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Single Moms Single Moms

Trying to get away

Posted by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 11:03 AM
  • 4 Replies

 So, my kids father and i were together almost 5 years.  a year and a half of that he was in jail.  the rest of the time after that he got bad into drugs-this was after we had 2 kids.  Neither of the kids have his name on the certificate, though they do have his last name-a mistake on my part apparently.  I have been too scared to stand up and go, because he is not stable, and did i mention drugs?  anyway.  I finally have met someone that has helped me realize it's time to stand up for my girls and myself, and stop enabling him, which includes keeping his kids from him.  He has never bought a diaper, a bottle, clothes, food, anything for these children, and now he's stressing about wanting to see these kids.  This is a guy who sits in his one room he rents and smokes with his two highly asthmatic children and not give a damn that he is hurting them.  He has never paid anything for them, and couldn't tell me what size clothes or diapers they wear if I asked him now.  I changed my phone number, and blocked his email, and so he sent the cops to check on me.  I now have the cops helping me, but now he has resorted to calling me at work, which i ignore and have on vm.  he says all he wants is to see his children, but if i let him do that, that is giving him access to me, and he will just take advantage of me all over again, and i refuse to let that happen.  I just got a new house and new car and a raise at work, and i am trying to make a better life for my children.  it's frustrating and scary, but at the same time i know what i'm doing is right-and i have to be strong for once in my life.  they told me i have to have a lawyer for a restraining order, and can file for a warrant based on harrassment, but i need something more immediate-and it scares me a little what he might, could try to do. 

i don't know if i'm looking for advice or sympathy, or just need someone to vent to-but i just wanted to post this.  thanks for listening.

A child's smile can brighten even the darkest of days.

by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 11:03 AM
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Replies (1-4):
breebree04
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 1:09 PM

(((hugs))) good for you for getting out and staying strong. you need to get a lawyer and go through the courts for child support and visitation (if any). When you go to court mention to the judge that you fear for you kids safety due to drug use on his part and request that he gets drug tested before setting any visitation.

hbbb.1980
by on Apr. 23, 2013 at 2:02 PM
1 mom liked this

hello! I was in a very similar situation and really feel for you. I have just come out the other side, it took almost 2 years to get through it but it can be done! He is manipulating you and trying to scare you so much that you give him what he wants. He wants you to give in, get so frustrated with his constant badgering that you give in. Don't do it! If he ever threatens you call the police and get a protection from abuse order. This will at least help if you do have to go to court. I dont know what state you live in, but in PA, the state I live in, the father has to take you to court for custody. If he doesn't do that, and the children live with you, than you have physical custody by default and the only way the father can see the children is if there is a court order. I spoke to many lawyers and was given the advise to NOT take him to court for custody. most states want both parents to share custody, so if you initiate it, you could end up shooting yourself in the foot so to speak. You should contact Domestic Relations for child support, that is seperate from custody and one has no bearing on the other.

Keep doing what is best for your children! Sometimes its better for children to have one great, fantastic parent, then one that is a total loser and causes the other one agony and stress.

If he truly is consumed by the drugs and what not, he will get bored with fighting with you if you ignore him long enough. That may be whats best for everyone.

Hang in there. It's hard, really, really hard. Don't give in and remember that sometimes the right thing and the hard thing are the same!

Good luck!

steviechick
by Gold Member on Apr. 23, 2013 at 3:32 PM

I'm still battling my ex over money.  He even called his new wife's ex a 'piece of shit sperm donor' in his FB page.  Ironically enough that's exactly what he is to our daughter and me!

Don't give up what you think is the right thing to do.  Like me, power forward.  If you don't you will regret it later on in life.  Always do the right thing even though it's the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. 

BIG hugs, mama!

amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:08 PM

This, and make sure your employer knows the situation too.

Quoting hbbb.1980:

hello! I was in a very similar situation and really feel for you. I have just come out the other side, it took almost 2 years to get through it but it can be done! He is manipulating you and trying to scare you so much that you give him what he wants. He wants you to give in, get so frustrated with his constant badgering that you give in. Don't do it! If he ever threatens you call the police and get a protection from abuse order. This will at least help if you do have to go to court. I dont know what state you live in, but in PA, the state I live in, the father has to take you to court for custody. If he doesn't do that, and the children live with you, than you have physical custody by default and the only way the father can see the children is if there is a court order. I spoke to many lawyers and was given the advise to NOT take him to court for custody. most states want both parents to share custody, so if you initiate it, you could end up shooting yourself in the foot so to speak. You should contact Domestic Relations for child support, that is seperate from custody and one has no bearing on the other.

Keep doing what is best for your children! Sometimes its better for children to have one great, fantastic parent, then one that is a total loser and causes the other one agony and stress.

If he truly is consumed by the drugs and what not, he will get bored with fighting with you if you ignore him long enough. That may be whats best for everyone.

Hang in there. It's hard, really, really hard. Don't give in and remember that sometimes the right thing and the hard thing are the same!

Good luck!


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