I had. Its super stressful and I know my sons dad would throw a fit if I moved out of state.




lovemy2kids.
by on Apr. 14, 2013 at 7:22 PM

That is what I am hoping a judge will see if I ever do decide to move, that it would be a good thing for me and my kids. I've been looking into schools, but can really sign up unless I have a physical address there. Looking for somewhere to live is pretty hard ha. Does your ex get time with your kids? 

Quoting conniejo75:

The first time (from CA to UT), I had family support avail out of state. I had already been researching job opportunities and cost of living there. The second time (from UT to AZ) I was transferring with comp I had already been working for 2 yrs and had apt lined up. My bf and I did not live together but we both were working for same company. His job move was mandatory, mine was optional. But he was also a huge part of my kids lives. The judge felt that it was best for me and the kids to move and keep my "family" intact. We were not going to get married just to move but he was still family.


Quoting lovemy2kids.:

How did you get everything set up beforehand? I prb wouldn't be able to sign up for school unless I was living there huh? I figured I would need to have stuff figured out and set up before trying and moving away. 

Quoting conniejo75:

I go to school online and work full time. You won't be able to change custody agreement unless BD agrees or you show a judge you have job and resources set up in new area. I have moved to different states and ex fought me both times, but I won because I had everything set up beforehand




lovemy2kids.
by on Apr. 14, 2013 at 7:23 PM

Thank you :) 

Quoting meme0926:

Well, no matter what everyone says.  It is your decision, you are the mother and you are there for them and do everything for them.  So do what is best and what is in your heart.   Remember YOU ARE THE MOTHER!   It will get better.


conniejo75
by Bronze Member on Apr. 14, 2013 at 7:28 PM
Now no... and we live 10 mins from each other again. But kids are 16&18. At that time, he would fly to where I lived at holidays or kids would visit him for 2-3 weeks at summer. Once they were both over 5, they had to fly by themselves. We had to split cost of transportation


Quoting lovemy2kids.:

That is what I am hoping a judge will see if I ever do decide to move, that it would be a good thing for me and my kids. I've been looking into schools, but can really sign up unless I have a physical address there. Looking for somewhere to live is pretty hard ha. Does your ex get time with your kids? 

Quoting conniejo75:

The first time (from CA to UT), I had family support avail out of state. I had already been researching job opportunities and cost of living there. The second time (from UT to AZ) I was transferring with comp I had already been working for 2 yrs and had apt lined up. My bf and I did not live together but we both were working for same company. His job move was mandatory, mine was optional. But he was also a huge part of my kids lives. The judge felt that it was best for me and the kids to move and keep my "family" intact. We were not going to get married just to move but he was still family.





Quoting lovemy2kids.:

How did you get everything set up beforehand? I prb wouldn't be able to sign up for school unless I was living there huh? I figured I would need to have stuff figured out and set up before trying and moving away. 

Quoting conniejo75:

I go to school online and work full time. You won't be able to change custody agreement unless BD agrees or you show a judge you have job and resources set up in new area. I have moved to different states and ex fought me both times, but I won because I had everything set up beforehand






Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lovemy2kids.
by on Apr. 14, 2013 at 7:35 PM

Where I am wanting to move, it's like an 8-9 hour drive from where I live now. So I would probably have to do something like that.. or the judge come up with something reasonable. Cause right now with my son, I get him two weeks then his dad gets his two weeks. That definitely wouldn't work if I moved ha.

Quoting conniejo75:

Now no... and we live 10 mins from each other again. But kids are 16&18. At that time, he would fly to where I lived at holidays or kids would visit him for 2-3 weeks at summer. Once they were both over 5, they had to fly by themselves. We had to split cost of transportation


Quoting lovemy2kids.:

That is what I am hoping a judge will see if I ever do decide to move, that it would be a good thing for me and my kids. I've been looking into schools, but can really sign up unless I have a physical address there. Looking for somewhere to live is pretty hard ha. Does your ex get time with your kids? 

Quoting conniejo75:

The first time (from CA to UT), I had family support avail out of state. I had already been researching job opportunities and cost of living there. The second time (from UT to AZ) I was transferring with comp I had already been working for 2 yrs and had apt lined up. My bf and I did not live together but we both were working for same company. His job move was mandatory, mine was optional. But he was also a huge part of my kids lives. The judge felt that it was best for me and the kids to move and keep my "family" intact. We were not going to get married just to move but he was still family.





Quoting lovemy2kids.:

How did you get everything set up beforehand? I prb wouldn't be able to sign up for school unless I was living there huh? I figured I would need to have stuff figured out and set up before trying and moving away. 

Quoting conniejo75:

I go to school online and work full time. You won't be able to change custody agreement unless BD agrees or you show a judge you have job and resources set up in new area. I have moved to different states and ex fought me both times, but I won because I had everything set up beforehand







Mylifeasmelissa
by on Apr. 14, 2013 at 8:54 PM
Yeah. I hope it all works out for you though.
how old are your kids?


Quoting lovemy2kids.:

I think I am gonna try and go for it. I would just need to save up and figure things out. It would be helpful for me if I got along with my kids fathers too haha. It definitely is a hard decision.

Quoting Mylifeasmelissa:

Well just do what you feel is rights for you and your kids and if moving is one of them then go for it.

I wish I could decide on what to do and just do it. Haha. It would be helpful if my kids dads and I got along too though.




Quoting lovemy2kids.:

I haven't talked to my daughters dad in over a month either. 

Quoting Mylifeasmelissa:

Yeah. But its so hard to save up money now a days.


and my daughters dad and I haven't spoke in over a month now.






Quoting lovemy2kids.:

That is what I want to do is move out of state. I don't think it would be a big issue with my son's dad like it would my daughters. He would do anything to make my life hell. Even though we haven't been to court for my daughter. I can't really afford to move right now either, but it is something that I really want to do and trying to save up for. 

Quoting Mylifeasmelissa:

I'm kind of in the same situation as you are.



My sons dad lives 3 1/2 hours away. We don't have visitation set up yet but I'm trying to do so without going to court.



I'm also pregnant. My daughter will be born in august. Different dad then my sons.



I really want to move out of state but can't afford to and I want to stay kind of close to family for my kids sake but I want better for them than what I had. Its super stressful and I know my sons dad would throw a fit if I moved out of state.




Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
libramoon007
by on Apr. 14, 2013 at 9:45 PM
2 moms liked this

The hardest choices are usually the right ones. I do not have a custody agreement but this is more about the education part and moving. I had moved out of state when dd was born for my parents to help and I had a job that was going no where so I quit and started the next day. Best decision of my life and now I have a career and I did was best. For myself and my daughter. I am away moron family but they visit all the time. Yes it's extremely difficult and even more so studying with no one there to help.i had support when I was in school. So if you can go back to school while you still have the help do that. And never look back but look forward. No regrets. It's a scary ride and I wanted to quit all the time but I didn't and here I am. Good luck.

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