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After more than a year, I think I'm getting "some"! Pls don't bash...

Posted by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:19 AM
  • 23 Replies
Ok, I have been separated for close to a year, but marriage was dead a long time before we split. It has been a long road for me and kids, but we are doing ok. Divorce is in pipeline. About a year ago, I began communicating with a long-time acquaintance. This is someone with whom I share similar interests with as well as someone who has gone thru a divorce. So, a fair amount of common-ground. Now, we are living on different coasts, so our communication is limited to texts/phone. But, over time, this has evolved and we have become close friends. He is in a relationship (not married), and they share kids. It sounds like the relationship is not in good shape. I have never, ever crossed the line. Even though, it was clear to me for some time I was developing feelings for him. I respected his choices and that he is w/ someone. Recently, he has admitted to me that he no longer is happy and that the relationship is becoming too difficult. This is where things have been getting interesting...we are beginning to flirt very playfully. There is a def sexual attraction as well as a personal one. We are getting a lot closer. This has been the closest thing I have had that is like a boyfriend in the longest time. I say LIKE a bf...maybe more like a man in my life. I am trying so hard not to get in over my head, but I can't turn my feelings off. I do not want to get hurt, I worry that I will. BUT, this feels so great. And, I am only human. We are seeing each other later on this spring at a seminar. Yes, I hope that we have sex (it's been well over a year for me), and that is soooo exciting, but I am kinda nervous about it too. I was with my H for nearly 20 years and I never cheated. I can't help but notice every spider vein, bit of cellulite, and gray hair. Is it normal to be so self-conscience? I don't want to be so nervous that I am overwhelmed. I know that this friendship of ours may go to the next-level. I am in totally uncharted territory here..
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ajohnson08099
by Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 9:48 AM
6 moms liked this
If he is single then get it girl. I'm sure he will only see your beauty and not care about grey hairs. However uphappy or not you (both) need to be respectful of his current relationship (meaning flirting should be minimal and definitely don't be Planning for a more intimate encounter (you can daydream but don't discuss such things with him)

I know it sucks but even if he is theperfect man for you how perfect would it really be knowing he was going back home to another woman?? Plus if you have ever been cheated on... you know how it feels.
Shyandteyamommy
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 10:20 AM
1 mom liked this
If he isn't singe then no because that would be a disaster!!!
sr6487
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 10:40 AM
Should I ask him if he wants out or is planning on getting out? I have worried about being the "other woman"; I'd like to think I am an ethical and compassionate person. But, I also need to be in my own corner...it has been a like a lifetime since I have had feelings like this. It has kinda already gotten to that point of us "daydreaming" about being together. Even though we have not been specific or explicit. Life is messy and complicated, but if he is leaving his current relationship, I would take the chance of happiness. ;">If he is single then get it girl. I'm sure he will only see your beauty and not care about grey hairs. However uphappy or not you (both) need to be respectful of his current relationship (meaning flirting should be minimal and definitely don't be Planning for a more intimate encounter (you can daydream but don't discuss such things with him) I know it sucks but even if he is theperfect man for you how perfect would it really be knowing he was going back home to another woman?? Plus if you have ever been cheated on... you know how it feels
kidlover2
by Bronze Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 10:44 AM
1 mom liked this
I wouldn't sleep with anybody in a relationship, messy or not. If he really cares about you and you have self respect, wait until he ends his relationship before jumping into bed with him.
amandacr1026
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 10:49 AM
2 moms liked this

I don't think that the first time you guys meet up you should jump right to it... I realize you're really eager but it might be better in the long run... Things could be totally different when you're face to face.. it could just be the excitement.. and you don't really know who a guy is until you're around him.. living with him and spending facetime on a regular basis... It sounds like things are going wonderfully... but the sex should probably wait..

breebree04
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 11:14 AM
1 mom liked this

If he is single when you meet up then go for it! If he is still with his gf then you should not. If you don't think you can control yourself around him then maybe back out of the seminar. An affair can cause all kinds of drama and hurt for everyone involved and Im sure that is not how you want your relationship to be with him.

Oh and I think everyone worries when they havent been with a man in awhile or they are with a new man. I know I do! I always think I wish I had my 19 yr old body back, even just for one night lol but I have found that men dont care about your body as much as we think they do :)

ajohnson08099
by Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 11:22 AM
1 mom liked this
If he's out of his current relationship.. not leavING... don't be selfish, happiness is great but is your happiness worth tearing someone else apart? That's not fair. And plu id rather have years of happiness... not 20 minutes.

Quoting sr6487:

Should I ask him if he wants out or is planning on getting out?
I have worried about being the "other woman"; I'd like to think I am an ethical and compassionate person. But, I also need to be in my own corner...it has been a like a lifetime since I have had feelings like this.
It has kinda already gotten to that point of us "daydreaming" about being together. Even though we have not been specific or explicit.
Life is messy and complicated, but if he is leaving his current relationship, I would take the chance of happiness.

;">If he is single then get it girl. I'm sure he will only see your beauty and not care about grey hairs. However uphappy or not you (both) need to be respectful of his current relationship (meaning flirting should be minimal and definitely don't be Planning for a more intimate encounter (you can daydream but don't discuss such things with him)

I know it sucks but even if he is theperfect man for you how perfect would it really be knowing he was going back home to another woman?? Plus if you have ever been cheated on... you know how it feels
sr6487
by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:04 PM
Neither one of us can back out of attending. I do respect myself, but I guess I am craving being with him so much. Maybe sleeping with him isn't the best thing, but I dunno. We both agree that we are excited to see each other and just be able to talk. He is on the opposite coast; so it's not like we have many opportunities to be together. I'd like to think w some face-to-face time, and with some heartfelt conversation, maybe things will be understood. Like some clarity...
Monsita
by Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:18 PM

 


Quoting kidlover2:

I wouldn't sleep with anybody in a relationship, messy or not. If he really cares about you and you have self respect, wait until he ends his relationship before jumping into bed with him.


 I totally think like you; Why to start a relationship based on THE FALSE BELIEVE THAT HE IS IN A MESSY/BAD RELATIONSHIP?

 

Monsita
by Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 12:25 PM
2 moms liked this

 


Quoting sr6487:

Neither one of us can back out of attending. I do respect myself, but I guess I am craving being with him so much. Maybe sleeping with him isn't the best thing, but I dunno. We both agree that we are excited to see each other and just be able to talk. He is on the opposite coast; so it's not like we have many opportunities to be together. I'd like to think w some face-to-face time, and with some heartfelt conversation, maybe things will be understood. Like some clarity...


 I imagine your feelings......however,wake up and smell the coffee!!!

some men in general tell the lady they like
"I AM IN A MESSY, BAD RELATIONSHIP...." just to get some.....

 

 

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