Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

Custody question.. Need advice.. NO bashing!

Posted by   + Show Post

I am a single, SAHM of two kids. My kids have different fathers. I share 50/50 custody with my son's father and have yet gone to court for my daughter, so she is with me full time. Neither of us have filed for custody (or from what I know). We live in a small town that really doesn't have too much to offer. I am really wanting to get back into school so that I can get a good job and make a better life for my kids and me. I have been thinking about moving. I know it wouldn't be and easy thing to do, but it is something I have been wanting to do for a long time. I guess what I'm wondering is...

I was wondering if there is anyone else on here who shares custody, but doesn't live in the same town as the father? How do you do it? Was it easy? 

And is it wrong for me to want to move away? Everyone always makes me feel bad and always asks, well what about your son? (because I have split custody) My kids are a big reason on why I want to move and get away from this S*** hole town. I want to make a better life for them and so they can have more opportunities with things. 

I guess I am just looking for someone elses opinion or persepective other then my families.. Thanks! :)

by on Apr. 13, 2013 at 5:17 PM
Replies (31-40):
lovemy2kids.
by on Apr. 14, 2013 at 11:38 PM

Thank you. My son is three and my daughter is 19 months.

Quoting Mylifeasmelissa:

Yeah. I hope it all works out for you though.
how old are your kids?


Quoting lovemy2kids.:

I think I am gonna try and go for it. I would just need to save up and figure things out. It would be helpful for me if I got along with my kids fathers too haha. It definitely is a hard decision.

Quoting Mylifeasmelissa:

Well just do what you feel is rights for you and your kids and if moving is one of them then go for it.

I wish I could decide on what to do and just do it. Haha. It would be helpful if my kids dads and I got along too though.




Quoting lovemy2kids.:

I haven't talked to my daughters dad in over a month either. 

Quoting Mylifeasmelissa:

Yeah. But its so hard to save up money now a days.


and my daughters dad and I haven't spoke in over a month now.






Quoting lovemy2kids.:

That is what I want to do is move out of state. I don't think it would be a big issue with my son's dad like it would my daughters. He would do anything to make my life hell. Even though we haven't been to court for my daughter. I can't really afford to move right now either, but it is something that I really want to do and trying to save up for. 

Quoting Mylifeasmelissa:

I'm kind of in the same situation as you are.



My sons dad lives 3 1/2 hours away. We don't have visitation set up yet but I'm trying to do so without going to court.



I'm also pregnant. My daughter will be born in august. Different dad then my sons.



I really want to move out of state but can't afford to and I want to stay kind of close to family for my kids sake but I want better for them than what I had. Its super stressful and I know my sons dad would throw a fit if I moved out of state.





krisnkids
by Gold Member on Apr. 15, 2013 at 9:02 AM

What will moving away achieve for you?

I am sorry but moving to go to school is not a good idea.  Check out where you are thinking of moving, then go to the college's website and look at what it will cost for out of state students.  You may be living there, but you will not be considered a resident yet. Even after 3 years, you still will not be considered a resident for schooling purposes for the sole fact that you moved there to go to school. 

happy57
by on Apr. 15, 2013 at 10:10 AM

THE FIRST THING YOU NEED TO DO IS TAKE CARE OF THE LEGAL PART.bEEN THERE DONE THAT.YOU WILL BE GIVEN CUSTODY AND THE RIGHT TO MAKE BETTER DECISIONS.THE COURTS CAN ALSO MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU TO MOVE.I DID.I MOVED 450 MILES AWAY FROM MY KIDS FATHER AND NEVER LOOKED BACK.

lovemy2kids.
by on Apr. 15, 2013 at 12:43 PM

How can the courts make it easier? Did you get full custody? I already have custody set up with my son, do you think if I was to move before going to court for my daughter that it would be bad on my part? I haven't filed for custody for her and neither has her father and she is with me full time, never with him.

Quoting happy57:

THE FIRST THING YOU NEED TO DO IS TAKE CARE OF THE LEGAL PART.bEEN THERE DONE THAT.YOU WILL BE GIVEN CUSTODY AND THE RIGHT TO MAKE BETTER DECISIONS.THE COURTS CAN ALSO MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU TO MOVE.I DID.I MOVED 450 MILES AWAY FROM MY KIDS FATHER AND NEVER LOOKED BACK.


lovemy2kids.
by on Apr. 15, 2013 at 12:45 PM

So what you are saying is I should just stay where I live and not go to school, because it isn't a good enough idea to move? 

Quoting krisnkids:

What will moving away achieve for you?

I am sorry but moving to go to school is not a good idea.  Check out where you are thinking of moving, then go to the college's website and look at what it will cost for out of state students.  You may be living there, but you will not be considered a resident yet. Even after 3 years, you still will not be considered a resident for schooling purposes for the sole fact that you moved there to go to school. 


lovemy2kids.
by on Apr. 15, 2013 at 12:49 PM

Where I want to move I wouldn't have any family around. So that is something that would make it hard. I'm just wanting to do something that will end up being good for me and my kids. I feel like where I live right now, I'm stuck in a rut that I am never going to get out of if I don't get away from here. The more I think about it, the more I want to do it. Even knowing that it will be difficult. 
Thanks :) 

Quoting libramoon007:

The hardest choices are usually the right ones. I do not have a custody agreement but this is more about the education part and moving. I had moved out of state when dd was born for my parents to help and I had a job that was going no where so I quit and started the next day. Best decision of my life and now I have a career and I did was best. For myself and my daughter. I am away moron family but they visit all the time. Yes it's extremely difficult and even more so studying with no one there to help.i had support when I was in school. So if you can go back to school while you still have the help do that. And never look back but look forward. No regrets. It's a scary ride and I wanted to quit all the time but I didn't and here I am. Good luck.


easinpc
by Gold Member on Apr. 15, 2013 at 1:03 PM
1 mom liked this

My sons dad and I live in the same town and share 50/50 custody so I can't offer any advice. Good luck!

Mabd05
by on Apr. 15, 2013 at 1:25 PM
1 mom liked this

I say go for it. I moved away from my family to make a better life for me and my son. He is in a better school and I am back in school taking classes on line. You might need to get the court approval to move if it is joint custody, you should check into it.

kkat117
by Member on Apr. 15, 2013 at 7:28 PM
My daughters dad lives in GA and we live in PA. It has worked out well but she only sees him 1-2 weeks out of the year....BUT he didnt talk to me the entire time i was pregnant and was not involved in her life until she was 9 months old so he cant complain that i moved away. We skype once a week so they can interact and it seems to help
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Oliviasmom72
by Bronze Member on Apr. 15, 2013 at 7:37 PM

you are going to have a difficult time moving, esp if the sons father objects. The courts are going to see the relationship he has as more important plus there are schools near you. You can ask him and be prepared to make him a more than fair offer to move. That would mean you paying for transportation for the child for visits several times a year. Dad certainly does not have to agree. You may find yourself in an expensive court battle only to be told no.

Since there is no family in your area you are moving, I cannot possibly see a court honoring it and finding it it in the kids best interest. It sounds like it is more in your best interest. If you want to move bad enough, you may have to live the one child with Dad.

If I were Dad absolutely no way would i consent to an out of state move with a child I frequently see, but to each his own.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)