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abandoned by baby father at 11W, not 27W n he has a GF

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One day he wants to reconcile and work on us because "he wants nothing more that to be with the baby and the mother of his baby and raise his child in the same household" and the nex day he has a girlfriend (whom is the female he cheated on me with and left me fore) and he can no longer "speak to me like that and tell me sweet nothings behind his "gf" back"  he says " yeah it would be ideal for us to raise our child and be together, but does he take another chance with me or does he stay where he is, and where he is with this girl is not as complicated and crazy as me" he says " i have a lot to think about, does he try with me and be with me n baby or does he stay where he is at?"

all these things he says literally makes me sick to my stomach, i treated him like a king and all he did was run around and cheat on me. He would beg for forgiveness and a second chance and I gave him a million second chances.

I am 7months pregant and he has been MIA since i was 11 weeks. This baby was planned and we did not attempt to prevent pregnacy and he said he wanted nothng more than getting a home with me and raising a family.

He propsed, we were house hunting, we were moving on with on plans. Then he up and leaves me.

Abandon me and his child and months later says he is with her now but he doesnt love her, he says he cares for her and she treats him great and he dont want to break her heart.

how could he put her heart before mine and our baby?

how could he run away like a coward?

5 years i was with him and i cannot understand how he could abandon me in my time of need and choose another female over his child

 

i dont understand why

by on Apr. 25, 2013 at 6:35 PM
Replies (11-20):
Lalalonely
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 4:55 PM

WHAT DO I TELL MY BABY WHEN THEY ASK ABOUT THEIR DADDY?

dawncs
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 5:45 PM

 Just tell him or her that Daddy is busy. Do not make excuses. If he is in and out of the baby's life, just be there for him or her, and  I recommend letting them make the decision for themself. Trust me. You can't control what he does. He may try to play Daddy to impress a girl that he might want to date from time to time. It is hard to gauge what kind of Daddy he will be at this time. Just remember, not all men are like your ex. You will find the right person in time to date and marry. Just do not give up.

Quoting Lalalonely:

WHAT DO I TELL MY BABY WHEN THEY ASK ABOUT THEIR DADDY?

 

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

lovebienmom
by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 6:10 PM
1 mom liked this

Trying to undestand why he does this will not make it make sense ITS WRONG MOVE ON! Understand this. His actions are selfish, he does what he does to benefit his needs and his needs alone thats all you need  to know. Start the healing process its a long and hard one but its worth it

,

Quoting Lalalonely:

i dont want him back im just attempting to understand his actions


 

Lalalonely
by Member on Apr. 26, 2013 at 10:43 PM

i knew this was going to be the response i get. i was told by friends and family the same advice and i even told myself it is not worth it, i guess i needed unbias opinions.

I still love him, i hate him at the same time. When will i ever be able to stop loving him?

virginiamama71
by Carrie on Apr. 26, 2013 at 11:04 PM
It will take some time for you to let go of him and start the process to move on, than eventually let go of the love you had for him. But you have to first let go.
dawncs
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 6:24 AM

 You will in time trust me on it. You are still hurting major league regarding this. You two were planning a future then he ran away. The worst part is that he got a child involved with this. He will owe you 17% of his income each month in child support. He will have to think about it every month as a consequence to his own action. He will probably have more children this way in the future trust me and do the same. You will never be able to convince his girlfriends that he will do the same to them. You just have to let it bounce off of your back. Talk to your preist, minister or pastor on it.

Quoting Lalalonely:

i knew this was going to be the response i get. i was told by friends and family the same advice and i even told myself it is not worth it, i guess i needed unbias opinions.

I still love him, i hate him at the same time. When will i ever be able to stop loving him?

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

Krysmarine
by Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 7:31 AM
There is no understanding. He doesn't understand why he's doing it. Please. Heed everyone's advice about moving on. I was in a similar situation and don't know where to start with my story and keep it short enough, believable enough, for you to get thru the whole thing.

My story starts when I was 20 and fell HARD for my son's father. Four years later, with an abortion in the middle, I realized he didn't care for me the way I cared for him. Went thru a lot to get away from him; didn't speak for 11+ years. He found me thru Match.com; I thought he'd changed and let him back in my heart, as he was ending a marriage, thru the courts, that had produced a son. Fed me BS that he loved being a father (basically whatever I wanted to hear), then, as I'm probably days pregnant, tells me his key carrying GF is moving his stuff into her house.

Our son turned 7 earlier this month and has seen this man maybe 4 times. Grateful my mother scared me into seeking child support and I had a host of angels (aka friends, incidental strangers, etc.) supporting me and my son thru these years. Son's father texted me yesterday, asking me for our address again (just bought my 1st house last October!), so he could make certain to get a card to our son a month later.

I am 45 now. Please do what it takes NOW to move on - therapy, pagan ceremonies, whatever. It's truly taken me this long to understand and while I haven't taken him back physically, it wouldn't be lying to say that my heart hasn't allowed anyone else in out of the fear of being devestated again.


Quoting Lalalonely:

i dont want him back im just attempting to understand his actions


Krysmarine
by Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 7:40 AM
You don't have to lie, and try your best to not speak ill of the father in earshot. When 5 years old, my now 7 year old, screamed at the grocery store cashier that kept referencing a father, "I don't have a dad!"

Every now and then he asks (hasn't seen his father since he was 3) about and says he wants to see him (I'm not telling either father or DS they can't see each other) but plans to see each other always fall through on both sides. DS is happy with pictures, and surprisingly didn't mention his father when his birthday came and went w/o word from his father earlier this month.


Quoting Lalalonely:

WHAT DO I TELL MY BABY WHEN THEY ASK ABOUT THEIR DADDY?


Lalalonely
by Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 9:07 PM

im doing a lot better tnow than i was when he first left, but i still cant get him off my mind. I dont talk about him, but i dream about him almost every night. I just want to move on, but i dont know how to right now. A small part of me still wants us together, but i know i deserve better than how he has treated me. Torn.

Lalalonely
by Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 8:37 PM

he says someday he will like to change his ways and fix things

 

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