Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

(PIOG) Confused, about what I should do. (Long)

Posted by   + Show Post

I am not an ex - spouse yet I am separated ( 9 months now). I currently live in NJ and my soon to be ex lives in NC he is in the marines. All of this started when he tried to get a girlfriend while still being married to me ( When we were stationed in upstate NY). I objected but he kept on insisting and if I didn't want to agree with hmi then I could leave. for months he would keep making things hard on me by saying ( I can't wait until you are gone and I can have someone who will **** me good). We then PCS'd to NC and things got worse.

He wanted his freedom as he claimed and stressed me out to no end, also getting on me about finding a job ( which i did at a call center) but that added to my stress. I was diagnosed with Systemic lupus erythematosus in 2012. All this stress didn't help as I ended up having a huge flare and landed in the ER. I had to drive myself because my soon ot be ex refused to take me. In September I left, cause he didn't want me in the house ( we were renting) anymore. He wouldn't let me leave with our daughter unless i signed a separation agreement he got online and noterized.He gave me full legal and physical custody of our  now 2 year old daughter.

Now he wants me to sign a new agreement that says he has joint custoday, so he does not lose his BAH, since myself and our daughter no longer lives with him. He does not want to lose his "freedom" and move back into the barracks. I am trying to let his C/O know but I can't find info. I have to go over his chain of command cause his Ssgt is one of his friends and his other Sgt who got a divoce from his wife has been instructing him on what to do against me to benefit himself.


He has been harassing me to comply with him and his agreements including taking our daughter every other week driving to and from NJ where i am to NC where he is and back. Our daughter hates long car rides she starts having an atoomic melt down after an hour. He is saying I am denying him his rights to our daughter, when I am not he can come up here and see her any time he wants. I just don't want her to go though long visitations away from her home here in NJ until she gets a bit older, she is also still brestfed.


There is way more to all of this, his harassing messages which i kept copies of, and him  trying to sleep with my friends, I have copies of the text messages. And audio recording of him statnig he doesn't want to play with our daughter he is playing Call of Duty and will play with her when he feels like it. Yesterday he told me he will stop depositing the $400/ month in child support direct deposit into my account cause he need reciepts. And he would rather pay me via PayPal or Western Union because the money gets taken out of his account too fast. He said this is the last time it is going direct deposit from bank accounts and I HAVE to tell him my PayPal information if I want to continue to reciveve child support. PayPal takes a week or sometimes more to clear in my account and I don't have a car to get to Western Union I use my moms car to get aroun and he took the only car we had. This would inturn mess up the payment of my bills my school, the electric, water, my cell phone and storage where all my stuff is at while i am staying with family.

None of this is court ordered he wants to avoid courts and lawyers. I tried going through NJlegal they are pro bono and told me they can't help me cause a child is invovled. I got a consualtation with a lawyer they refered me to and he told me he wanted $3,500 to represent me. But knows I can't afford it and told me he was sorry he couldn't help me but would be able to whenever I got a job.  My soon to be ex called me just now to let me know he will be filing for divorce as soon as we reach the 12 month mark for NC. I want to file first and in NJ cause it is 18 months up here. I have to also try and find health care so I am not without my Lupus check ups and meds.

I am currently filling out the packet of paper work to get court ordered child support.

He told me he doesn't care what happens to me and it doesn't concern him at all. *sigh* I feel like I am stuck.


UPDATE: I talked with his 1st sgt, told her everything that is going on, she agreed with me and said he seems like he is doing everything to benefit himself and she will see what she can do and try to get him to sign a DD-11? for spouse support because I should be getting way more than $400/ month to take care of our daughter and myself since he is a Sgt. She said she will call me back after she talks with him. I hope this will help me out some and it will be one less thing he will have to hold over me.

by on May. 1, 2013 at 1:33 PM
Replies (11-13):
KT1525
by Member on May. 2, 2013 at 1:27 PM
I went through this with my ex. See if there is a recruiting station in your area, if it's the one he enlisted at, even better. I had no other choice but to talk to the higher ups when my x and I were separated because no one close to him wanted to get in trouble or wanted wanted him to get in trouble so they basically refused to help me. His recruiter helped me track down the numbers I needed for his post and put me in contact with the actual people I needed to talk to to get something settled and official through the military. I don't know that every recruiter would be so helpful but it's worth a shot if no one else will help you. It's all about talking to the right people unfortunately.
Valesca
by on May. 3, 2013 at 6:54 AM

Update Today:He is obviously retaliating. He called me last night after his 1st Sgt spoke to him, to let me know I am removed from his GI bill, his life insurance, he cancelled my dental insurance, and told me he will be paying me via Cashiers Check, and whatever portion of the money is not spent on our daughter he will be deducting that from what he gives me. And that I have to provide him with receipts of everything I spent the money on.

Valesca
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 12:36 AM

UPDATE: He got the joint custody he wanted, cause I could not afford a lawyer. He gets our daughter twice a month, Matramonial board is next month and I still can't afford a retainer for a lawyer :( The Judge at the Motion hearing last month denied my Divorce from bed & Board so I could keep the Tricare for a little so I'm not forced cold turkey off my Lupus medication the Judge to quote him said " You need to hurry up and find health insurance sincey ou have Lupus cause you will more than likly be divorced by the end of summer." That was a MAJOR jerk thing to say on the judges part :(

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)