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Single and Pregnant...custody questions...

Posted by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:27 PM
  • 9 Replies

I broke up with bd bc he is selfish, demanding, and has a bad temper.  We have dated for 4 years on, and off...I have a restraining order on him....but temporary...which I can't afford to keep , bc the judge keeps having us revist this. Last time, I gave in saying he could contact me about the baby....he has contacted me twice in 3 weeks- and just asked "how is the baby."  Very generic minimal effort crap.  


I am planning on dropping the order in 2 weeks when we meet again.  I can't afford this, and have to save lawyer fees for the custody battle. 


He is going to fight for joint- he's already told me. He smokes pot, has a bad temper...I feel his house is unfit...it's half-asses put together work in progress , no drywall, or insulation.


Im scared he's going to get joint....he can have visits if he wants, but I'm fighting for full physical , sole custody.... 

by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 10:27 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Homeschoolmom10
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:07 PM
What state are you in? Every state is different, but I know in some states if your not married mom automatically gets sole custody. Some states dad needs to prove he is the father if your not married to even be on the birth certificate. As far as restraining orders...if you are in fear of this man not give into the system. You don't NEED a lawyer to keep the restraining order, and in most cases you can get an advocate appointed to you at no cost. If you are being abused then the restraining order can help protect you, and your child.
Homeschoolmom10
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:11 PM

Also when a judge looks at a custody case they see what's in the 'best interest of the child'. That being said you need to prove beyond reasonable doubt that the dads unfit to have custody. Your word isn't enough...you will need proof!!! But again each state is different, so I would lookup your state laws, and begin your collection of proof now. Document everything!!!!

NikkiP144
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:32 PM
What is considered "proof"? I have no proof of his temper besides a broken car door.
And the fact that he drove 100mph w me in the car while preggo bc he was mad at me for making him late.

I'm in NY

I didn't get approved for legal aide, bc I make "too much money". But I really don't!!
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Homeschoolmom10
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:45 PM

Pictures of your broken car door, any receipt to fix it. Any police reports filed. If you say his home is unfit photos would be helpful. If he is smoking pot you can ask he be drug tested. 

As far as not getting legal aide because of making too much that could be a good thing if your in a custody battle, you can show that you financially can support  yourself &  your child. Still advocate are free, and available through non profits like a domestic abuse shelter. It's not something you need to qualify for. 

Homeschoolmom10
by on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:48 PM

http://www.nycourts.gov/courthelp/faqs/childcustody.html

This may help answer some of your questions.

rvb146
by Member on Apr. 20, 2013 at 11:53 PM
Good luck! The previous replies all say what I would have said. Do you have a Facebook? Does he? I haven't gone to court yet for my son (where I live it is assumed split). Right now I'm pretty much sitting back and watching his father dig himself a whole. All the times that he's been arrested, his Facebook posts about going out to party and drink (he's 20) and now he might have gotten a minor pregnant. I know that you are worried now but it will work itself out. If anything, he will screw up and help in your favor. As far as being unfit goes.
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PandorasWorld
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 12:29 PM

I agree with homeschoolmom10. each state is differrent and the restraining order comes into play (somewhat) you don't need a lawyer to keep the restraining order on him. look for pro bono or free legal aid to get your case together. being on and off for years will make the judge want to know why if something like that comes up. all court proceedings are very intimidating so don't give in. if can't give fcts on why you shouldn't have full custody, then the judge won't give it to him. the key is the yes sir/ma'am, please thank you's all of that. that will throw you bd off because you take your time acknowledge the judge for who they are. watch how he reacts to it, and will try to make you look more crazy from there.

Mamavelt
by Bronze Member on Apr. 21, 2013 at 12:42 PM
I agree w other moms- save atty $ for custody. You don't need lawyer for to hearing, especially if you are not going to contest it not being renewed. In CA if the petitioner doesn't show for the hearing it is just dismissed.
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cw619
by on Apr. 21, 2013 at 3:27 PM

Document any and everything you can, text messages, and converstation had regaurding the child (dates, times, ect.), what he buys for the child, if he attends any dr visits, also any and everything put on FB can be used in court against him. I live in IL and just had our court date last week, I have full legal and physical custody of our child. We first had to establish paternity of the child, if you both agree that he is he father the courts will accept that, if he asks though you will go in for a DNA test.

From research I have done it does seem more common for unwed mothers to receive ful custody rather than the parents receiving joint. But from personal experience its all up to the judge, you best bet is to research judges in your country and their viewpoints.

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