Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

I feel like such an idiot

Posted by on May. 13, 2013 at 11:01 AM
  • 25 Replies
1 mom liked this
My ex cheated on me. I entertained the idea of maybe in the future having a chance at getting back together if he completely changed his life. Well the day before mothers day he goes out and gets oral from some nasty slut at a bar. He told me about it, and right before this happened he was saying how much he loved me and wasn't going to go out. Every time he does something like this he is on drugs ( not an excuse) but I told him as long as he does drugs he will not be around me or our son. I saw him for mothers day, I was so upset and he begged to just take me out. We went to eat with our son, it felt really awkward but It was better than me sitting home crying all day. Well then last night he tells me how I need to have more respect for myself and he doesn't get why I still talk to him. I feel so stupid bc although I know he will never change, I'm hoping he will. I'm so depressed and so hurt at what he's done to me and I know I'm being dumb and letting my emotions get the best of me. Its so hard right now because I'm still very much in love with him. Everyone that knows him thinks something is seriously wrong with him. He has such a nice loving side to him, and then he could be so mean and hurtful. I know I need to be strong and just cut him out of my life for good, I'm just having such a hard time. My brain is telling me how dumb I'm being, but my heart is still hoping even in the future, years from now it could work. My son was so happy with both of us together yesterday and its just so devastating that he will never grow up with us together. I just want to know what do I do? Im in therapy and I know I need to get stronger I just dont know why I'm so weak and stupid :/
by on May. 13, 2013 at 11:01 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
ajohnson08099
by on May. 13, 2013 at 11:46 AM
Itt is very hard to move on. You've got to find something to keep yourself focused. Make a list of the hurtful tgibgs he's done. Delete him off fb or something like that. If he doesn't text or call you make it a point to not start a conversation.

Many times people don't change. They either don't want to, thus showing you how much your worth to them (and since he volunteered his bar experiece id bet its not very much.) Or they can't.

Fill your time with other tgings. I don't kbow how long you've been seperated but eventually you have to let go.
JCSmommy2
by on May. 13, 2013 at 12:31 PM
Its only been a month but thank you I appreciate it. I do need to let go.
LifeCafe42
by Nora on May. 13, 2013 at 1:28 PM
You can do better. Being with him is easy there are other fish in the sea
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
rocky_mtn_mama
by Member on May. 13, 2013 at 1:52 PM

You're not an idiot, or weak, or stupid.  You're someone who is grieving for the loss of a dream.  Take your time to mourn and don't give him the opportunity to continue to hurt you.

JCSmommy2
by on May. 13, 2013 at 1:53 PM
Quoting rocky_mtn_mama:

You're not an idiot, or weak, or stupid.  You're someone who is grieving for the loss of a dream.  Take your time to mourn and don't give him the opportunity to continue to hurt you.





Thank you.. I needed to hear that. Its sad but I have to let go what I thought we were and what we could be :/
rocky_mtn_mama
by Member on May. 13, 2013 at 2:07 PM

hugs

Quoting JCSmommy2:

Quoting rocky_mtn_mama:

You're not an idiot, or weak, or stupid.  You're someone who is grieving for the loss of a dream.  Take your time to mourn and don't give him the opportunity to continue to hurt you.





Thank you.. I needed to hear that. Its sad but I have to let go what I thought we were and what we could be :/


maddiemommy2009
by on May. 13, 2013 at 2:16 PM
I know how u feel its better said than done . A month ago my ex of 2 and 1\2 years confess to getting high I always knew something was dif about him and besides getting high he cheat on me a lot but I couldn't let go I prayed and cried and prayed to fall out of love with this guy......
Then one day I woke up change my cell number and email and that was it he calls my gf phone once in a while now . And I still love him but I am not putting my hope up for any man it only gets u hurt even more when they dont change so I keep myslef occupied doing stuff with my daughter which I love love doing whenever i'm in my room and I go into my depression I call my gf one time because when u allow urself to think ur emotions get the best of u.

People pray and expect things to happen .... but to get what u want u have to work for it and the lord will help u .. everytime he hurt me I took him back and I'm always praying and asking god for strength but yet I never really made the attempt to move on because I sit crying and hoping things would change ..

And now that I've made the attempt evwn though some days I do get sad but I'm much better at controlling my emotions and i'm actually at peace with my heart..



I know how a heart aches for the one u love but u have to try
steviechick
by on May. 13, 2013 at 2:35 PM

My ex cheated on me, too, for three years.  He fathered two kids and only told me of one he fathered after he told me was having an affair.  He told our teenage daughter of the second child his tramp was carrying.   We were married for 26 yrs.  The ex simply trashed me and treated me like disgarded garbage all for the sake some office tramp 16 yrs his junior.  My ex told me he loved me but I was like a sister to him.  Interestingly enough he never treated me like a sister while he was betraying me.  Like your ex mine is mentally unstable.  He's a sociopath and bipolar.  He's an extremely unstable individual that I refuse to allow our daughter to be near.  I was in love with my ex proior to his deceipt and betrayal.  I put up his severe deadbeat ways and biplar disorder for many years.  It's hard to just give up on someone that you are deeply in love with.  When you feel betrayed it's even harder to just give up or stop loving someone.  You gave of your life, body and soul to someone. You were literally used and abused by someone you trusted.  My ex used to have a loving side to him.  Very caring and gentile and very giving of himself.  I think when he met his slut his entire life went downhill add that to financial problems (that he tried to cover-up all the time) and you have someone ready to explode.  My ex is no longer my problem.  The homewrecker will have to deal with his many complex issues that she has no idea what's in store for her.   I feel nothing for her but pity.  She's pathetic enough to not even care about having sex with a married man let alone get pregnant twice while I'm sitting at home knowing nothing of the treachery going on behind my back. 

Yes, it is devastating to know that you've been used so cruelly by someone you are married to.  It's the hardest thing to ever overcome.  I'm glad you are in therapy.  You aren't weak nor stupid.  You are still in love and trying to let go of those feelings and the acknowlegement of low treachery like I did.  Keep getting treatments they will help you to overcome your hurt and anger.  Just know it's normal to feel the way you do.  It will take time to fully heal.

JCSmommy2
by on May. 13, 2013 at 5:31 PM
Quoting maddiemommy2009:

I know how u feel its better said than done . A month ago my ex of 2 and 1\2 years confess to getting high I always knew something was dif about him and besides getting high he cheat on me a lot but I couldn't let go I prayed and cried and prayed to fall out of love with this guy......
Then one day I woke up change my cell number and email and that was it he calls my gf phone once in a while now . And I still love him but I am not putting my hope up for any man it only gets u hurt even more when they dont change so I keep myslef occupied doing stuff with my daughter which I love love doing whenever i'm in my room and I go into my depression I call my gf one time because when u allow urself to think ur emotions get the best of u.

People pray and expect things to happen .... but to get what u want u have to work for it and the lord will help u .. everytime he hurt me I took him back and I'm always praying and asking god for strength but yet I never really made the attempt to move on because I sit crying and hoping things would change ..

And now that I've made the attempt evwn though some days I do get sad but I'm much better at controlling my emotions and i'm actually at peace with my heart..



I know how a heart aches for the one u love but u have to try



Is he your daughters father? I'm sorry for what you went through I just found out last month and we were together almost 2 and half years too :(
JCSmommy2
by on May. 13, 2013 at 5:33 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting steviechick:

My ex cheated on me, too, for three years.  He fathered two kids and only told me of one he fathered after he told me was having an affair.  He told our teenage daughter of the second child his tramp was carrying.   We were married for 26 yrs.  The ex simply trashed me and treated me like disgarded garbage all for the sake some office tramp 16 yrs his junior.  My ex told me he loved me but I was like a sister to him.  Interestingly enough he never treated me like a sister while he was betraying me.  Like your ex mine is mentally unstable.  He's a sociopath and bipolar.  He's an extremely unstable individual that I refuse to allow our daughter to be near.  I was in love with my ex proior to his deceipt and betrayal.  I put up his severe deadbeat ways and biplar disorder for many years.  It's hard to just give up on someone that you are deeply in love with.  When you feel betrayed it's even harder to just give up or stop loving someone.  You gave of your life, body and soul to someone. You were literally used and abused by someone you trusted.  My ex used to have a loving side to him.  Very caring and gentile and very giving of himself.  I think when he met his slut his entire life went downhill add that to financial problems (that he tried to cover-up all the time) and you have someone ready to explode.  My ex is no longer my problem.  The homewrecker will have to deal with his many complex issues that she has no idea what's in store for her.   I feel nothing for her but pity.  She's pathetic enough to not even care about having sex with a married man let alone get pregnant twice while I'm sitting at home knowing nothing of the treachery going on behind my back. 


Yes, it is devastating to know that you've been used so cruelly by someone you are married to.  It's the hardest thing to ever overcome.  I'm glad you are in therapy.  You aren't weak nor stupid.  You are still in love and trying to let go of those feelings and the acknowlegement of low treachery like I did.  Keep getting treatments they will help you to overcome your hurt and anger.  Just know it's normal to feel the way you do.  It will take time to fully heal.





Wow I'm so sorry for what you went through. I couldnt imagine how I would feel if he had kids with someone else, and it honestly is my biggest fear. But what you said is right. When someone is that messed up, I don't believe they will be any better with the next person. He has a lifetime of issues that wont go away over night. Thank you for your reply, it gives me hope that in time this will get better but again I'm really sorry for you and your daughter. When people cheat its so wrong that they don't think how this will affect their children :/
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN