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This is kind of a premature question bc I'm only 26 weeks with my first... but how do/would you handle if your child had other half siblings?

Ex has a son on tge way with his ex (who he's currently with) and claims her other two kids. To me... I want notging to do with the whol lot of them. To me my son is it.. because I really dont expect bd to be around. I can see having to tell my son he does have at leazt one bio sibling... but I think id rather stick my feet in lava before saying those other two kids are anything to me. Just because HE says they are "his" doesn't mean I have to pretend to does it?

To me my son is an only child... idk if he will have siblings because I never planned on doing the "mor than one baby daddy" thing anyway (daling with this asshole is enough) am I wrong??
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 10:03 AM
Replies (21-30):
Stephd710
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 2:50 PM
1 mom liked this

I dont blame you at all.  I would never let that money issue die!!  Even if it takes 20 years, your daughter will get it eventually.  

I dont think they are happy at all.  I dont know how they could be.  They are worse off financially than I am and I am pretty damn near down to my last dollar every payday.  All the hiding and lying and sneaking around will take its toll on the relationship eventually.  You just cant live your life like that and expect to be happy.  He is going to die an early death from a stroke or heart attack from all the stress.  Good thing I bought life insurance on him!  And it all goes to ME, not all his kids, not my girls, ME.  I was advised to do it that way rather than making the girls beneficiaries because it would get tied up in probate if they were minors. I just look at it like, if he were to die, I would be out CS, so thats what the life insurance is for.   


Quoting steviechick:

When we have problems with our spouses in this way try and help the situation, give it all you can so you can tell your children I did all I could. Sometimes we are the problem and sometimes not. If you've done all you can to help the situation and then want out, then get out before you start something with some one else. However, on the other hand if you cheat because you can't deal with your emotional problems then you deserve what you get when you cheat.  It always comes back to you in a much worse way. How you got them is how you will loose them as well. When we think the grass is greener on the other side, we are wrong.....that relationship can have more weeds in it then you have ever seen before. And sometimes they are deadly weeds. And for the women that will cheat with a married man, there is a place for you as well if you don't get your life right with God.  It's all about loving yourself enough to not sell yourself short. Have any of us thought about that when we have sex with someone and are not married to them, we have lost a piece of our soul to that person every time?  

Lies and cheating go hand-in-hand.  Your ex sounds just like mine - can't take on responsibility nor will they ever accept they HAVE to be men first and utmost.  Your ex's new gf and he are like two peas in a pod.  Both wanted something out of their pathetic lives and are now having to deal with what life has dealt them.  I can't imagine how 'happy' either couple are.  You create so many children in your life and then eventually realize that you have to be responsible for every action you make. 

I won't stop battling my ex for the money he owes me.  He's never, ever been held responisible for anything he's done in his life.  Never when it comes to money.  Now it's hitting him square in the forehead.  I'm not just a creditor - I'm an ex-wife who wants restitution and a daughter that deserves her father to BE a father for once in his miserable life.


Quoting Stephd710:

OMg, thats nuts!  I find it funny how these types of people hide everything.  That must suck to have to hide your relationship and even your own child from the world.  

This new chick...she was married too when she started up with my ex.  She was 23, my ex was 34, she started working at the same place and in LESS than a month, they were screwing eachother.  She has one child with her now ex husband.  She was raised in a very strict religious family, they practice some religion ive never heard of and kind of live in a small community with other families that practice the same thing.  All the kids hang out together, get homeschooled and eventually marry other kids from other families in this community.  Thats what she did, at like 17.  So she meets my ex and has this affair right??....she tells her husband and both their families.  Her family completely shuns her.  Like wont answer calls, the door, nothing.  So she tells them she broke up with him.   They let her back in.  Then she comes up pregnant....she gets shunned again.  She says it was one time and they are still broken up.  They tried to get her to go back to her husband, he didnt want her back.  So they decide to get divorced which is a HUGE no-no in that community.  Nobody NOBODY gets divorced.  But they help her with moving into her own place and blah blah blah, because she convinced them she's not with my ex.  This all happened over 2 years ago, everyone is divocred, the kid is born....yet they are STILL hiding their relationship.  STILL.  He stays every night at her apartment but keeps none of his things there.  They are all in his car or at his moms house.  So he has to drive out there to change clothes and shit.  LOL!  When he's at her place, he parks blocks away and walks.  Ive seen him walking and ive seen his car parked in random places.  Its quite hilarious.  When he has my girls, he stays at his moms house because he has to give me the address of where he stays with them and he cant give me the girls apartment address because that would mean they are together and GASP...i might tell someone!!  LOL!  So technically his address is at his moms, but he lives with the gf.  So my theory is her parents are helping her financially so she cant let her relationship with my ex get out or I'm sure that will stop.  She doesnt have a job.  She goes to "school" a couple days a week and lives off the child support her ex gives her (which is an insane amount for one kid).  My ex helps her out with money too, even tho he's broker than broke.  Her electric and internet are in his name.  I know because I got their bills on accident because my home's electric is still in his name too.  My friend works for the internet company and she told me when he got it set up for her.  My ex brings home less than $500 a month.  He told me so.  He pays his first ex CS and pays me CS.  He cant afford to break up with this chick even if he wanted because then she would go for support too and then he would REALLY have to live with his mommy.  




easinpc
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:08 PM

My son has a half sister at his dads house. 

shamroc374
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:20 PM
My oldest son has a half sister that is 6 years older than him from his dad, and he has a half brother that is 9 years younger than him from me.

I have always encouraged him to have a relationship with his older sister. His dad and I were together from the the time his sister was 2 until she was 10. After we seperate I encouraged them to see each other and spend time together. Once she became a teenager she was busy with her friends and didn't have as much time for her little brother which is normal in any sibling relationship. No teenager wants to hang out with their little brother. Once she turned 19 or 20 she started trying to have relationship with him. They have an ok relationship now and he is an uncle. I don't think he has met the baby yet but he is a teenage boy and babies are not that exciting to them.

He is closer to his little brother. They live in the same home and have grown up together so it is normal they would be closer. He does consider his brother to be a full sibling and not a half sibling. They were raised by the same mom and dad even though they have different biological dads. He loves his brother more than anything and would freak out if his relationship with his brother was like the relationship he has with his sister. He is a teenager and prefers to spend time with his friends but does make time for his brother, "bro time" as he calls it.

The 2 relationships are different because he lived with one the whole time, and it may be different because brothers tend to be closer, and sisters tend to be closer, idk.

I would want my children to have a relationship with any sibling they have. My husband and I could end up divorcing some day. I know he would get remarried and I know he wants more children and I do not. I am sure he would have more. I would encourage my children to have a relationship with those children no matter how they came about. Children do not ask to be born into a situation. As adults it is our job to teach them how to build and foster relationships. The more people there are that love and care about our children the better. You never know, those half siblings may help them grow up to achieve great things, save their life someday, teach them wonderful life lessons. Siblings are each others first best friends and they can give each other so much. Be the grown up and push your bitterness to the children aside, it is not their fault or decisions this has happened. You should encourage your child to get to know their siblings.
ajohnson08099
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:33 PM
Yea how am I supposed to fosther healthy relationships when the only way that would happen is if my child were alone without his mother with these people? Its not like I can set up some famy picnic. It would be witb a woman that hates me and with children I wouldn't know. At this point I am not prepared for that. Its not about being bitter thank you its about putting my chd in a situation where its with people that likely will be taught to hate him

Quoting shamroc374:

My oldest son has a half sister that is 6 years older than him from his dad, and he has a half brother that is 9 years younger than him from me.



I have always encouraged him to have a relationship with his older sister. His dad and I were together from the the time his sister was 2 until she was 10. After we seperate I encouraged them to see each other and spend time together. Once she became a teenager she was busy with her friends and didn't have as much time for her little brother which is normal in any sibling relationship. No teenager wants to hang out with their little brother. Once she turned 19 or 20 she started trying to have relationship with him. They have an ok relationship now and he is an uncle. I don't think he has met the baby yet but he is a teenage boy and babies are not that exciting to them.



He is closer to his little brother. They live in the same home and have grown up together so it is normal they would be closer. He does consider his brother to be a full sibling and not a half sibling. They were raised by the same mom and dad even though they have different biological dads. He loves his brother more than anything and would freak out if his relationship with his brother was like the relationship he has with his sister. He is a teenager and prefers to spend time with his friends but does make time for his brother, "bro time" as he calls it.



The 2 relationships are different because he lived with one the whole time, and it may be different because brothers tend to be closer, and sisters tend to be closer, idk.



I would want my children to have a relationship with any sibling they have. My husband and I could end up divorcing some day. I know he would get remarried and I know he wants more children and I do not. I am sure he would have more. I would encourage my children to have a relationship with those children no matter how they came about. Children do not ask to be born into a situation. As adults it is our job to teach them how to build and foster relationships. The more people there are that love and care about our children the better. You never know, those half siblings may help them grow up to achieve great things, save their life someday, teach them wonderful life lessons. Siblings are each others first best friends and they can give each other so much. Be the grown up and push your bitterness to the children aside, it is not their fault or decisions this has happened. You should encourage your child to get to know their siblings.
shamroc374
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 3:43 PM
You don't know for sure they will be taught to hate your child. You don't have to put your child in that type of situation but you should keep an open mind. Don't decide that they will not have a relationship before you see how things go. We can miss out on many things in life if we approach them with our mind already made up. I know we all have certain feelings and ideas about how things are or they will be. If we do not at least keep our mind open to other possibilities then that is exactly how they will be. Just keep an open mind about the children. You do not have to like her or your ex, but at least try to speak positively about them or just don't speak about them at all. Children are very smart and they see things for themselves. They will decide if they like a person or not, and see their true colors in time. We don't have to do that for them. Let your child realize how these people really are, and keep your feelings to yourself. They will grow up and say man my dad is deadbeat but my mom is a strong women that never said anything bad about them or put them down. It hurts kids to hear their parent talk bad about the other parent.


Quoting ajohnson08099:

Yea how am I supposed to fosther healthy relationships when the only way that would happen is if my child were alone without his mother with these people? Its not like I can set up some famy picnic. It would be witb a woman that hates me and with children I wouldn't know. At this point I am not prepared for that. Its not about being bitter thank you its about putting my chd in a situation where its with people that likely will be taught to hate him



Quoting shamroc374:

My oldest son has a half sister that is 6 years older than him from his dad, and he has a half brother that is 9 years younger than him from me.





I have always encouraged him to have a relationship with his older sister. His dad and I were together from the the time his sister was 2 until she was 10. After we seperate I encouraged them to see each other and spend time together. Once she became a teenager she was busy with her friends and didn't have as much time for her little brother which is normal in any sibling relationship. No teenager wants to hang out with their little brother. Once she turned 19 or 20 she started trying to have relationship with him. They have an ok relationship now and he is an uncle. I don't think he has met the baby yet but he is a teenage boy and babies are not that exciting to them.





He is closer to his little brother. They live in the same home and have grown up together so it is normal they would be closer. He does consider his brother to be a full sibling and not a half sibling. They were raised by the same mom and dad even though they have different biological dads. He loves his brother more than anything and would freak out if his relationship with his brother was like the relationship he has with his sister. He is a teenager and prefers to spend time with his friends but does make time for his brother, "bro time" as he calls it.





The 2 relationships are different because he lived with one the whole time, and it may be different because brothers tend to be closer, and sisters tend to be closer, idk.





I would want my children to have a relationship with any sibling they have. My husband and I could end up divorcing some day. I know he would get remarried and I know he wants more children and I do not. I am sure he would have more. I would encourage my children to have a relationship with those children no matter how they came about. Children do not ask to be born into a situation. As adults it is our job to teach them how to build and foster relationships. The more people there are that love and care about our children the better. You never know, those half siblings may help them grow up to achieve great things, save their life someday, teach them wonderful life lessons. Siblings are each others first best friends and they can give each other so much. Be the grown up and push your bitterness to the children aside, it is not their fault or decisions this has happened. You should encourage your child to get to know their siblings.

Affinity05
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 4:37 PM
1 mom liked this
Never give up hope because even if she doesn't meet them now she will. I hope it's not as long as it took me to find mine. I met two of my brothers at 17 and I am now 32 and just found my older sister 8 months ago. She didn't even know she had siblings. I have not met her face to face but I will this summer. I also have two younger sisters and a younger brother whom it is taking longer to find because my dad doesn't even know their names. So if your daughter doesn't have the opportunity to meet her siblings right away just find a way to keep tabs on the mothers names and children's name so she can find them when she is ready.


Quoting flawskii:

My daughter is my only child but her dad has 5 other children. Technically speaking she's not the only child just my only child. I would love for one day my daughter could meet her brothers and sister. I'm not too confidante that will happen though.


flawskii
by on Apr. 24, 2013 at 6:42 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm not giving up hope just not all that confidante. By all means I'd love for her to meet her sibilings. Her father once told me a couple of the other mothers names (6 kids 4 baby moms *eye roll* lol) so I could find them on Facebook but I didn't find them. I do know all the childrens first names so when she's older (she's only 8 months) I'll be able to at least give her that information.

Quoting Affinity05:

Never give up hope because even if she doesn't meet them now she will. I hope it's not as long as it took me to find mine. I met two of my brothers at 17 and I am now 32 and just found my older sister 8 months ago. She didn't even know she had siblings. I have not met her face to face but I will this summer. I also have two younger sisters and a younger brother whom it is taking longer to find because my dad doesn't even know their names. So if your daughter doesn't have the opportunity to meet her siblings right away just find a way to keep tabs on the mothers names and children's name so she can find them when she is ready.


Quoting flawskii:

My daughter is my only child but her dad has 5 other children. Technically speaking she's not the only child just my only child. I would love for one day my daughter could meet her brothers and sister. I'm not too confidante that will happen though.



CafeMom Tickers
Monsita
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 6:51 PM

 


Quoting ajohnson08099:

With the oldest ex is sortof the only dad she will know. The boys father was areested but not that long ago up unt then his father had sole custody. So it feeks like with that kid they are playing house. I guess it sucks bc ex was all about he didn't want to be with his ex and la d da only delt with her bc of kids and wanted to be friendly for that reason. Guess that wasn't true since he was sleeping with her, has claimed her kids, and now dosnt care to speak to me at all. Guess I was really blind. I want to raise my son in a happy and healthy home. Away from the drama ex constantly livez in.

Quoting Affinity05:

Its ok to feel the way you do, but in my experience it just depends on the situation. If he is the only father those other kids know than they are his. You have the right to say whatever you want to your child and raise him however. My BD was at one point married and had two sons from that marriage. Although he never helped me and I don't always speak to him, me and the ex wife speak frequently. Our children love each other and her and myself are alot alike. Sometimes women tend to hold grudges towards another woman for no reason, but the blame is in the significant other. Kids don't ask to be here and how we are teaches them as to what kind of people they can become. There is no harm in allowing your child to bond with siblings biological or not if it can be done without drama.


The book that will give you a better understanding of what I mean is called "Children Learn what they Live: Parenting to Inspire Values" by Dorothy Law Nolte...check it out you would love it.

wink

 

IloveNCIS
by Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 7:09 PM

My son has a half-brother, he has never met and probably never will. He is 23 years older then my son.

Monsita
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2013 at 7:16 PM
1 mom liked this

 


Quoting steviechick:

When we have problems with our spouses in this way try and help the situation, give it all you can so you can tell your children I did all I could. Sometimes we are the problem and sometimes not. If you've done all you can to help the situation and then want out, then get out before you start something with some one else. However, on the other hand if you cheat because you can't deal with your emotional problems then you deserve what you get when you cheat.  It always comes back to you in a much worse way. How you got them is how you will loose them as well. When we think the grass is greener on the other side, we are wrong.....that relationship can have more weeds in it then you have ever seen before. And sometimes they are deadly weeds. And for the women that will cheat with a married man, there is a place for you as well if you don't get your life right with God.  It's all about loving yourself enough to not sell yourself short. Have any of us thought about that when we have sex with someone and are not married to them, we have lost a piece of our soul to that person every time?  

Lies and cheating go hand-in-hand.  Your ex sounds just like mine - can't take on responsibility nor will they ever accept they HAVE to be men first and utmost.  Your ex's new gf and he are like two peas in a pod.  Both wanted something out of their pathetic lives and are now having to deal with what life has dealt them.  I can't imagine how 'happy' either couple are.  You create so many children in your life and then eventually realize that you have to be responsible for every action you make. 

I won't stop battling my ex for the money he owes me.  He's never, ever been held responisible for anything he's done in his life.  Never when it comes to money.  Now it's hitting him square in the forehead.  I'm not just a creditor - I'm an ex-wife who wants restitution and a daughter that deserves her father to BE a father for once in his miserable life.

 

Quoting Stephd710:

OMg, thats nuts!  I find it funny how these types of people hide everything.  That must suck to have to hide your relationship and even your own child from the world.  

This new chick...she was married too when she started up with my ex.  She was 23, my ex was 34, she started working at the same place and in LESS than a month, they were screwing eachother.  She has one child with her now ex husband.  She was raised in a very strict religious family, they practice some religion ive never heard of and kind of live in a small community with other families that practice the same thing.  All the kids hang out together, get homeschooled and eventually marry other kids from other families in this community.  Thats what she did, at like 17.  So she meets my ex and has this affair right??....she tells her husband and both their families.  Her family completely shuns her.  Like wont answer calls, the door, nothing.  So she tells them she broke up with him.   They let her back in.  Then she comes up pregnant....she gets shunned again.  She says it was one time and they are still broken up.  They tried to get her to go back to her husband, he didnt want her back.  So they decide to get divorced which is a HUGE no-no in that community.  Nobody NOBODY gets divorced.  But they help her with moving into her own place and blah blah blah, because she convinced them she's not with my ex.  This all happened over 2 years ago, everyone is divocred, the kid is born....yet they are STILL hiding their relationship.  STILL.  He stays every night at her apartment but keeps none of his things there.  They are all in his car or at his moms house.  So he has to drive out there to change clothes and shit.  LOL!  When he's at her place, he parks blocks away and walks.  Ive seen him walking and ive seen his car parked in random places.  Its quite hilarious.  When he has my girls, he stays at his moms house because he has to give me the address of where he stays with them and he cant give me the girls apartment address because that would mean they are together and GASP...i might tell someone!!  LOL!  So technically his address is at his moms, but he lives with the gf.  So my theory is her parents are helping her financially so she cant let her relationship with my ex get out or I'm sure that will stop.  She doesnt have a job.  She goes to "school" a couple days a week and lives off the child support her ex gives her (which is an insane amount for one kid).  My ex helps her out with money too, even tho he's broker than broke.  Her electric and internet are in his name.  I know because I got their bills on accident because my home's electric is still in his name too.  My friend works for the internet company and she told me when he got it set up for her.  My ex brings home less than $500 a month.  He told me so.  He pays his first ex CS and pays me CS.  He cant afford to break up with this chick even if he wanted because then she would go for support too and then he would REALLY have to live with his mommy.  

 

im sorryI believe no one should be cheated on!!!!!!!!!!

 

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