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This is so hard. I'm thinking about going back to him.

Posted by on May. 10, 2013 at 2:11 PM
  • 19 Replies

I am so lonely right now. I have been thinking so much about my children's father. I know that I ended it for a reason but I am thinking more and more about him. I can't stand when this happens. We break up and then I end up feeling so alone and thinking about what I could have done differently. I dont want to make a fool of myself and go back and wish that I hadn't. How do you get through those lonely times. Are there any of you who finally let a relationship go that you knew wasn't right for you? How did you stay strong and not go back?

by on May. 10, 2013 at 2:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mommy2zbg
by Member on May. 10, 2013 at 2:15 PM

STAY BUSY... hang out with your kid(s)... have some girl time with your friends... spend some time with your family...

ayacocca
by Member on May. 10, 2013 at 3:20 PM
Yes... this-


Quoting mommy2zbg:

STAY BUSY... hang out with your kid(s)... have some girl time with your friends... spend some time with your family...


ayacocca
by Member on May. 10, 2013 at 3:20 PM
1 mom liked this
Don't forget your reason for leaving
Shy_Dia
by Silver Member on May. 10, 2013 at 3:26 PM
For me, granted I never go back... But during the relationship, I talk and we try to change it. It didn't work so the relationship had to end. I get lonely, but I know how I want to be in a relationship- and I know I'm not in that position yet... And I know the type of man I want in a relationship.... My most recent ex, he's a great guy, love him to death... But he's not at the point where I want him to be, to be in a relationship with him like that. Maybe one day but until then, I just worry about myself... Keep myself busy. I've been doing a lot of house work (painting, sanding and trimming, etc) yard work, looking for a job, trying to find interests that I like, lost hobbies, etc.

I will admit, the worst is at night when I lay down to sleep... Sometimes I force myself to stay up because sometimes my thoughts get bad... Other times, I snuggle with ds lol
bjane01
by Member on May. 10, 2013 at 3:30 PM
Make a list of reasons you left. Things he did to you.

Make a list of what you want in a relationship. Does it match him?

Then remind yourself of what you want in life. Stay steady and focus on yourself.
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MommyAJ2921
by on May. 10, 2013 at 3:37 PM
3 moms liked this

"How do you stay strong and not go back?" Easy...I remember how the things he said to me in the heat of the moment made me feel...the B bomb...saying I was "stupid as hell" or that he wished I dressed like one of his female friends that shopped at a store the left NOTHING to the imagination...the way he acted during our mediation sessions..how he called me a thief...and then there's the one thing he said to me while I was pregnant with our oldest son..that if I let it....STILL has the power to make me cry...repeat..IF I LET IT. I think of THOSE things and how little by little it chipped away at my self esteem until I was a shell of the former woman I was before I married him. I think back to the nights I sat up til 3, 4am drifting off into a troubled sleep only to be roused by him as he puttered around getting ready for work. I think back to the times I was hanging out with friends or family and the comments on how tired and sad I looked.


I think back to the affect it had on my health...blood pressure STAYED high (its truly by God's grace that I didn't have a heart attack or stroke), hair falling out...appetite yo yo'd..either I didn't want to eat at all or I'd OVEReat...the insomnia...the depression..I remember all of it.

Then I fast forward to the freedom, contentment and peace I feel now. The sleep that no matter how many hours I get is so refreshing that it makes me feel like I can conquer anything. To know I'm all in where my children are concerned..to know I'm finally in a place where when they need it they can have my undivided attention and focus and not be forced to compete with their own damn father for my time, affection and attention.

I focus on my renewed, restored relationship with God..who was and IS Head and Lord of my life..I came back to Him, broken bleeding heart and all..with my 2 babies in tow. His love for me NEVER wavered...and I grow stronger day by day as I bask in it. I'm showing my babies Jesus now so He won't have 2 more broken men to heal later on.

I focus on my life as it is NOW, not from when I was with my ex husband. It's not the time but one day when God deems me ready...I'm ready to love and marry again and this time...I know he'll be a man after God's own heart.

THOSE THINGS are what keep me strong and make it easy for me to say..I'll never, N E V E R go back. Praying for you *hugs*.....

maddiemommy2009
by on May. 10, 2013 at 8:38 PM
Its been 6 weeks for me since I broke up with my ex so I'm still on trail lol
I don't want to go back but I'm scared I will because I always gave into him when he calls so heres what I did and what I'm doing hope it helps ......

First I changed my number and email so he have no way of contacting me .....
I tried the ignoring his call but it never worked cause at the end I always took his calls

After work I hit the gym my main focus is to finally lose that extra lbs plus when I get home its just to put my baby to bed and I'm so tired I fall asleep without even thinking of him .
On weekends I spend all my time with my baby or friends I try not to drink because I get emotional when I do and when i'm home with nothing to do I get caught up in a good movie or book and if that fails I pop a zzz quil and sleep my loneliness away


After all the stages if heart ache hun it will get better .

I forgave my ex even if he doesn't know it but it makesme feel better inside.

And wwhenever I get tempted to call I remind mtself of all the hurt and then I say I didn't do anything wrong
heretolisten
by Bronze Member on May. 11, 2013 at 8:41 AM
1 mom liked this

Loneliness is the worst.  Its been nearly 2 years since SD walked away and to this day there are moments that I think about him and long to have him back in my life, but then I simply pull out a pen and paper and start to write a letter.  It always starts out with the longing....but always ends with reflection about what transpired when he was around and writing about how horrible life would be if he were to return.  The tears are cleansing and gives renewed strength for the next day.  For me, these moments typically occur in correlation to hormone changes.  (Gotta love being a woman) .. some months it's intense, others it's not as bad.  If I had more people in my life to distract me and fill the silence, I don't think I would even think about him at all.  Support is key.  Having someone in your life, a close friend or family member, to be a part of your day to day will help you feel less alone. If you have that, you're blessed.  If not, I do highly recommend the letter concept and the impact on your children if you were to "take him back".  I can totally empathize with how you're feeling and I know how much it (for lack of a better word) sucks!  

mamer12812
by Member on May. 11, 2013 at 8:55 AM

okay i think the reason is becasue your afraid of being alone the loniness is hard trust me i know im still trying toget use tonot having a man its so hard but you have to keep your mind off of it talk to friends family just do hobbys you love and most of all put all your time in your babys or baby if it hasnt worked out it wont ever maybe you two are just not met to be and thats okay that just means theres someone else out there better for you the one you are suppose to be with maybe if you dont try to get him back and see you moved on or that your not effected by it then he would really want you back more then anything seeing that you can stand on your own two feet by yourself with no man. keep your head up high girl we all women got to stick togeather and dont have to count on a man no we got to count on eachother girl power all the way!!!

ayacocca
by Member on May. 11, 2013 at 11:44 AM
* yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hand claps


Quoting MommyAJ2921:

"How do you stay strong and not go back?" Easy...I remember how the things he said to me in the heat of the moment made me feel...the B bomb...saying I was "stupid as hell" or that he wished I dressed like one of his female friends that shopped at a store the left NOTHING to the imagination...the way he acted during our mediation sessions..how he called me a thief...and then there's the one thing he said to me while I was pregnant with our oldest son..that if I let it....STILL has the power to make me cry...repeat..IF I LET IT. I think of THOSE things and how little by little it chipped away at my self esteem until I was a shell of the former woman I was before I married him. I think back to the nights I sat up til 3, 4am drifting off into a troubled sleep only to be roused by him as he puttered around getting ready for work. I think back to the times I was hanging out with friends or family and the comments on how tired and sad I looked.



I think back to the affect it had on my health...blood pressure STAYED high (its truly by God's grace that I didn't have a heart attack or stroke), hair falling out...appetite yo yo'd..either I didn't want to eat at all or I'd OVEReat...the insomnia...the depression..I remember all of it.


Then I fast forward to the freedom, contentment and peace I feel now. The sleep that no matter how many hours I get is so refreshing that it makes me feel like I can conquer anything. To know I'm all in where my children are concerned..to know I'm finally in a place where when they need it they can have my undivided attention and focus and not be forced to compete with their own damn father for my time, affection and attention.


I focus on my renewed, restored relationship with God..who was and IS Head and Lord of my life..I came back to Him, broken bleeding heart and all..with my 2 babies in tow. His love for me NEVER wavered...and I grow stronger day by day as I bask in it. I'm showing my babies Jesus now so He won't have 2 more broken men to heal later on.


I focus on my life as it is NOW, not from when I was with my ex husband. It's not the time but one day when God deems me ready...I'm ready to love and marry again and this time...I know he'll be a man after God's own heart.


THOSE THINGS are what keep me strong and make it easy for me to say..I'll never, N E V E R go back. Praying for you *hugs*.....


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