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How do you find the courage to leave?

Posted by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 12:45 PM
  • 22 Replies
I left my xh with some trouble, but I had my now bf to lean on. I was in the wrong but it was nice to have someone there for me to give me the courage. Otherwise I may still be n a miserable marriage. Well now I'm miserable in my relationship and my son is so unhappy, I'm leaving again. There are soo many reasons to leave, he lies, cheats, gets drunk & can be violent at times, we're always arguing, I don't trust him, he's not paying his bills, etc. I'm trying to find the courage to tell him I'm leaving. We have an apt & the lease isn't up till Aug, so I'm pretty stuck there until then. I was playing the gf role & making my plans to leave in Aug, but that's just getting annoying now. I don't feel like sitting & making out for awhile to make him happy. I'm tired of hearing how much he loves me & misses me, when he's treated me like shit.
So how did you find the courage to leave your xh or BD or a bad relationship while you have kids? I guess I'm kind of afraid I'll be alone forever. All I want is a happy family but I obviously can't have it with him. He has 2 kids that I've never met in 4 years & he never sees them. Now he doesn't see them b/c he doesn't want to hear about his BM new bf. I wish I could kick him out but he won't go, his name is on the lease so I can't make him.
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by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 12:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
easinpc
by Gold Member on Apr. 17, 2013 at 12:54 PM

Hugs!!

steviechick
by Gold Member on Apr. 17, 2013 at 1:49 PM
1 mom liked this

I wish I did have the courage to leave my ex when we were at the most miserable time of our marriage.  Had I known about the tramp he was fooling around with I would have left him for sure.  Instead, he left me.  Good riddance to bad rubbish!

If you both have your names on the lease, talk to the leasing office and see if you can get your name off of the lease.  See if you can move into a one bedroom apt at the same apt complex just to ensure that you have a place to live.  What about cs?  Are you getting that?  Do you work and could you afford to move out?  If you can get your name off the lease try and move in with family for a while or a friend until you can afford your own place.  You shouldn't have to stay with the bf if he's cheating and being a loser.  You and your child deserve better. 

Tsmommy106
by Member on Apr. 17, 2013 at 2:45 PM
The only way I can get my name off the lease is if he'll sign the papers, which he won't. He's in denial and still wants to prove things to me. I already talked to the office & crossing my fingers that the 1Br w/den is a available in Aug. they know I'm planning to move. He's kind of screwed up my apt credit. He's paid rent late every month & I've had to pay all of he rent the last 2 months. So they wont run my credit, just check my pay again & I'll prob need a co-signer. My DS dad does pay CS & it will help to make ends meet. My DS ratted me out so his dad knows we're moving in Aug.

Quoting steviechick:

I wish I did have the courage to leave my ex when we were at the most miserable time of our marriage.  Had I known about the tramp he was fooling around with I would have left him for sure.  Instead, he left me.  Good riddance to bad rubbish!


If you both have your names on the lease, talk to the leasing office and see if you can get your name off of the lease.  See if you can move into a one bedroom apt at the same apt complex just to ensure that you have a place to live.  What about cs?  Are you getting that?  Do you work and could you afford to move out?  If you can get your name off the lease try and move in with family for a while or a friend until you can afford your own place.  You shouldn't have to stay with the bf if he's cheating and being a loser.  You and your child deserve better. 

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amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Apr. 17, 2013 at 2:54 PM
1 mom liked this

If he's being violent and you have a record of that, you should have no trouble getting off of the lease for your own safety.  

If you don't have a record of it, and it happens again, call the police!

Tsmommy106
by Member on Apr. 17, 2013 at 3:01 PM
I don't have a record of anything. He got very drunk at a friends wedding, he went nuts, attacking other people, passed out, screamed at me. He ended up in the hospital. The next day he was freakin out and makes threats, I went home with a cop to get my stuff & stayed at my moms that night. But when I went for my stuff, he "didn't know what happened". He hasn't gotten violent with me in a while, just yells now. But if he does, I'm defiantly calling he cops.

Quoting amonkeymom:

If he's being violent and you have a record of that, you should have no trouble getting off of the lease for your own safety.  

If you don't have a record of it, and it happens again, call the police!

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Maddies_Mommy10
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 3:04 PM

Were we dating the same man....This is exactly the same as my relationship minus the abuse!! Holy smokes

Tsmommy106
by Member on Apr. 17, 2013 at 3:16 PM
Right now I kind of wouldn't be surprised if we were. He also must get completely jealous & have double standards. He can go out with whoever, talk to every girl but don't dare talk to a guy even online with someone from HS.

Quoting Maddies_Mommy10:

Were we dating the same man....This is exactly the same as my relationship minus the abuse!! Holy smokes

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Maddies_Mommy10
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 3:18 PM

Omg that sounds just like him...and if I make him mad or jealous in anyway he gets back at me by going out even more and drinking and all this other crap! Ridiculous


Quoting Tsmommy106:

Right now I kind of wouldn't be surprised if we were. He also must get completely jealous & have double standards. He can go out with whoever, talk to every girl but don't dare talk to a guy even online with someone from HS.

Quoting Maddies_Mommy10:

Were we dating the same man....This is exactly the same as my relationship minus the abuse!! Holy smokes



Tsmommy106
by Member on Apr. 17, 2013 at 3:22 PM
Lol yeah that sounds way too familiar

Quoting Maddies_Mommy10:

Omg that sounds just like him...and if I make him mad or jealous in anyway he gets back at me by going out even more and drinking and all this other crap! Ridiculous



Quoting Tsmommy106:

Right now I kind of wouldn't be surprised if we were. He also must get completely jealous & have double standards. He can go out with whoever, talk to every girl but don't dare talk to a guy even online with someone from HS.



Quoting Maddies_Mommy10:

Were we dating the same man....This is exactly the same as my relationship minus the abuse!! Holy smokes




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newlife2013
by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 3:27 PM
You will get the courage when you really see life without him and how much better it is wo the abuse, etc and never want to go back.

Also consider the best place for you and your son so he could be happy again, these relationship problems really affects kids. Good luck to you.
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