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other siblings??

Posted by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:03 AM
  • 41 Replies
This is kind of a premature question bc I'm only 26 weeks with my first... but how do/would you handle if your child had other half siblings?

Ex has a son on tge way with his ex (who he's currently with) and claims her other two kids. To me... I want notging to do with the whol lot of them. To me my son is it.. because I really dont expect bd to be around. I can see having to tell my son he does have at leazt one bio sibling... but I think id rather stick my feet in lava before saying those other two kids are anything to me. Just because HE says they are "his" doesn't mean I have to pretend to does it?

To me my son is an only child... idk if he will have siblings because I never planned on doing the "mor than one baby daddy" thing anyway (daling with this asshole is enough) am I wrong??
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:03 AM
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Stephd710
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 11:14 AM
2 moms liked this

My ex husband cheated on me and produced a child who is 11 months younger than my girls.  Nice huh??  Anyway, he is with the mother currently.  I know my girls are with their half brother when they go to their dad's for visitation.  He is all about that boy though and kind of pushes my girls aside.  He took the boy and his gf on vacation (on his weekend with the girls) and left the girls with his mom.  He will come pick up the girls and be like "Lets go see Bubby!!"  My girls are only 2 so they cant really tell me how they feel about it.  But I wish my ex would make some time for JUST the girls.  They need one on one time with him.  If something were to happen to my ex, i would not pursue a relationship with the other child.  I dont feel like its my responsibility.  Im sure they would see him at my ex's family functions but im not going to call up this ho that helped destroy my marriage and be like "hey, lets get the kids together!"  No.  Call me petty, but its not happening. 

steviechick
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 11:19 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm in the same boat you are in - minus being pregnant.  My ex cheated on me and fathered two kids out of wedlock.  He did this behind my back and didn't even tell me until six days before he deployed to Kuwait.  Married for 23 yrs when he decided to cheat on me.  The last three yrs of my marriage was pure hell.  Complete and utter misery.  Not only only financially but mentally for me.  We were married a total of 26 yrs before he decided to even tell me he was cheating.  Once we separated my stbx wanted our daughter to meet his son (10 months at the time) and be a 'friend' to his gf.  He also asked our daughter sneak out of the house and be at the hospital when his tramp was giving birth to their second child.  Can you imagine that?  Our 17 yr old daughter was being used a sick pawn to make my stbx 'happy'.  When she decided to stop talking to him he started to lash out at her.  He even used fowl mouth words via text.  So many people have told me to allow my daughter to know her half-siblings.  I said no freaking way.  Never.  I know it's up to her to decide that now as she will be 19 in June.  Her father has been blocked from texting her and he's not even bothered to come by her place of work to even talk to her or try to be a father to her.  He owes us all kinds of cs/loan payments.  We both had to take him to court and there is a currently a contempt of court charge in place.  I'm having my atty file for garnishments as it's gotten that out of hand.  My ex who is a bonafide deadbeat is actually appealing the case.  He's a piece of garbage.  He's proven to our daughter that he's a louse and unfit to be a father - not even to the two he now has with his tramp. 

You don't have to force your child to be around half-siblings just because your ex created them.  My daughter has made up her own mind what path she chooses to take regarding her half-siblings.  They were created out of two selfish people who ended up destroying a family and a marriage.  A father who ended up humiliating me, trashed me and dragged me through the gutter all for his own personal gain.  His selfish behavior destroyed a marriage and a family. 

IF my ex had bothered to be a decent father and husband to begin with he wouldn't be putting our daughter (and me) through all this torment. When an ex decides to leave his wife on good terms (and this goes with the wife) then it's okay to have half-siblings in their child's life.   My ex doesn't deserve to have his daughter in his life and he certainly doesn't deserve to force his kids born out of wedlock on our daughter. 

You are not wrong in wanting what is best for your child.  A father deserves to be around his kids and share his life with them when they actually ACT like fathers. 

steviechick
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 11:29 AM
1 mom liked this

Hugs, mama!

My daugher has a half-brother and half-sister all thanks to her disgusting father.  She even said that her half-brother is now more imporant than she is to her father.  The way my ex has treated our daughter is almost unforgivable.  How would you react to your own father introducing a little 10 month old baby as your 'brother' in the drive-way of your own home?   That's how my ex introduced his son to our daughter AND explained the affair.  I still worry about my daughter and how she will relate to men as she grows up.  Her father literally has mentally abused her in so many ways it breaks my heart.  And, to think I once loved this man and trusted him AND chose him to be the father of my child.......

I know it has to be hard knowing that you were cheated on and that your ex has created a son in the process.  Nothing hurts more than being betrayed.  I hope your ex does step up and is a father that shows equal love between his kids.  My daughter feels left out on having a father.  I wish I could change that. 


Quoting Stephd710:

My ex husband cheated on me and produced a child who is 11 months younger than my girls.  Nice huh??  Anyway, he is with the mother currently.  I know my girls are with their half brother when they go to their dad's for visitation.  He is all about that boy though and kind of pushes my girls aside.  He took the boy and his gf on vacation (on his weekend with the girls) and left the girls with his mom.  He will come pick up the girls and be like "Lets go see Bubby!!"  My girls are only 2 so they cant really tell me how they feel about it.  But I wish my ex would make some time for JUST the girls.  They need one on one time with him.  If something were to happen to my ex, i would not pursue a relationship with the other child.  I dont feel like its my responsibility.  Im sure they would see him at my ex's family functions but im not going to call up this ho that helped destroy my marriage and be like "hey, lets get the kids together!"  No.  Call me petty, but its not happening. 


 

Stephd710
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 11:31 AM
2 moms liked this

Well said :)  


Quoting steviechick:

I'm in the same boat you are in - minus being pregnant.  My ex cheated on me and fathered two kids out of wedlock.  He did this behind my back and didn't even tell me until six days before he deployed to Kuwait.  Married for 23 yrs when he decided to cheat on me.  The last three yrs of my marriage was pure hell.  Complete and utter misery.  Not only only financially but mentally for me.  We were married a total of 26 yrs before he decided to even tell me he was cheating.  Once we separated my stbx wanted our daughter to meet his son (10 months at the time) and be a 'friend' to his gf.  He also asked our daughter sneak out of the house and be at the hospital when his tramp was giving birth to their second child.  Can you imagine that?  Our 17 yr old daughter was being used a sick pawn to make my stbx 'happy'.  When she decided to stop talking to him he started to lash out at her.  He even used fowl mouth words via text.  So many people have told me to allow my daughter to know her half-siblings.  I said no freaking way.  Never.  I know it's up to her to decide that now as she will be 19 in June.  Her father has been blocked from texting her and he's not even bothered to come by her place of work to even talk to her or try to be a father to her.  He owes us all kinds of cs/loan payments.  We both had to take him to court and there is a currently a contempt of court charge in place.  I'm having my atty file for garnishments as it's gotten that out of hand.  My ex who is a bonafide deadbeat is actually appealing the case.  He's a piece of garbage.  He's proven to our daughter that he's a louse and unfit to be a father - not even to the two he now has with his tramp. 

You don't have to force your child to be around half-siblings just because your ex created them.  My daughter has made up her own mind what path she chooses to take regarding her half-siblings.  They were created out of two selfish people who ended up destroying a family and a marriage.  A father who ended up humiliating me, trashed me and dragged me through the gutter all for his own personal gain.  His selfish behavior destroyed a marriage and a family. 

IF my ex had bothered to be a decent father and husband to begin with he wouldn't be putting our daughter (and me) through all this torment. When an ex decides to leave his wife on good terms (and this goes with the wife) then it's okay to have half-siblings in their child's life.   My ex doesn't deserve to have his daughter in his life and he certainly doesn't deserve to force his kids born out of wedlock on our daughter. 

You are not wrong in wanting what is best for your child.  A father deserves to be around his kids and share his life with them when they actually ACT like fathers. 



ajohnson08099
by Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 11:31 AM
2 moms liked this
Thank you. Yea ex was cheating this entire pregnancy and has been there less than a montg and now this other kid is his son... What??? O.o he thinks he will be able to come g my child and bring him wherver he wants. Oh heck no. Not when that ... girl has been nothing but nasty not when he was nothing but hurtful and their living environment has already been deemed by court as unfit. I just don't see why I should force my son to be around that kind of crap bc ex stuck his dick in someone else.

I'm not trying to beresentful... but its not like her kids are going to be taught to respect mine or be anything but hateul. Just makes me sick.
Stephd710
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 11:37 AM
1 mom liked this

Yeah, im pretty sure the chick got pregnant on purpose because they had split up soon after I found out about them and he and I were becoming civil again (idk if that was going to lead to a reconciliation or not...) then all of a sudden she claims she's pregnant.  And its his, he's been tested since he was born.  That was it.  I couldnt deal with the affair AND a child on top of it.  Nope.  So ex went back to her.  I dread the day my girls ask why Mommy and Daddy arent married anymore.  Im not going to sugarcoat it.  When they are old enough, they will look at their brothers age vs theirs and figure it out on their own anyway.  Im not going to lie for him.  My ex also has 4 older kids from his first marriage, they are all in their teens 18-13.  He has all but abandoned them.  They were VERY angry at him for what he did to me.  They didnt speak for almost a year.  They are talking now but they live 12 hours away.  He doesnt make much of an effort. He visited them once in about 3 years.  His daughter and I are close, she's 16 and she says he never calls for bdays or sends cards, never gets them christmas gifts.  His first wife told me I'm the only one who sends her kids anything.  I still talk to them all and send cards and gifts and stuff.  


Quoting steviechick:

Hugs, mama!

My daugher has a half-brother and half-sister all thanks to her disgusting father.  She even said that her half-brother is now more imporant than she is to her father.  The way my ex has treated our daughter is almost unforgivable.  How would you react to your own father introducing a little 10 month old baby as your 'brother' in the drive-way of your own home?   That's how my ex introduced his son to our daughter AND explained the affair.  I still worry about my daughter and how she will relate to men as she grows up.  Her father literally has mentally abused her in so many ways it breaks my heart.  And, to think I once loved this man and trusted him AND chose him to be the father of my child.......

I know it has to be hard knowing that you were cheated on and that your ex has created a son in the process.  Nothing hurts more than being betrayed.  I hope your ex does step up and is a father that shows equal love between his kids.  My daughter feels left out on having a father.  I wish I could change that. 


Quoting Stephd710:

My ex husband cheated on me and produced a child who is 11 months younger than my girls.  Nice huh??  Anyway, he is with the mother currently.  I know my girls are with their half brother when they go to their dad's for visitation.  He is all about that boy though and kind of pushes my girls aside.  He took the boy and his gf on vacation (on his weekend with the girls) and left the girls with his mom.  He will come pick up the girls and be like "Lets go see Bubby!!"  My girls are only 2 so they cant really tell me how they feel about it.  But I wish my ex would make some time for JUST the girls.  They need one on one time with him.  If something were to happen to my ex, i would not pursue a relationship with the other child.  I dont feel like its my responsibility.  Im sure they would see him at my ex's family functions but im not going to call up this ho that helped destroy my marriage and be like "hey, lets get the kids together!"  No.  Call me petty, but its not happening. 





Monsita
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 12:01 PM
1 mom liked this

hugsI can imagine the pain of dealing with other siblings WHEN THOSE WERE CREATED UNDER CHEATING SITUATIONS.......therefore, I do understand your pain and frustration!!praying

Affinity05
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 12:19 PM
1 mom liked this

Its ok to feel the way you do, but in my experience it just depends on the situation. If he is the only father those other kids know than they are his. You have the right to say whatever you want to your child and raise him however. My BD was at one point married and had two sons from that marriage. Although he never helped me and I don't always speak to him, me and the ex wife speak frequently. Our children love each other and her and myself are alot alike. Sometimes women tend to hold grudges towards another woman for no reason, but the blame is in the significant other. Kids don't ask to be here and how we are teaches them as to what kind of people they can become. There is no harm in allowing your child to bond with siblings biological or not if it can be done without drama.

The book that will give you a better understanding of what I mean is called "Children Learn what they Live: Parenting to Inspire Values" by Dorothy Law Nolte...check it out you would love it.

flawskii
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 12:28 PM
1 mom liked this

My daughter is my only child but her dad has 5 other children. Technically speaking she's not the only child just my only child. I would love for one day my daughter could meet her brothers and sister. I'm not too confidante that will happen though.

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ajohnson08099
by Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 12:38 PM
1 mom liked this
With the oldest ex is sortof the only dad she will know. The boys father was areested but not that long ago up unt then his father had sole custody. So it feeks like with that kid they are playing house. I guess it sucks bc ex was all about he didn't want to be with his ex and la d da only delt with her bc of kids and wanted to be friendly for that reason. Guess that wasn't true since he was sleeping with her, has claimed her kids, and now dosnt care to speak to me at all. Guess I was really blind. I want to raise my son in a happy and healthy home. Away from the drama ex constantly livez in.

Quoting Affinity05:

Its ok to feel the way you do, but in my experience it just depends on the situation. If he is the only father those other kids know than they are his. You have the right to say whatever you want to your child and raise him however. My BD was at one point married and had two sons from that marriage. Although he never helped me and I don't always speak to him, me and the ex wife speak frequently. Our children love each other and her and myself are alot alike. Sometimes women tend to hold grudges towards another woman for no reason, but the blame is in the significant other. Kids don't ask to be here and how we are teaches them as to what kind of people they can become. There is no harm in allowing your child to bond with siblings biological or not if it can be done without drama.


The book that will give you a better understanding of what I mean is called "Children Learn what they Live: Parenting to Inspire Values" by Dorothy Law Nolte...check it out you would love it.

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