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If something bad happens to me???

Posted by on May. 16, 2013 at 2:15 AM
  • 10 Replies

Hello I am new to cafemom but I really enjoy reading other people's thoughts and stories of happiness, sadness, and their everyday struggles. I love how this site shows the reality of being a mother now in days regardless of your status in life. My dilemma is I spend many days and nights with the constant worry/obsession of if I die what will happen to my babies? I am a single mom of 3 children 1boy age 2 and 2 girls ages 12 and 8 months. I really am all they have my family is very small and everyone is either to old or doesn't want kids around. I don't have a relationship with either of the fathers anymore.My oldest daughters dad is years older than me and he is so irresponbile and Is a huge liar. He has hurt my baby so many times I can't talk to him at all because he takes me to a level of anger I never want to reach. I realized awhile back he is not worth the stress I was young and dumb for dealing with such a old fool to begin with. I don't deal with my youngest children's dad because I found out he is a drug addict I will not lie to you ladies I had no idea until after I had my son. I was in such a state of pure denial I thought people were just lying on him. It was almost like I had begun to lose my mind telling myself they're is no way this man, I been around and laid down with so many times does this to himself. Needless to say I got pregnant with my daughter that's when REALITY and all HELL broke loose. I have moved away from him but I pray everyday that he finds the peace and strength to overcome his addiction. As much as I still to this day love him despite of who i now realize is the real him. I love my kids waaay more than him to let them be subjected to who knows what just because he is they're "father". I am however sad and I constantly beat myself up with guilt over me wanting a man to love me so bad since I had no father. I have ruined all of my kids life and I can't fix it for them. I have little money but what I do have I try to buy them everything to try to make it up to them. I'm sorry so long I'm just very very sad and depressed all the time. I try hard to be a good mom but I feel my mistakes outweigh my good. I just wonder if anyone else is in the same situation were they literally have NOBODY if something was to happen to them??

by on May. 16, 2013 at 2:15 AM
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Replies (1-10):
caramel85
by on May. 16, 2013 at 5:41 AM

 Hugs. Unfortunately the children will go to their next of kin/other parent if there is one. I've brought this up to someone in the past. If something happened to my son before he's 18 whose father I want him to have no part of, he's a bad influence, he will go to his father. Maybe if I have a will written out stating to have someone else whose not the father, a trusting relative perhaps. In my case I have none.  

Kazmira222
by Bronze Member on May. 16, 2013 at 8:35 AM
Sry momma :/ life can be so hard in times of need. I've lucked out in being able to have all my family support me and be by my side. Nobody should have to go through that. Hugs!
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krisnkids
by Gold Member on May. 16, 2013 at 8:53 AM
1 mom liked this

 OP, if dad is legally dad then he would get custody. However, why live in a life of what ifs? Live for the day and enjoy every moment with them. If you live wondering what would happen if...your children will be grown and gone before you realize what you have missed.

 

Unfortunately a will does not do anything, dad has first priority in taking his children.

Quoting caramel85:

 Hugs. Unfortunately the children will go to their next of kin/other parent if there is one. I've brought this up to someone in the past. If something happened to my son before he's 18 whose father I want him to have no part of, he's a bad influence, he will go to his father. Maybe if I have a will written out stating to have someone else whose not the father, a trusting relative perhaps. In my case I have none.  


 

LifeCafe42
by Nora on May. 16, 2013 at 9:12 AM
Welcome to the group! Unfortunately next of Kin would have first
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maddiemommy2009
by on May. 16, 2013 at 9:26 AM
I am in a similar situation . So I understand how u feel I worry about my baby also . I'm a single mom when I told her dad I was pregnant I never heard or see him again he doesn't know what she looks like but I moved on from him his lost but I fell inlove with the wrong guy and a few weeks ago he admit to trying crack a couple times and to me a couple times is an addict... I never thought he'd be that type of person and I still love him I hope hes doing well but that's not the life I want my daughter around step father plus drugs not a good picture.
But I wonder if I die where will my baby end up I kniw my parents will take good care of her but they are getting older and if something happens to them my daughter has no one no sibling no father .... no family in nyc she'll be all alone I'm typing this and the thought is just scaring me tears actually came to my eyes.......I just pray and ask god to let me live to see that day my daughter is happy and successful in life..I honestly feel like that's what I'm living for now my baby .......
heretolisten
by Bronze Member on May. 16, 2013 at 9:33 AM

I know this feeling very well.  I would draft a will.  Name a guardian in case of your untimely death.  If their fathers elect to fight for custody, even those "too old" will be able to fight for your children's best interest and at least the children would be in familiar and safe hands.  My son's father has met criteria for abandonment.  He has no custodial rights either and no visitation as per his own chosing.  Concern for this is, IMO, quite responsible.  You're looking out for your children and that's what a good parent does.  Sure, it's a "what if" .. but at least you're not discounting any possibile circumstances.  

steviechick
by on May. 16, 2013 at 10:14 AM

If your children's fathers are unfit you have two choices - next of kin or your child goes up for foster care.  If you have no friends to turn to that would legally adopt your kids then the only legal choice would be the two options above.  I would try and seek an atty about your special case.  If anything you will have peace of mind knowing what will happen to your children upon your untimely death. 

I know the feeling of having louses for a father.  My ex and I were married for 26 yrs when he decided to cheat on me and father two kids of wedlock.  I found out that he is severely mentally unstable.   My daughter is old enough to make her own decisions, but if she were a minor I would legally make sure that she live with my sister.  There is no way that I would allow my ex to be her legal guardian. 

krisnkids
by Gold Member on May. 16, 2013 at 10:35 AM

 I just wanted to add that unfit according to the courts is different than unfit according to an ex.


Quoting steviechick:

If your children's fathers are unfit you have two choices - next of kin or your child goes up for foster care.  If you have no friends to turn to that would legally adopt your kids then the only legal choice would be the two options above.  I would try and seek an atty about your special case.  If anything you will have peace of mind knowing what will happen to your children upon your untimely death. 

I know the feeling of having louses for a father.  My ex and I were married for 26 yrs when he decided to cheat on me and father two kids of wedlock.  I found out that he is severely mentally unstable.   My daughter is old enough to make her own decisions, but if she were a minor I would legally make sure that she live with my sister.  There is no way that I would allow my ex to be her legal guardian. 


 

steviechick
by on May. 16, 2013 at 10:45 AM

In my case I have enough on my ex to prove he's unfit.  I've never had to prove it in court (restraining orders) as he's stayed away from me and our daughter since we got a divorce.  Had he continued to abuse our daughter I would have filed an RO.


Quoting krisnkids:

 I just wanted to add that unfit according to the courts is different than unfit according to an ex.

 

Quoting steviechick:

If your children's fathers are unfit you have two choices - next of kin or your child goes up for foster care.  If you have no friends to turn to that would legally adopt your kids then the only legal choice would be the two options above.  I would try and seek an atty about your special case.  If anything you will have peace of mind knowing what will happen to your children upon your untimely death. 

I know the feeling of having louses for a father.  My ex and I were married for 26 yrs when he decided to cheat on me and father two kids of wedlock.  I found out that he is severely mentally unstable.   My daughter is old enough to make her own decisions, but if she were a minor I would legally make sure that she live with my sister.  There is no way that I would allow my ex to be her legal guardian. 

 

 


 

myamommy
by on May. 17, 2013 at 4:55 PM
Im pretty sure a drug addict would be unfit to the court as well as myself the ex. If its not then somethings wrong. He cant take care of himself let alone 2 kids if he is impaired.


Quoting krisnkids:

 I just wanted to add that unfit according to the courts is different than unfit according to an ex.




Quoting steviechick:


If your children's fathers are unfit you have two choices - next of kin or your child goes up for foster care.  If you have no friends to turn to that would legally adopt your kids then the only legal choice would be the two options above.  I would try and seek an atty about your special case.  If anything you will have peace of mind knowing what will happen to your children upon your untimely death. 


I know the feeling of having louses for a father.  My ex and I were married for 26 yrs when he decided to cheat on me and father two kids of wedlock.  I found out that he is severely mentally unstable.   My daughter is old enough to make her own decisions, but if she were a minor I would legally make sure that she live with my sister.  There is no way that I would allow my ex to be her legal guardian. 




 


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