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My life is a mess

Posted by on May. 5, 2013 at 2:57 AM
  • 8 Replies

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So Long story short...I gave my daughters dad a chance after he cheated on my while I was pregnant and then with a different girl got her pregnant when my daughter was only 4 months old. He never visited her or helped me take care of her and just gave me money each month. All I've ever wanted was a family so when he tried to get back together with me I gave him a chance after he joined the marine corps. He fed me all this bs and told me if I didn't marry him then that's the end, we can't live with him because we won't be able to afford it if we weren't married (BAH). Well I didn't want it to be the end so I agreed even tho I didn't want to get married but I felt I had no choice. We moved with him and it didn't work. What are my chances at getting custody over my daughter? I know we're married but he has never been there for her. We only lived with him for two months but he was gone all the time...I even kept record of his visits when we weren't together, saved text messages. I will die if I have to share her with him :( he has never been there for her. And still has no idea how to take care of her...which tells you how much he helped in the two months we lived with him.
by on May. 5, 2013 at 2:57 AM
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Replies (1-8):
LifeCafe42
by Nora on May. 5, 2013 at 11:12 AM

were you married when you had her? if not then you should have custody until he takes you to court but i don't know the rules in the marines.  I'd contact an attorny and find out what your legal rights in your state/marines is.

 
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conniejo75
by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2013 at 11:16 AM
He will get visitation unless he is abusive, drug addict, etc.
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MIMIBRIE
by Jayme on May. 5, 2013 at 11:17 AM
Your chances for custody are great. IMO unless he can prove you unfit then there's no way a servicemen would be granted custody of a minor. Since they go away often (training,deployment,etc) you will however have to give him visitation. With his record though I wouldn't count on him using his visitation. And once you cross that bridge with him not visiting you can file to have his visitation modified.
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by Jayme on May. 5, 2013 at 11:18 AM
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Btw you two are beautiful ladies :)
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Mac4411
by Member on May. 5, 2013 at 11:27 AM

If he is on the birth certificate then he will always have rights to her unless a court takes them away (it has to be pretty bad abuse for that to happen ) or he signs them off. If he is not on the birth certificate he would have to take you to court and prove paternity to get rights. With him being active duty in the military, you would have main custody rights from a divorce because active duty members can't. Even as a single parent active duty military have to have someone else temporarily signed as custodian due to being sent overseas or on projects. He would be allowed to see her if he choses though and after he gets out he would be able to take you to court and ask for more custody rights. Your best bet is to consult a lawyer, but if he pushes to be part of your child's life he will most likely get the oppurtunity.

Kailey_Kylah
by on May. 6, 2013 at 1:19 AM
When we lived with him there was an incident where he basically raped me. I say basically because its sad that it happened. The police were called because I wanted to leave and he said that he wasn't going to let my daughter leave....so I called the police to supervise us getting out of the apartment and they ended up asking why I was leaving in the first place....I told them and they said "married or not a unwanted touch is a unwanted touch". I did not press charges...I stayed in a hotel that night and then he convinced to go back to him. From then on it was hell. When we got into arguments he would follow me and I would do things like push him to get him out of my way. The baby was never around any of this...I'm just scared he's going to say that I "hit" him all the time blah blah blah....I'm just so stressed out over everything.
Kailey_Kylah
by on May. 6, 2013 at 1:21 AM
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No we were not married when I had her. We weren't together. I didn't even allow him in the room when our daughter was born. He is on the birth certificate though.


Quoting LifeCafe42:

were you married when you had her? if not then you should have custody until he takes you to court but i don't know the rules in the marines.  I'd contact an attorny and find out what your legal rights in your state/marines is.


steviechick
by Gold Member on May. 6, 2013 at 11:32 AM

Since you are now married you are afforded legal counsel from JAG.  Check with them first for filing for divorce.  Since he's already shown aggressive behavior and has shown he's not a good father I wouldn't worry about visitation.  Get full custody set up while you are talking with JAG.  Once you file for divorce you should be looking into getting a place to live.  You are afforded cs and the CO of his unit will enforce payments be made.  JAG can work everything out with you.  You can set-up visitation with your stbx but I doubt he follows through.  At any rate, you will get full custody so your child will remain safe with you. 

You deserve better then to be treated like this.  I was married to someone in the miltiary.  He got out and thank goodness he did.  He was a complete and utter disgrace to the US Army.

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