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how soon is too soon?

Posted by on May. 9, 2013 at 11:40 PM
  • 6 Replies

Here is a question for all you divorced moms out there. I am currently in the process of getting a divorce. My marriage was somewhat short of a living hell, and I honestly haven't loved the man in a long time, so there is nothing left on my end. I don't even think about him to tell you the truth. But I do have feelings for another man. My best friend of over a year. How soon is too soon to start dating? I know a lot of people say you can start dating just don't introduce the men you go out with to your kids right away, but this situation is a little different because my kids already know him. They have known him and got used to seeing him almost everyday. He was always at our house hanging out and towards the end of my marriage the kids were seeing him more often than their own father. But it wasn't until after I filed for divorce that he admitted he had feelings for me for a long time. So what do I do? How soon is too soon?

by on May. 9, 2013 at 11:40 PM
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Replies (1-6):
momma_2013
by on May. 10, 2013 at 1:56 AM
i started seeing someone 2 weeks after i left.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
breebree04
by on May. 10, 2013 at 8:29 AM
2 moms liked this

Only you know if your ready or not. It doesnt matter what other people say, it depends on the individual and their previous relationship. It sounds like your marriage has been over for along time and you are probably ready to move on. Just keep your kids feelings in consideration. Although they may know this man and like him that doesnt mean they are ready to see mommy with a new man that is not daddy. You may want to keep the relationship on the down low until your kids get over the divorce.

krisnkids
by Gold Member on May. 10, 2013 at 8:35 AM

I would be worried that the kids would blame the new guy for your divorce. Kids thought process:

Mom and Dad are married

Uncle J hangs around with mom

Dad is gone

Uncle J is here

Its Uncle J's fault that Dad left.

rocky_mtn_mama
by on May. 10, 2013 at 1:02 PM

If you feel comfortable seeing this man now, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't.  If you feel weird about it or just aren't ready, then tell him so.

Traci2012
by on May. 10, 2013 at 1:28 PM

 Welcome!!! Wow we are in quite a similar situation. I have known my BF for over 16 years. My divorce was final Aug 2nd, 2012, but my marriage was over about 3 years prior to that when he had an affair with my "best" friend. My situation is EXTREMELY crazy, because my BF's ex-wife is my ex's cousin. LOL! Anyhow, we had our first date 2 days after the divorce was final. He would not even discuss a relationship intill the papers were signed. He is the best thing to ever come into my life, besides my children. And my 7 year has know him all her life and had a great relationship with him, so the adjustment has been a good one. Most of her life she never even saw her father and I have a loving marriage. Only you know what is best for you, as long as you are using good judgement and watching out for you children.  ((HUGS)) to you and good luck in finding happiness!

Traci2012
by on May. 10, 2013 at 1:31 PM

 I totally agree! My daughter wasn't as much jealous of my bf replacing the role of her dad as she was that there was someone she thought was going to take time with me away from her. We have taken building their relationship slow and not pushing it. My BF is amazing with her and even shares little interests with her that don't include me.

Quoting breebree04:

Only you know if your ready or not. It doesnt matter what other people say, it depends on the individual and their previous relationship. It sounds like your marriage has been over for along time and you are probably ready to move on. Just keep your kids feelings in consideration. Although they may know this man and like him that doesnt mean they are ready to see mommy with a new man that is not daddy. You may want to keep the relationship on the down low until your kids get over the divorce.

 

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