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What would you do?

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 2:41 PM
  • 13 Replies
A little over three years ago, I had my daughter. Her bio father since then hasn't been a big part of her life. He's been in and out of prison, jail, rehab, etc. And has maybe contributed 300 dollars and seen her half a dozen times in her entire life. She only knows him as her uncle now. Also, for the past two years I've been with an amazing man who has in all senses of the word become her daddy. It's something she started calling him and no one ever led her toward it.
Now, her bio father has recently gotten out of jail (again), randomly married a girl with two other kids, taking on all of that additional responsibility and out of the blue wants to see my little one again. Given his past drug use I'm obviously not comfortable with this but sometimes I feel like the bad guy. I would just like other moms' thoughts on the subject, thanks :)
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by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 2:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
August2013
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 2:45 PM

I feel like I am living in your shoes. I am 25 weeks pregnant, i got pregnant right after he got out of rehab.. I thought that he had changed and that everything was all wonderful...... I WAS VERY WRONG. I am very worried about him coming back on me to see her. I hope to get a lawyer and see what my rights are. I have heard to document everything you can to help prove to the courts how you feel. 

steviechick
by Gold Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 2:49 PM

Since your ex is taking on responsibility I would make sure he continues that responsibility with your daughter (CS).  As far as him having visitation I would question that with an atty.  Check with his rehab officer and make sure he's still attending rehab sessions.  I would do all that I could to ensure the safety of your child is in order before visitation is agreed upon.  You can't actually stop your ex from seeing his child if he's at least attending rehab sessions.  It's going back to the bad habits that would stop him from seeing his child. 

MommyAJ2921
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 2:51 PM
2 moms liked this

Let's see...

In and out jail..NO

Only seen her half a dozen times in 3 years...uhh NO

Past drug usage...N O

Nope...sorry...NO. Notice I didn't even comment on the marriage to a woman who has her own children..so what? He's going to be responsible for the children SHE created but not HIS OWN daughter?? That so does not sit well with me. Explain to me exactly how you're being the bad guy as I really don't see it.

renomama123
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 3:02 PM
Steviechick - he hasn't attended any rehab since the last time he used.

Mommyaj2921 - yes, it sounds silly but I feel like the bad guy because if he really is trying or changing, whatever, I don't see it and I don't want to be wrong about it either.
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amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 3:09 PM

I don't think you're being the bad guy at all.  If you allow visitation at all, it needs to be on your terms and only if it's best for your daughter.

breebree04
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 3:13 PM

 Your mommy! You know whats best for your dd. More than likely you are not wrong! If you have a feeling things havent changed much then you should trust that feeling until he proves you wrong.


Quoting renomama123:

Steviechick - he hasn't attended any rehab since the last time he used.

Mommyaj2921 - yes, it sounds silly but I feel like the bad guy because if he really is trying or changing, whatever, I don't see it and I don't want to be wrong about it either.


 

Mommyto2LilMen
by Tina on Apr. 19, 2013 at 3:19 PM
I would def speak to an attorney to see what you can do to keep him out or if he files for visitation they can help you work towards supervised.
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Amanda804
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 3:23 PM

I felt like the bad guy for years when it came to ds and his father. Well that bit me in the ass because i didn't want to feel like a bad guy i kept letting him come see ds. Well it went bad and fast and now ds says he "hates his daddy" all because of what i allwed to happen infront of him. Its your responsiblity to keep you children safe. If you want him to see her you should meet up in a park or somehting where you can be there and monitor what is going on infront of your child.

brieri
by Platinum Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 7:38 PM

coffeebaking Welcome to the group.

ummm, how did she derive that her bd is her uncle.  That obviousely first needs to be fixed. 

 

321.BAA
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 11:29 PM
Are supervised visits hard to get? I'm not married or with the BF and were not together now. I gotta speak to a lawyer or something but I'm due in two weeks and he's trying to be civil? If he takes me for custody or something is it possible to get supervised... :/
Quoting Mommyto2LilMen:

I would def speak to an attorney to see what you can do to keep him out or if he files for visitation they can help you work towards supervised.

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