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In need of advice about baby's father

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 1:29 AM
  • 28 Replies

So this whole pregnancy has been unenjoyable and a complicated one. I am 23 and now 6 months pregnant with my first child. The father and I were engaged about a month before i found out i was pregnant. He was excited at first and then I started to get sick in my first trimester. He left one night to go party and never returned. he told me I had become" boring". After weeks of drinking, fooling around, and partying, he decided he was sorry and wanted to work on things agian. Thing is, I've never trusted him since. He's lied SOOO much and with everything I had become physically and mentally exhausted. We' ve tried on and off ever since and it all ends the same. Each time he promises it wont happen again and yet he still ends up in bars. He's only been to one dr.s appointment and missed the gender reveal because he was hung over. I'm so torn because he does show that he wants to be big part of our little girls life and my llife, and yet he shows he wants his drinking and bars too. I want to believe that each time is the last time but he proves me wrong. I want my little girl to have a chance at having her parents together that's the only reason i try everytime but am I making a mistake by forgiving him and trying to work over and over again?

by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 1:29 AM
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Replies (1-10):
QJsmommy
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 1:33 AM
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I forgave and forgave. And now I'm here, 23 two kids and he's gone. He never changed, he never kept any promises. And finally he walked out and I I had enough ... so he never looked back. Not even for our kids. I have not heard from him since. He also started to become abusive. It was just a mess. If he hasn't changed by now, he probably never will. Sorry, it hurts like hell to go through this. Good luck on whatever you decide
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aroy71338
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 1:39 AM

yea that's what I'm figuring out... I'm just trying to make it thru the rest of this pregnancy with as little added stress as possible. It makes me sad to think that I havent enjoyed one bit of it. Although I know I'm blessed and extremely excited about my little girl, I just cant help but to wish it'd hurry up. Then my stress wouldnt effect her development as much and I can feel like me again because his unfaithfulness while being pregnant has made me so insecure its ridiculous. I hate even thinking like that and try my hardest to stay positive but figure once I can get in shape again once she's here it'll help with that aspect of it if that makes any sense.

Two_Hearts
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 1:40 AM
6 moms liked this

It sounds like you are torn between wanting to be happy ..and wanting to give this baby a mother and father that are together.

But honey , i have to tell you..children can sense when their mother is unhappy, and there is nothing saying that he wont be there for his child even if you two are not together.

Your first priority is your child ..do you want to show them what a happy , healthy relationship is ..or show them a bad one? That is the question you should ask yourself.

Im sure you will find the answer you are looking for..good luck

MzShorty787
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 1:41 AM
2 moms liked this
Honestly if u ask my opinion wash ur hands of him move on w/o him and tell him if he truly truly truly wants to b in y'all lives then he needs to start proving himself. He needs to stop going to bars, partying, etc. He needs to go to AA, y'all should look into couples counseling etc etc etc. U need to force his ass to grow up and if he can't then honestly u would b better off w/o him. I know all this sounds harsh and I don't mean to b toward u. This guy needs to grow the hell up and if I were u I wouldn't b kind about this he doesn't deserve it. I wish u the best of luck and things work out for the best and may God keep a hand on u in ur decisions. Praying for u, God Bless sweetie!
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MzShorty787
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 1:43 AM
1 mom liked this
U should go hv a girls day out relax and mayb go baby shopping or something. Just do something to get ur mind off things and relax and hv fun.


Quoting aroy71338:

yea that's what I'm figuring out... I'm just trying to make it thru the rest of this pregnancy with as little added stress as possible. It makes me sad to think that I havent enjoyed one bit of it. Although I know I'm blessed and extremely excited about my little girl, I just cant help but to wish it'd hurry up. Then my stress wouldnt effect her development as much and I can feel like me again because his unfaithfulness while being pregnant has made me so insecure its ridiculous. I hate even thinking like that and try my hardest to stay positive but figure once I can get in shape again once she's here it'll help with that aspect of it if that makes any sense.


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MzShorty787
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 1:45 AM
Oh and not to mention the things u could catch from him sleeping around.
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aroy71338
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 1:50 AM

thanks ya'll. I really appreciate it. I've suggested AA, his family's suggested AA... You cant help anyone who isnt willing to help themselves. Just sucks that that's my babys father. I pray constantly for God to help guide me to do what's right. And I've told him several times to just go I dont need him here for him to be her father. But he is persistant when he wants to work on things and is persistant about being with me along with being apart of her life...I feel like hes being selffish. He wants me in his life but wants his single life too. If I wasnt pregnant I would have been long gone the first time and would be completely over it by now. I dont know how people do it. Its soo much harder when theres a baby invovled.

QJsmommy
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 3:14 AM
1 mom liked this
It will still take time. Believe me, it seems alot easier than it is. Mine cheated through my second pregnancy. My son is six months tomorrow and I'm still dealing with the insecurity from what he did:/ I hope things get better for you!


Quoting aroy71338:

yea that's what I'm figuring out... I'm just trying to make it thru the rest of this pregnancy with as little added stress as possible. It makes me sad to think that I havent enjoyed one bit of it. Although I know I'm blessed and extremely excited about my little girl, I just cant help but to wish it'd hurry up. Then my stress wouldnt effect her development as much and I can feel like me again because his unfaithfulness while being pregnant has made me so insecure its ridiculous. I hate even thinking like that and try my hardest to stay positive but figure once I can get in shape again once she's here it'll help with that aspect of it if that makes any sense.


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mnivis01
by Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 3:18 AM
1 mom liked this
I was in the same boat you are. Was willing to forget about my happiness, just so my DS would have a mother and father together. And I always forgave and forgave. He never changed. And finally when we were arguing one night and my DS started crying and saying stop. I knew it was unhealthy and that us being apart was better.

Unfortunately after our split, he decided he didn't want to be a father anymore. He's happy with a new girlfriend and her kid. Just the way things go sometimes. :/
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nikabear
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 3:24 AM
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Well first off congratulations on the baby!!!! I am sorry you are going through this but honey it's time to walk away! Why stress and be insecure about a man ( I use that lightly) who has already shown you who and what he is???? For the sake of your heart and child it's time to leave!
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