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Am I being selfish?

Posted by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 5:47 PM
  • 8 Replies

 My ex and I split when I was pregnant and I've tried so hard to be fair at co-parenting for my dd. She's 10 months old and breastfed and he sees her Tuesday, Thursday and every Saturday. Tuesday and Thursday from when he gets off work (3-3:30; he's military) until 7 and Saturday from 10 am until 6 pm. During his time I send BM with her and she also eats solid food. When he has plans and wants to keep her longer I ALWAYS agree even if I feel like it's too late or whatever. Today he texts me asking if he could have her until 8 pm during the week and from 8-8 on Saturdays. I explained to him that 8 is too late bc of her bedtime schedule and that on Saturday he could take her from 9-7; still giving him more hours but not until 8. And 8 am on a Saturday is early for her bc I try to let her wake up on her own on the weekends bc during the week I have to wake her up at 6 (I'm also military.) He responds with if 8 is too late he'll just keep her overnight and do what he wants. I explain that she is still nursing and wakes during the night to eat. I understand that she should be sleeping through the night but she doesn't and her pedi says if she's waking and hungry to eat to nurse her. He got pissed off and said I'm being selfish and that he's her dad and he can feed her, etc. I understand all of this but given her age and nursing I feel like that wouldn't be the best thing for her. I don't know what to do; I feel like no matter what I do it's never good enough. When he doesn't get his way he bullies me until I give in or he realizes that I'm sticking to my decision. We are currently going through the legal side of things but he still wants to constantly push me. I don't know what to do; I'm stressed and overwhelmed.

Mommy to 3 Girls!!!

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 5:47 PM
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Replies (1-8):
brieri
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 5:55 PM
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 You say you are stressed and overwhelmed?  Does he get the baby every weekend or EOW.  Maybe compromise with him on EOW if it is right now Every weekend.  Let him take her from 10 am S to 10 am S EOW.  that way you won't feel so overwhelmed.  Maybe it's tiime to wean her from the nursing and put her on full bottle feed. An opinion.

sallij
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 6:13 PM
1 mom liked this
My DD'd father and I split when she was 6 months. He kept her for overnights and would feed her bottles I had pumped when she woke up.
babycakes041903
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:22 PM

I'm not overwhelmed with my dd or with nursing; I nursed all my children. I'm overwhelmed with him(he is constantly threateningto take her away from me); he has turned very mean and bullies me constantly. He gets pissed when he doesn't get his way.if I offer him an overnight eow he will push for every weekend. He puts on this front that he's doing what's best for our dd but it really see,s like he just wants to hurt me. 

Quoting brieri:

 You say you are stressed and overwhelmed?  Does he get the baby every weekend or EOW.  Maybe compromise with him on EOW if it is right now Every weekend.  Let him take her from 10 am S to 10 am S EOW.  that way you won't feel so overwhelmed.  Maybe it's tiime to wean her from the nursing and put her on full bottle feed. An opinion.


Mommy to 3 Girls!!!

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
babycakes041903
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:25 PM

I just don't trust him; I send milk I pumped with her and she comes back with all of it. I ask him why he didn't give her milk and he said bc he gave her juice. This is when she's with him for 8+ hours; given no milk at all. That's not good for her but he just brushes of my concern bc he thinks. I'm telling him what to do. Her pediatrician has told him the importance but he downplays it; it just bothers me. Guess I'm being selfish:/

Quoting sallij:

My DD'd father and I split when she was 6 months. He kept her for overnights and would feed her bottles I had pumped when she woke up.


Mommy to 3 Girls!!!

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
ghostcat90
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:48 PM

Did you tell him that you want pics of him breastfeeding?  IMO get it documented that he's not providing proper nutrition and then approach the courts with it and demand supervised visitation since he's incapable of properly tending her.

babycakes041903
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 11:55 PM

I asked him about it in a text message and he replied back so I do have proof. It just ticks me off; he's mad bc the hours he gets her don't work with th plans he has w her and his gf. I am pretty sure he could do anything he wanted between 10-6 if he wanted; he chooses to plan things when she needs to be getting ready for bed, etc and the says I'm selfish. Keeping a baby out past her bedtime and not giving her her milk seems pretty damn selfish to me but what do I know?

Quoting ghostcat90:

Did you tell him that you want pics of him breastfeeding?  IMO get it documented that he's not providing proper nutrition and then approach the courts with it and demand supervised visitation since he's incapable of properly tending her.


Mommy to 3 Girls!!!

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
sallij
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:37 AM
1 mom liked this
You sort of forgot to mention that part of it.

The juice is a separate issue, but DD went through a period after she started solids where she really didn't drink milk while she was at the sitter's (9-10 hrs/day) while I was working. It may be that she refuses the bottle and he doesn't know what to do.





Quoting babycakes041903:

I just don't trust him; I send milk I pumped with her and she comes back with all of it. I ask him why he didn't give her milk and he said bc he gave her juice. This is when she's with him for 8+ hours; given no milk at all. That's not good for her but he just brushes of my concern bc he thinks. I'm telling him what to do. Her pediatrician has told him the importance but he downplays it; it just bothers me. Guess I'm being selfish:/

Quoting sallij:

My DD'd father and I split when she was 6 months. He kept her for overnights and would feed her bottles I had pumped when she woke up.



Monsita
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:21 AM

hugsHE IS THE ONE BEING SELFISH!!!       So sorry he is not willing to understand that there is nothing better for a baby than breastmilk.....I SUGGEST YOU MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TOGETHER TO THE BABY DR. and with his recomemdation on how important it is for baby to be breastfeed.....you wait and see IF IT WILL HELP!!!

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