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Please, please help!

Posted by on May. 7, 2013 at 11:13 AM
  • 4 Replies

this is an odd thing to post about on here but I dont know who else to ask.

I have full custody of my twin daughters right now.

Their father only gets supervised visitation due to his instability and so far, not being fit to handle them on his own.

I have a COMPLETELY clean record, I have raised my daughters on my own since the day they were born. (i had them when I was 18). I have provided for them, I work a full-time job (working with children from troubled backgrounds), and I live on my own with them.

HOWEVER, I recently was very saddened, shocked, and dumbfounded to find out my mother is struggling from a hard drug addiction and has been for quite some time. Now, my mother is practically my best friend and she has been a HUGE support system for my daughters and I from day one. I lived with her when I was pregnant and when they were first born and she sees them nearly every day. She is always the one i have leaned on to help babysit and be around when i needed someone, my daughters ADORE her, i honestly think they love her more than me sometimes lol. She actually acted as  a supervisor for my ex's visits at one point in time. My mother has always had and still does hold a clean record. She has never been caught with drugs or been in any sort of trouble involving drugs. My brother also has three young children who my mom plays an active role with. She is an amazing mother and grandmother and there has never ever been an incident that would have suggested to us she was unfit or going through something that would make her improper to be such a hands on grandmother. But obviously, now there is.

Since I found this out, I have not allowed my mother to babysit or see my daughters unsupervised. My brother and I are planning on confronting my mother and hopefully trying to get her in to some sort of treatment but of course, we can only hope and pray for a positive outcome with that. I do not want to kick my mom completely out of our lives unless of course the situation escalates and it becomes dangerous, more obvious, detrimental for the girls upbringing, etc. Obviously though, I know leaving them with her unsueprvised is out of the question. 

I do not plan on telling my ex any of this but of course, things get out and I am worried he will find out and try to use this against me in court. Like I said, I live on my own now, and I am not going to allow her to have them unsupervised. I had no idea there was a problem before. 

I want to tell my attorney about the situation. Just to tell her waht is going on, prepare her for if it does get out and he does attempt to use it against me (we are actually together and getting along great right now but i always fear and prepare for the worst since it has been that way before) and of course i want legal advice, i want to make sure it is ok to do that and i am not putting my childrens custody at risk. BUT my brother told me not to tell my lawyer. He said she can call the cops. Is this true? I don't know what to do. I am very fearful worried and sick with all of this. 

by on May. 7, 2013 at 11:13 AM
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by on May. 7, 2013 at 11:20 AM

I think you should check out what the law says for where you live. You can contact someone doesn't sound like you've placed your twins in harm's way...what reason would your attorney have to contact police? Better to do your research and figure this out than your ex getting word and blindsiding your attorney in court because you didn't tell her and allow her to prepare for this. I think she needs to know but that's just me. If it comes out and you've done nothing wrong it makes you look guilty. Know what I mean?

by on May. 7, 2013 at 12:11 PM
1 mom liked this
You haven't put your children in danger imo. If you are that close to her, yet had no clue she was on drugs, she obviously stays rational and in control. I agree you shouldn't let them stay with her unsupervised, but its not fair to the kids for you to shut her out of their lives. Your attorney can't call the cops if he values his license, especially when she hasn't committed any real crime or is planning to. I see no reason for your ex to know anything about it. You're handling the issue and the kids are fine, so its not his business imo.
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2013 at 12:17 PM
He can't use some one else's addiction against you. Now if you were knowingly leaving your children in harms way then that's another story. I would not tell ex but if he asks you directly, don't lie. Just tell him you were shocked to learn this and made sure your twins were your first priorities.
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by Gold Member on May. 7, 2013 at 2:28 PM


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