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Posted by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 11:50 AM
  • 6 Replies

I have decided that I need to look into counseling for my DD4.  If you have read previous posts that I have made, you know that her father has not seen her since March 16th, has been ignoring me since March 21st, and is moving to North Carolina on May 10th.  He has made no attempt to contact or see our DD4.  I have thought that she is probably handling things okay because she says when she is missing him, cries sometimes, asks questions, etc.  I felt like she was communicating her feelings and her concerns and we would talk about them the best you can with a 4 year old.

Sometimes though she transfers her feeling about her dad to the dog, Zues that her dad and I had when we were together.  Zeus stayed with her dad because I am not a dog person and he was the one who wanted him.  Well, Zeus got hit by a car in the fall of 2011 after we split.  DD was told about this when/shortly after I found out.  For the most part, this was not an issue.  Well lately she has been talking about him a lot....talking about missing him and wanting to go to heaven to see him and being sad that he is dead/got hit by a car.  Yesterday she gets all sad and starts talking about dying (as in her dying).  I told her that she wasn't going to die for a long time and that is why mommy works so hard to keep her safe.  She got over it in the normal time it takes her to move on from her other feelings.  But it was somewhat alarming.  The whole thing makes me so sad for her because she misses her dad and I know it is hard for her.  

So, I called a place here in town that I know of, but they only do intakes in the mornings/early afternoon.  This would not be an issue except that I am starting a new job on Monday and they have had attendance issues with some of the previous people they have tried to fill the position.  And of course, I have to be there for the first appointment - it can't be my mom or sister who takes her.  So, I am going to try and see if I can schedule the appointment for the same date as the court hearing is scheduled for the house (again, previous posts....I am forcing my ex to sell the house I bought and put his name on as well and allowed to live there from July 2011 to now).  Her father still has not paid me the rent that he is suppose to for April and since he is getting ready to move and being difficult, we need to get into court to make arrangements for selling the house while he is so far away/evict him for not paying me.  I told the person who I am working for that I expected to have to go to court between now and May 10th, so they are aware that I will miss one day or half of a I am crossing my fingers that I can work it out.

I took DD out of her previous daycare last week because you have to give 2 weeks notice and I didnt have a job at that time - and couldn't afford to pay $115 a week anymore with no income.  So, now, I have to start her in a new one because the old one had a waiting list.  She will be going to a family friend of her dad's side of the family on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays.  The friend could not take her on Mondays and Wednesdays because she had too many kids for transportation purposes.  I am hoping once school is out she will be able to keep her all week.  DD's cousins go there, so it will be a good chance for her to spend time with cousins that I don't know when she will see otherwise since my exs family is not exactly speaking to me.  On Mondays and Wednesdays DD will be going to her brother and sister's mom's house.  She only works Thursday-Sundays right now and can provide transportation to and from preschool.  I am still having to figure out who will be able to take DD to preschool on Fridays. I hate that it will sort of be a mess for DD, but I had to think quickly and she is familiar with all of these people.  I will only have to pay $20 a day for the family friend - so $60 a week.  And then I plan to give my frind, her brother and sister's mom, some money to go towards food/gasoline expenses.  I am not sure how much yet.  And once DD starts kindergarten she will go to the YMCA after-school program.  I really hate all the changes in her life right now.  I know there are many things I can't control, but I feel bad about these ones with daycare because I feel like I am causing her more chaos - but I have to work.....and this is a great opportunity to make more than I was making at my old job before I got fired - and learn new skills.  I know things will settle down once school starts...

I could ramble on some more, but it is time to look up and make the rest of my day great :-) (I am trying to take responsibility for my mood and my day)

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 11:50 AM
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Replies (1-6):
by Platinum Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 1:28 PM

Counseling is a great idea for helping her learn how to cope with all of these changes.

by Gold Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 1:32 PM


by Gold Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 1:34 PM

Oh and my son saw a play therapist that specialized in kids while his dad was deployed and it really helped him. It allowed him to express his feelings/concerns to someone outside of the family.  The play therapist part helped because he would play with different toys & draw pictures while talking to it helped him relax and open up.

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 1:35 PM

 My dd had to go to therapy for her own father abandonment issues and it was very helpful for both of us. I learned different ways to help her cope and express her emotions and she learned that it is ok to be sad, hearing it from someone other than me was helpful.

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 2:12 PM
I always think therapy is a good option for anyone. Hopefully you can get her in without causing an issue with the new job. Good luck.
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by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 3:40 PM


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