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(PIOG) Confused, about what I should do. (Long)

Posted by on May. 1, 2013 at 1:33 PM
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I am not an ex - spouse yet I am separated ( 9 months now). I currently live in NJ and my soon to be ex lives in NC he is in the marines. All of this started when he tried to get a girlfriend while still being married to me ( When we were stationed in upstate NY). I objected but he kept on insisting and if I didn't want to agree with hmi then I could leave. for months he would keep making things hard on me by saying ( I can't wait until you are gone and I can have someone who will **** me good). We then PCS'd to NC and things got worse.

He wanted his freedom as he claimed and stressed me out to no end, also getting on me about finding a job ( which i did at a call center) but that added to my stress. I was diagnosed with Systemic lupus erythematosus in 2012. All this stress didn't help as I ended up having a huge flare and landed in the ER. I had to drive myself because my soon ot be ex refused to take me. In September I left, cause he didn't want me in the house ( we were renting) anymore. He wouldn't let me leave with our daughter unless i signed a separation agreement he got online and noterized.He gave me full legal and physical custody of our  now 2 year old daughter.

Now he wants me to sign a new agreement that says he has joint custoday, so he does not lose his BAH, since myself and our daughter no longer lives with him. He does not want to lose his "freedom" and move back into the barracks. I am trying to let his C/O know but I can't find info. I have to go over his chain of command cause his Ssgt is one of his friends and his other Sgt who got a divoce from his wife has been instructing him on what to do against me to benefit himself.


He has been harassing me to comply with him and his agreements including taking our daughter every other week driving to and from NJ where i am to NC where he is and back. Our daughter hates long car rides she starts having an atoomic melt down after an hour. He is saying I am denying him his rights to our daughter, when I am not he can come up here and see her any time he wants. I just don't want her to go though long visitations away from her home here in NJ until she gets a bit older, she is also still brestfed.


There is way more to all of this, his harassing messages which i kept copies of, and him  trying to sleep with my friends, I have copies of the text messages. And audio recording of him statnig he doesn't want to play with our daughter he is playing Call of Duty and will play with her when he feels like it. Yesterday he told me he will stop depositing the $400/ month in child support direct deposit into my account cause he need reciepts. And he would rather pay me via PayPal or Western Union because the money gets taken out of his account too fast. He said this is the last time it is going direct deposit from bank accounts and I HAVE to tell him my PayPal information if I want to continue to reciveve child support. PayPal takes a week or sometimes more to clear in my account and I don't have a car to get to Western Union I use my moms car to get aroun and he took the only car we had. This would inturn mess up the payment of my bills my school, the electric, water, my cell phone and storage where all my stuff is at while i am staying with family.

None of this is court ordered he wants to avoid courts and lawyers. I tried going through NJlegal they are pro bono and told me they can't help me cause a child is invovled. I got a consualtation with a lawyer they refered me to and he told me he wanted $3,500 to represent me. But knows I can't afford it and told me he was sorry he couldn't help me but would be able to whenever I got a job.  My soon to be ex called me just now to let me know he will be filing for divorce as soon as we reach the 12 month mark for NC. I want to file first and in NJ cause it is 18 months up here. I have to also try and find health care so I am not without my Lupus check ups and meds.

I am currently filling out the packet of paper work to get court ordered child support.

He told me he doesn't care what happens to me and it doesn't concern him at all. *sigh* I feel like I am stuck.


UPDATE: I talked with his 1st sgt, told her everything that is going on, she agreed with me and said he seems like he is doing everything to benefit himself and she will see what she can do and try to get him to sign a DD-11? for spouse support because I should be getting way more than $400/ month to take care of our daughter and myself since he is a Sgt. She said she will call me back after she talks with him. I hope this will help me out some and it will be one less thing he will have to hold over me.

by on May. 1, 2013 at 1:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
krisnkids
by Gold Member on May. 1, 2013 at 1:43 PM
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You can do this! Don't let him demean you to thinking otherwise. You do not need to provide him with receipts, that is not how child support works. Get the paperwork filled out and filed there in NJ, its kind of a race to the courthouse. I realize that its not for divorce yet and just child support, but if you get it started then NC may let NJ retain jurisdiction. That will give you medical coverage longer.

Call his command, they do not look highly on active duty members who do not support their dependants. If you don't know how to get a hold of it, call the base operator and ask for the number. If they can't help you call base JAG and tell them your situation.

You don't need a lawyer, just do the research and represent yourself. Check out the website http://www.forum.freeadvice.com/ great place to ask legal questions.

steviechick
by on May. 1, 2013 at 1:46 PM
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Have you checked with JAG?  You do have legal rights as a spouse if your stbx is active duty or at least full-time in the Armed Forces.  When my ex told me of his disgusting affair he was active duty in the NG.  Legal at his unit told me that we both had no legal support because my stbx wasn't full-time military.  I had to go out and seek my own legal counsel.  If anything I would go talk to JAG about your situtation.  Your CO should be told of what's going on.  It's his job as company commander to make sure ALL of his soldiers.  If anything the ones that are acting up should be put in front of the CO and have their butts handed to them.  You HAVE rights as a spouse.  The soldiers (and your stbx) aren't complying to regulations while serving in the armed forces.  If you don't do anything you will end up with nothing and more than likely your stbx will continue to get away with a lot more stuff.  Also, call your family and see if they can help you out with a temporary place to stay (long extended hotel) until you get through your divorce?

brieri
by Platinum Member on May. 1, 2013 at 1:59 PM
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chocolateWelcome to the group.

 

Valesca
by on May. 1, 2013 at 1:59 PM
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My daughter nad i are living with family ATM, and I tried JAG they told me they can give me advice but they can't help me past that and I would need to find a civilian lawyer to represent me in court. I tried his Chain of Command but i get directed to his work and the highest ranking is Ssgt which is his friend. He is at Camp Johnson and he is not apart of a unit at this duty station so I don't know who I should contact.

brieri
by Platinum Member on May. 1, 2013 at 2:02 PM

 

Quoting Valesca:

My daughter nad i are living with family ATM, and I tried JAG they told me they can give me advice but they can't help me past that and I would need to find a civilian lawyer to represent me in court.

 Us Moms join forces together!

ashybaby87
by on May. 1, 2013 at 2:11 PM
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Hopefully someone has some answers for you, BUMP

cholita1978
by Member on May. 1, 2013 at 2:33 PM
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He's bullshitting you, Im active duty military, try hard to get ahold of his command, they can force him to do allotment until everything goes to court (i have seen it happened) also by him transfering money to your account, he has proof by printing his banks statement, and unless is court order whatever he is giving you is consider a gift under a judge's eyes, not child support. Do not fall for his threats, show him that you are strong (even though you might feel otherwise inside) good luck. And do not give him any more of your personnal info
Valesca
by on May. 1, 2013 at 2:50 PM
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I finally got ahold of someone in NC! I have his 1st Sgt number and left her a message hopefully this will get sorted out soon I will keep you all posted and thank you for the replies.

ashybaby87
by on May. 1, 2013 at 2:54 PM

Hopefully this will get the ball rolling on something!

Quoting Valesca:

I finally got ahold of someone in NC! I have his 1st Sgt number and left her a message hopefully this will get sorted out soon I will keep you all posted and thank you for the replies.


krisnkids
by Gold Member on May. 1, 2013 at 3:14 PM

Call the command and ask to speak to the command master seargeant, no one in the lower chain of command that he has direct contact with.

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