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need advice

Posted by on May. 13, 2013 at 11:07 PM
  • 8 Replies

I am currently 6mths pregnant and have a 9mth old little girl and their father just walked out on me about three weeks ago. the only time he sees our 9mth old is when i drop her off to him for me to go to work. if i didnt drop her off i dont think he would even make an effort to come see her. He has only went to one dr. app. while i have been pregnant with our second child. What should i do? Should i file for full custody of both of our children? we are not married and our 9mth old has his last name... Should I give our next child my last name or his?

by on May. 13, 2013 at 11:07 PM
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Replies (1-8):
jjmama12
by on May. 13, 2013 at 11:11 PM

As far as the last name goes. I gave both of my sons their father's last name even though he broke up with me a week before having our second child. So that is up to you. I would try and find someone else to watch your daughter if possible. You need time to grieve and seeing him will prolong the process. Believe me I just went through this and it gets easier just not very quickly. But It will get better. Put him on child support and make sure you have full custody. But from what I know most states automatically give full custody to the mother especially if the couple is not married or not together. I hope this helps. Good luck. and if you need to talk or anything inbox me.

lovemybabies875
by on May. 13, 2013 at 11:15 PM

Thank you. thats what his family is telling me to do. he already pays 733.00 a month to child support for his other two so im not sure how much he will have to pay for these two. He has been in and out of his other two girls life since 2007. we started dating in 2011 and he has been in their life since but i think now that we are over that he will walk out on them again and our two also. i dont want my 2 to get hurt like his others did so many times before.

 

jjmama12
by on May. 13, 2013 at 11:24 PM

My ex has two prior to mine as well. You sound like a me. EXACTLY like me. except he has all boys...lol. Just hang in there, stop all communication if you can because I know its hard (no contact unless its about the kids) no arguing, be pleasant and start finding better ways to care for your children without his help. dont worry about how much you get until it gets here. Just make sure you have all your ducks in a row. 

KRIZZ25
by Platinum Member on May. 13, 2013 at 11:25 PM
girl u need to get u lawyer.. they can tell u what to do ..just rember u cant make a boy be a daddy,
dawncs
by on May. 14, 2013 at 8:11 AM

 I hate to tell you this, but the odds are against him not doing the same thing to your two. I know this from the experience of a neighbor's daughter. She married a man who had been married before, but he refused to pay child support. When she divorced her husband, he did the same thing to their two little girls.

Quoting lovemybabies875:

Thank you. thats what his family is telling me to do. he already pays 733.00 a month to child support for his other two so im not sure how much he will have to pay for these two. He has been in and out of his other two girls life since 2007. we started dating in 2011 and he has been in their life since but i think now that we are over that he will walk out on them again and our two also. i dont want my 2 to get hurt like his others did so many times before.

Dawn


Group owner of Different Learners Support Group (http://www.cafemom.com/group/118648)

steviechick
by Gold Member on May. 14, 2013 at 11:28 AM

I would file for full custody.  He already has a record of being a deadbeat father.  As far as using his last name I would give both your kids his name.  They are siblings from the same father.  In regards to cs it all depends on what he can afford to give your kids.  Since he's already giving out most of his income in cs to two other kids I would ask for an appeal to the cs ordered for the other kids.  Your ex has to be able to provide for all of his kids.  I would check with an atty or with child services if you can't afford an atty. 

Forget the loser.  He's not worth the heartache and pain.  Focus on those beautiful kids you have. 

AdriMommy89
by on May. 14, 2013 at 1:48 PM

I would ask him if he would like the child to have his last name. You automatically get custody of the child, unless he fights you on it! I would then go to a lawyer  for child support. They will have him do a DNA test, because I am assuming he will want one, and once it comes back that he is the father he now has to pay child support. If he isn't paying the child support I would then contact your case worker and the lawyer who has helped you with the case. They could put a warrant out for his arrest, and I'm sure after that he will start paying. Also if you need to get on assistance, and I know that in Ohio, the state will go after the father because they are dishing out so much money to you and your children. So it will all start to add up on his end.

Robsessed98
by on May. 14, 2013 at 6:46 PM
I'm a little confused. If he keeps the baby while you work, how much more time do you want him to have her? You should definitely have a legal custody, visitation and child support order in place for both kids so there can be no issues or problems with what's what. Yes, it would be nice if he went to appts to support you, but it has no effect on his parenting. Lots of dads never go to an appt before or after birth. IMO if the father is around, the baby should have his last name, especially if its full sibling has it. If he requests it when you go to court, odds are the judge will grant it.
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