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This is so hard. I'm thinking about going back to him.

I am so lonely right now. I have been thinking so much about my children's father. I know that I ended it for a reason but I am thinking more and more about him. I can't stand when this happens. We break up and then I end up feeling so alone and thinking about what I could have done differently. I dont want to make a fool of myself and go back and wish that I hadn't. How do you get through those lonely times. Are there any of you who finally let a relationship go that you knew wasn't right for you? How did you stay strong and not go back?

by on May. 10, 2013 at 2:11 PM
Replies (11-19):
camommy08
by on May. 11, 2013 at 12:18 PM

for me it helped a lot we were in differant states. I like you sometimes find myself thinking about him and dreaming about what our future would of been. At one point he and i were talking about getting back together when i told him i was moving to the same state but then he decide to go back with his other ex. Its hard being around him now. but I keep telling myself im better off and plus he doesnt want me

stillstandin246
by on May. 11, 2013 at 1:10 PM
Remember all the crap u went through and all the courage it took for u to leave, once or 6 times? Think about having to do all that again. Thats what I do. I don't want to deal with all the BS again. And if I went back, I'd lose all the ground I've gained and I'd have to start from scratch. As hard as it is to stay away, I've come a long way. My heart was so broken, I don't think I could do it again. People don't change and u will be right back into the old patterns u were with him. Stay strong.
LifeCafe42
by Nora on May. 11, 2013 at 1:24 PM
An ex is an ex for a reason being lonly isnt a good excuse
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mag12305cmg
by Member on May. 12, 2013 at 11:28 PM

Don't forget the reason you left. Keep busy and find new friends (I struggle with this one). Remember that there is better out there and you and the children deserve better.

MommyAJ2921
by on May. 13, 2013 at 9:02 AM

 LOL...good morning and thank you. I looked back over my response and realize I'd written a book...it couldn't be helped...her question struck a chord...I had to write that answer...because I lived it and though I have my moments of being lonely and wanting a man in my life, I will NEVER put myself through that AGAIN. I move on but I won't forget the affect it had on me.


Quoting ayacocca:

* yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hand claps


Quoting MommyAJ2921:

"How do you stay strong and not go back?" Easy...I remember how the things he said to me in the heat of the moment made me feel...the B bomb...saying I was "stupid as hell" or that he wished I dressed like one of his female friends that shopped at a store the left NOTHING to the imagination...the way he acted during our mediation sessions..how he called me a thief...and then there's the one thing he said to me while I was pregnant with our oldest son..that if I let it....STILL has the power to make me cry...repeat..IF I LET IT. I think of THOSE things and how little by little it chipped away at my self esteem until I was a shell of the former woman I was before I married him. I think back to the nights I sat up til 3, 4am drifting off into a troubled sleep only to be roused by him as he puttered around getting ready for work. I think back to the times I was hanging out with friends or family and the comments on how tired and sad I looked.



I think back to the affect it had on my health...blood pressure STAYED high (its truly by God's grace that I didn't have a heart attack or stroke), hair falling out...appetite yo yo'd..either I didn't want to eat at all or I'd OVEReat...the insomnia...the depression..I remember all of it.


Then I fast forward to the freedom, contentment and peace I feel now. The sleep that no matter how many hours I get is so refreshing that it makes me feel like I can conquer anything. To know I'm all in where my children are concerned..to know I'm finally in a place where when they need it they can have my undivided attention and focus and not be forced to compete with their own damn father for my time, affection and attention.


I focus on my renewed, restored relationship with God..who was and IS Head and Lord of my life..I came back to Him, broken bleeding heart and all..with my 2 babies in tow. His love for me NEVER wavered...and I grow stronger day by day as I bask in it. I'm showing my babies Jesus now so He won't have 2 more broken men to heal later on.


I focus on my life as it is NOW, not from when I was with my ex husband. It's not the time but one day when God deems me ready...I'm ready to love and marry again and this time...I know he'll be a man after God's own heart.


THOSE THINGS are what keep me strong and make it easy for me to say..I'll never, N E V E R go back. Praying for you *hugs*.....



 

domsmom1026
by on May. 13, 2013 at 10:09 AM

Well, I have been going through the same thing. I have an ex I went back and forth to for 7 years. We recently broke up again this past December. And I gotta tell ya, there were times that I felt like maybe taking him back was better, he could help with the kids, I wouldnt be so lonely, I wouldnt have to do EVERYTHING ALONE!!! I have my pity party, cry, and maybe even sob. But at the end of it all, I know I am better off without him. I am HAPPIER!! Maybe not for the moment, but in general. I dont have to worry about all the reasons we broke up! I have me and my kids, and my friends. And my cat...lol. If it comes down to it, get a boy. That comes over when the kids go to bed. Dont jump into a relationship. Dont get attached. Find someone to occupy your time, or just learn to be happy alone!!

ayacocca
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2013 at 11:34 AM
I feel like you in part told my story.. bc my experience was so similar. I even went into premature labor and almost lost one of my twins bc of.. weight up and down.. hair fell out. a mess. but its over now, thank God. the kids and I are sound. thank Him.


Quoting MommyAJ2921:

 LOL...good morning and thank you. I looked back over my response and realize I'd written a book...it couldn't be helped...her question struck a chord...I had to write that answer...because I lived it and though I have my moments of being lonely and wanting a man in my life, I will NEVER put myself through that AGAIN. I move on but I won't forget the affect it had on me.




Quoting ayacocca:

* yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hand claps



Quoting MommyAJ2921:


"How do you stay strong and not go back?" Easy...I remember how the things he said to me in the heat of the moment made me feel...the B bomb...saying I was "stupid as hell" or that he wished I dressed like one of his female friends that shopped at a store the left NOTHING to the imagination...the way he acted during our mediation sessions..how he called me a thief...and then there's the one thing he said to me while I was pregnant with our oldest son..that if I let it....STILL has the power to make me cry...repeat..IF I LET IT. I think of THOSE things and how little by little it chipped away at my self esteem until I was a shell of the former woman I was before I married him. I think back to the nights I sat up til 3, 4am drifting off into a troubled sleep only to be roused by him as he puttered around getting ready for work. I think back to the times I was hanging out with friends or family and the comments on how tired and sad I looked.




I think back to the affect it had on my health...blood pressure STAYED high (its truly by God's grace that I didn't have a heart attack or stroke), hair falling out...appetite yo yo'd..either I didn't want to eat at all or I'd OVEReat...the insomnia...the depression..I remember all of it.



Then I fast forward to the freedom, contentment and peace I feel now. The sleep that no matter how many hours I get is so refreshing that it makes me feel like I can conquer anything. To know I'm all in where my children are concerned..to know I'm finally in a place where when they need it they can have my undivided attention and focus and not be forced to compete with their own damn father for my time, affection and attention.



I focus on my renewed, restored relationship with God..who was and IS Head and Lord of my life..I came back to Him, broken bleeding heart and all..with my 2 babies in tow. His love for me NEVER wavered...and I grow stronger day by day as I bask in it. I'm showing my babies Jesus now so He won't have 2 more broken men to heal later on.



I focus on my life as it is NOW, not from when I was with my ex husband. It's not the time but one day when God deems me ready...I'm ready to love and marry again and this time...I know he'll be a man after God's own heart.



THOSE THINGS are what keep me strong and make it easy for me to say..I'll never, N E V E R go back. Praying for you *hugs*.....





 


MommyAJ2921
by on May. 13, 2013 at 11:58 AM

Sounds almost like we were married to the same man...I'll never understand how someone can say the types of things he was saying in one breath and profess to love u in the next. Will NEVER understand that. I hear what you say, but I watch what you do.


Quoting ayacocca:

I feel like you in part told my story.. bc my experience was so similar. I even went into premature labor and almost lost one of my twins bc of.. weight up and down.. hair fell out. a mess. but its over now, thank God. the kids and I are sound. thank Him.


Quoting MommyAJ2921:

 LOL...good morning and thank you. I looked back over my response and realize I'd written a book...it couldn't be helped...her question struck a chord...I had to write that answer...because I lived it and though I have my moments of being lonely and wanting a man in my life, I will NEVER put myself through that AGAIN. I move on but I won't forget the affect it had on me.


 


Quoting ayacocca:

* yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hand claps



Quoting MommyAJ2921:


"How do you stay strong and not go back?" Easy...I remember how the things he said to me in the heat of the moment made me feel...the B bomb...saying I was "stupid as hell" or that he wished I dressed like one of his female friends that shopped at a store the left NOTHING to the imagination...the way he acted during our mediation sessions..how he called me a thief...and then there's the one thing he said to me while I was pregnant with our oldest son..that if I let it....STILL has the power to make me cry...repeat..IF I LET IT. I think of THOSE things and how little by little it chipped away at my self esteem until I was a shell of the former woman I was before I married him. I think back to the nights I sat up til 3, 4am drifting off into a troubled sleep only to be roused by him as he puttered around getting ready for work. I think back to the times I was hanging out with friends or family and the comments on how tired and sad I looked.




I think back to the affect it had on my health...blood pressure STAYED high (its truly by God's grace that I didn't have a heart attack or stroke), hair falling out...appetite yo yo'd..either I didn't want to eat at all or I'd OVEReat...the insomnia...the depression..I remember all of it.



Then I fast forward to the freedom, contentment and peace I feel now. The sleep that no matter how many hours I get is so refreshing that it makes me feel like I can conquer anything. To know I'm all in where my children are concerned..to know I'm finally in a place where when they need it they can have my undivided attention and focus and not be forced to compete with their own damn father for my time, affection and attention.



I focus on my renewed, restored relationship with God..who was and IS Head and Lord of my life..I came back to Him, broken bleeding heart and all..with my 2 babies in tow. His love for me NEVER wavered...and I grow stronger day by day as I bask in it. I'm showing my babies Jesus now so He won't have 2 more broken men to heal later on.



I focus on my life as it is NOW, not from when I was with my ex husband. It's not the time but one day when God deems me ready...I'm ready to love and marry again and this time...I know he'll be a man after God's own heart.



THOSE THINGS are what keep me strong and make it easy for me to say..I'll never, N E V E R go back. Praying for you *hugs*.....



 


 



 

tezell78
by Member on May. 13, 2013 at 12:03 PM
I moved 487 miles away. With no car and limited phone access. It was like taking a bandaid off, do I miss him? Yes, do I still love him? Yep. Probably always will, and I've learned to accept those facts. He has never been in the same room as our son and probably won't ever be voluntarily.
Read a lot stay busy focus on your kids and remind yourself why you left.
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