the last couple days ive been so emotional. my baby dad left me when i was 11 w and its been a rough road, ive had my good and bad days. mostly bad:( but the last couple days have been espically rough. I know he is not worth my time, he is selfish and just all around a coward. He made it clear that he doesnt want to try us out for the sake of our family and that he is happy dating the girl he cheated on me with. i didnt flip out and i didnt spaze on him though my natural reaction, hormonal or not, would usually be to do that. i just said goodbye and do not contact me.
the last couple nights all i do is dream about him. the thought of him keeps creeping in my mind. I cannot stop crying and i cannot stop being moody. I am so sad and i am so angry at him. Im going through all this stress alone. MY finace left me the same week i was fired from my job. I am constantly feeling so lonely and pathetic and stressed and angry and depressed.
I try to keep busy but there is only so much i can do. I just want to get him of my mind but at the same time all i want is to have him here with me comforting me. what is so wrong with me that he left me for her? that he abandoned me and our baby for her?
i feel like an a hole fore even saying this stuff because if i wasnt pregnany i would be like f him and move on i know i can and deserve better than him. i never imagained that after 5 years together with an abortion in between that he would up and leave me while im pregnant and that i would be raising our baby alone.
god help me, i just want to stop feeling so many different emotions at one time. i feel like i am loosing my mind