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step parents disciplining stepkids, your opinion

Posted by on May. 6, 2013 at 11:57 AM
  • 14 Replies

I'm a step mom of a 4 yr old girl. I've been her step mom since she was 10 months old. I treat her like my own daughter so I kind of view it as, if im treating the step kid as i would my own kid, then i will discipline them like i would my own kid. Of corse i have HD's concent to discipline her as i wish. We have the same disciplining views so he knows i wouldn't go overboard or anything.

But what do you think? What do you think about when SM disciplines your kids? What do you think about, SM's about disciplining your s-kids?

by on May. 6, 2013 at 11:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Two_Hearts
by on May. 6, 2013 at 12:03 PM

Ive been in both positions ...being the Bio mom , and the Step-mom. 

my ex (when he was seeing our DD) was going out with a few girls, and i didn't mind them disciplining DD ...if it was in reason.

If it is something stupid and small and the woman is just being a controlling B , then yes i would have a problem with it...but i never ran into that issue.

As a stepmom...the children were in my home , under my care...it is my job to make sure that they don't get away with every little thing..i treated them like they were my children when they were in my care because i would expect the same to be done with my child.

My future step-son...will be disciplined the way that me and SO(future DH) agree...my punishments are not spanking though , he is not MY biological child so that is not my right at all. 

However , time outs and things taken away , grounding...etc. Will be done within our home.

newmama008
by on May. 6, 2013 at 12:27 PM

My kids dont have a step mom...but I sure would hope she would discipline them if they had one. Everyone I know has permission to discipline my kids, including my boyfriend, as long we are on the same level on how to do it. I think it takes a village to raise a child...everyone that is involved with their life needs to be on board.

sid1083
by Silver Member on May. 6, 2013 at 12:31 PM
1 mom liked this

Similar disciplines are ok, up to the point of physicality. Regardless of having your husband's permission, it's not okay to lay hands on children that aren't yours biologically. Doesn't matter how long you've been in the picture.

*If* my kids ever meet their SM (though BD would have to first come around), I will make it clear that she not physically touch my kids. 

amonkeymom
by Gold Member on May. 6, 2013 at 1:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Ok, well, I can tell you from experience.... my oldest son had the stepmom from hell.  I was NOT ok with her spanking my son, etc and there were some other incidents that lead me to say that I was really, really happy when my son's dad divorced this woman a couple of years ago.  

I think it would definitely depend on the type of discipline.... spanking, no!  But, grounding, yeah I'd be ok with that if it was something that really needed to be done in order to get the point across.

breebree04
by on May. 6, 2013 at 2:08 PM

I think it depends on the responsibilities of the step parent. Is the step parent alone and taking care of the child? Then yes I believe he/she should be able to discipline but no spanking. I think if you chose to spank it should only be the bio parents that do it. If the bio parent is always present with step parent when step child is around then I see no reason why bio parent wouldnt step up and take care of the punishment but again I probably wouldnt have a problem with it as long as there was no hitting/spanking going on and there was a justified reason for the punishment.

Robsessed98
by on May. 6, 2013 at 3:04 PM
I've been both bio and step and they are similar, but not the same. SMs do have to discipline, but only as the dad agrees. I spanked my kids, but never the steps and their SD (my stbx) never touched them. They never had a SM, but if they did I would go apeshit if she ever touched them.
krisnkids
by Gold Member on May. 6, 2013 at 5:18 PM

If my kids step mother layed a hand on my child they would never return to their house with her there.

Lurion
by Member on May. 6, 2013 at 5:20 PM

IMO If you come in the picture when the kids are under 5 or so, you have the right to discipline. 

Ideally, you could also get on the same page with the mom, avoid a lot of issues.  

MommyT642
by on May. 6, 2013 at 5:29 PM

 i came into sd's life when she was 10 months. HD says i should discipline her as if she were my own. If i were to come to him telling him what she did, he would respond for me to spank her or whatever i felt like should be the punishment. If he is directly there, yes he will handle it. But if He is outside or somewhere else and i'm watching her, he expects me to be the acting parent. I have gone to BM asking her what behavior she finds unacceptable and what kind of discipline she uses. And I do try to use the same. If it is something small, she will get a stern talking to and a time out (ds is 4 now). If it is something big, its would be spanking. I've never had to spank her until this weekend. Usually a warning will safice. I do not tolerate disrespect. She started having an attitude with me, I told her she better loose that attitude. About 2 hrs later I told her not to do something, and she rolled her eyes at me. I immediately gave her two swats on the behind. And told her that was rude and that behavior will not be tolerated. I don't really feel that i was out of line considering that i have HD's concent and discipline was also discussed with BM.


Quoting Lurion:

IMO If you come in the picture when the kids are under 5 or so, you have the right to discipline. 

Ideally, you could also get on the same page with the mom, avoid a lot of issues.  


 

Lurion
by Member on May. 6, 2013 at 10:15 PM

I missed the part about spanking in the OP. 

I guess every parent (and SM) has a "right" to spank--as in legal right. Morally, that's up to each person.

As a matter of practice, it's been proven pretty thoroughly that spanked children are not better behaved, but the opposite. 

Even though I don't "believe in it," I admit I have spanked my children on rare occasion. Almost everybody loses their temper once in a while. Since you've been in the parenting role since she was a baby, I'd think you should be given the same leeway as a natural parent. Especially if BioMom spanks herself. 


Quoting MommyT642:

 i came into sd's life when she was 10 months. HD says i should discipline her as if she were my own. If i were to come to him telling him what she did, he would respond for me to spank her or whatever i felt like should be the punishment. If he is directly there, yes he will handle it. But if He is outside or somewhere else and i'm watching her, he expects me to be the acting parent. I have gone to BM asking her what behavior she finds unacceptable and what kind of discipline she uses. And I do try to use the same. If it is something small, she will get a stern talking to and a time out (ds is 4 now). If it is something big, its would be spanking. I've never had to spank her until this weekend. Usually a warning will safice. I do not tolerate disrespect. She started having an attitude with me, I told her she better loose that attitude. About 2 hrs later I told her not to do something, and she rolled her eyes at me. I immediately gave her two swats on the behind. And told her that was rude and that behavior will not be tolerated. I don't really feel that i was out of line considering that i have HD's concent and discipline was also discussed with BM.


Quoting Lurion:

IMO If you come in the picture when the kids are under 5 or so, you have the right to discipline. 

Ideally, you could also get on the same page with the mom, avoid a lot of issues.  





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