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Single Moms Single Moms

How do you prepare yourself

Posted by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 8:58 AM
  • 12 Replies
My son is 15 months and I know in short amount of time he's going to be able to speak sentences and some what knowing what's going on. I know as mother I can't protect him form his father. His father in and out of his life. When the father dose have him he pawns him off. Also the father has gf that has a baby that isn't his but my sons father takes care of that baby more then his own. I know once my son gets old enough to see whats going on he's going to ask a lot questions and be very upset and hurt. So I need advice how do I prepare myself for this.
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 8:58 AM
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jessi2girls
by Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 9:26 AM
2 moms liked this

first, never bad mouth the father... at least in front of your child or to your child.. let them develop their own feels about it themselves.. if you feed into the hate, they'll resent you later for it.

Secondly, you really just have to play most of this by err. Some kids are rather intelligent and know more about what's going on than you'd think.. and are able to handle it, without it upsetting them. My oldest dd is like that.. she understands a lot of what was going on, and is too upbeat of a person to let it bother her... she also has a lot of lovign family around her, her mommy, her mama(grandma), and papa (grandpa), her nana( her father's mom) and her uncle.. so not having her father around isn't too hard on her.   My youngest doesn't even really know her father.. I was 4 months pregnant when we separated, and he's only seen her a handful of times.

So it may not even be as big of an issue as you think it might be.   

Just make sure that he knows he is loved.


samhannon
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 9:51 AM
2 moms liked this
sons dad has been in and out of his life for three years now they only spend about five minutes on the phone a week I find the weeks he doesn't phone easier the the ones when he does. I have to watch what I say in front of my son but he was 20 months when he last saw his dad and he only know him as a voice over the phone. Sounds horrible but am in a away hoping that once my exes next child is born the phone calls will stop altogether. He doesn't help with maintenance or visit and doesn't always stick to the contact arrangements. But have decided my must decide about his dad and soon enough he will
amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 3:42 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with this.  

Quoting jessi2girls:

first, never bad mouth the father... at least in front of your child or to your child.. let them develop their own feels about it themselves.. if you feed into the hate, they'll resent you later for it.

Secondly, you really just have to play most of this by err. Some kids are rather intelligent and know more about what's going on than you'd think.. and are able to handle it, without it upsetting them. My oldest dd is like that.. she understands a lot of what was going on, and is too upbeat of a person to let it bother her... she also has a lot of lovign family around her, her mommy, her mama(grandma), and papa (grandpa), her nana( her father's mom) and her uncle.. so not having her father around isn't too hard on her.   My youngest doesn't even really know her father.. I was 4 months pregnant when we separated, and he's only seen her a handful of times.

So it may not even be as big of an issue as you think it might be.   

Just make sure that he knows he is loved.



JCSmommy2
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 9:46 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm in the same boat but I feel that kids will eventually form their own opinions about their parents.. My son loves his dad which makes this whole thing very hard for me.. I don't want him growing up wondering why his dad barely spends anytime with him or isn't in his life.. I'm glad hes too young now to realize whats going on.. Just hope in the future his dad is there for him the way he should be
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Apr. 27, 2013 at 11:57 PM
1 mom liked this
My son hasn't seen it heard from his father since he was 8 months he just turned 3. Only once he said he didn't have a daddy. I told him (after pulling my jaw off the floor) yes you do but he wasn't ready to be a daddy but you do have (listed off all the people that love him) he doesn't really ask anything I know he will eventually but For now that works for him
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xsmommy12
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 12:12 AM
My sons father is a good dad and sees him 2 times or sometimes 3 times every two weeks. I admit he dose spend one of those days with him the whole time without pawning him off. The bigger problem I'm going to have is our son seeing his dad taking care of a another kid that's isnt his more then he dose with him. Like why's daddy taking him to car show and not me. Or why do i go daddies and hes not here. Things like I'm trying block out of his mind.But I was told he knows what's going on that's why he haves anxiety.
xsmommy12
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 12:15 AM
Thanks for everyone's advice and thoughts.
Carla-Nikkole
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 1:54 AM
1 mom liked this
Just to piggy back a Lil on another comment.....never bad mouth the father. That in itself takes a lot of preparation! A lot its also playing it by ear. As long as there isn't any physical or verbal mistreatment (abusive in nature) you will have to allow your child to form his own opinion. Be for warned that you will need a tough skin and some creative vocabulary. You may have to wipe a lot of tears or watch your Childs excitement as hh he
Carla-Nikkole
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 1:56 AM
1 mom liked this
He buys into the lies that will later make him cry.

Sorry crazy cell!!


Quoting Carla-Nikkole:

Just to piggy back a Lil on another comment.....never bad mouth the father. That in itself takes a lot of preparation! A lot its also playing it by ear. As long as there isn't any physical or verbal mistreatment (abusive in nature) you will have to allow your child to form his own opinion. Be for warned that you will need a tough skin and some creative vocabulary. You may have to wipe a lot of tears or watch your Childs excitement as hh he

alanasmumma
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 2:49 AM
1 mom liked this
I wish I could answer this but I'm struggling with a semi similar situation of my own... my 8 year old daughter's father has never really been involved in her life- this August will be 3 years since he's even seen her. Last September his current gf had their daughter- he lives in Illinois and we live in Colorado so I don't expect him to be around all the time but like I said it's been almost 3 years since he's seen my daughter, she is very shy and has always had major separation anxiety especially when it comes to me so I refuse to put her on a plane to see him alone. Now I'm forced to answer the questions about why she can't see her sister, why he spends time with her sister but not her etc. She never asks me to let her go see him, when she brings it up she asks me if I can take her to see him. It breaks my heart because I don't know how to answer her without completely telling her how I honestly feel about her father.
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